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It's like this anywhere I go with two kids, although mine aren't twins so I can take my eyes off them in different situations. I think it is just hard wired into me from being with them all day and not into DH. He'll watch them if I ask him to, but then I need to step back and let him do his version of watching.

@bluestriped bee: yeah, this is a tricky thing we have been working on. Our first is now 4 but the baby is almost 14 months. I can imagine it's tough with twins!!! The 4 year old can be left alone with his cousins now which is great. Then we try to take turns keeping an eye on the baby and getting a chance to relax and have some good conversation with family. We both were talking and my 14 year old nephew was watching the baby and he fell down a couple stairs (he was totally fine) but that ended us thinking we could each keep an eye off of him.

I think it's a matter of each of you feeling like you get a little adult time to catch up. But I just think with busy twins it might be a little while till you can totally relax at family gatherings!

And, as you see your family more now (congrats on the move back!) you'll trust them more now too I bet.

Yeah we have that issue, even when we only had one. And it's extra hard at someone else's house where they haven't baby proofed the same way you have.

Now I generally make sure to say to one specific person "can you watch c/g while I go ---?" And remind dh to keep an eye. But our 3 yo can generally be left for a few minutes without getting into too much trouble. It's the baby who is a few months behind your twins who seems hell bent on getting hurt.

I do the same thing as @Foodnerd81: . If DH is not in the room and I have to do something, I pointedly ask my SIL or MIL or FIL to watch DD. I never assume someone (the masses) is watching her.

DH usually gets busy talking and I have to ask him for a break. It wouldn't be that big of a deal except crap is never babyproofed so it is exhausting. They had hot glue guns out making ornaments last weekend. Nobody was alarmed when DD was running around by them and the cords. Ay!

@Silva: yes, dh gets the same way with his brothers. Like they make plans to go do something dumb or play video games for a long time and I'm like, look, this is my holiday too and we have kids. Even last year when we had a one week old baby I had to remind him a couple of times. He's actually better at our house though I think-because he is used to being an adult here and being the responsible one, as opposed to being the kid at his moms house.

This happens with us a lot. I got annoyed with DH on Bonfire Night for sitting on the sofa watching sport with his brothers and cousin while I was left to chase both our kids around a large unbabyproofed house. At my family functions he prefers to at least take the baby and try nap him so he gets out of socialising

@bluestriped bee: you are in a rough time, but it gets better after age 2 or so when you can leave the kiddos alone for longer.

Mine are 3.5 and 15 months and we only have to keep an eye on the 15 month old. Luckily for me, this is one area my husband really shines in--he's just as involved as I am in watching our girls. Also, all of our parents are really good at watching them too. It's honestly a vacation for me when I go to my mom's house or my in-law's house because they are all so good at taking the girls and entertaining them.

I would have a sit down conversation before the next trip or family gathering and use I statements and tell your husband how you feel. "I feel like I never get a chance to sit and talk because I have to watch the kids all day while you are socializing kid free", and come up with some solutions together.

@bluestriped bee: You're going to think I am nuts, but I don't think it gets better as the kids get older, I think it gets different and more complicated.

One thing I have noticed is that it is perfectly fine for me to leave my younger son around older children, but not with younger. This year, at Thanksgiving, a 4 year old body slammed my almost 6 year old. Had both of us parents been there, it wouldn't have been a good situation.

@looch: I get what you mean. My son, especially, is capable of a higher level of mischief at 2.5 than he was a year ago! I can see that getting worse, not better, over time. But, from a twin mom perspective, at 2.5 I'm much less worried about them hurting themselves if I can't be with both of them at once. Now they can go up down steps safely, climb on and off chairs by themselves, get involved in an activity that will occupy them for long periods of time so I can breathe. So in that sense, it has gotten easier for me! I don't know what the next couple of years will hold, though.

@looch: I agree with this. I have a 3 and 1 year-old, but I still make sure to keep an eye on the older one, because he's capable of getting into mischief. Also, if there are other kids around, I have to watch him to make sure they are all playing nicely and not fighting or being too rambunctious.

@aprild: @looch: That's interesting. I let my 3.5 year old basically do whatever she wants at public playgrounds and at our family's houses. At the park, I keep an eye on her location but since I have a 15 month old too, I literally can't be in 2 places at once and my 15 month old can't keep up with how fast my 3.5 year old runs around to different play structures, so I just shadow the 15 month old and let the 3.5 year old do her own thing. It's the same at our family's house except there I'm generally relaxing because our families are good about keeping an eye on our kids (we watch their kids too). It might just be the age dynamic we have in our families, though. On my side, all of our LOs cousins are older--11, 15, and young adults. So they play with her and are also in charge of her. Too old to have "fights" or anything I have to supervise. On my husband's side, the kids are 13 months, 7, and 9....so my 3.5 year old tends to play with the 7 and 9 year old while the adults keep the the 13 month old and our 15 month old corralled together. We let the older kids go play alone in the basement or upstairs and haven't had any issues so far. Maybe again because they are so much older? But they are very gentle and nice with my 3.5 year old so we haven't had any issues.

I think the toddler age is a tough one with respect to family gatherings because they can have a multitude of things going on from separation anxiety and of course climbing/walking/etc without being stable aka needing constant eyeballs on them. And you have twins, so it's tougher that way! Although even with my four year old I don't really relax at family gatherings (or anywhere else we bring her, really) it does get more laid back. I think you're doing what you can- hopefully your family can be a bit more helpful when they start talking.

yeah, this is what makes me nervous that my SIL, who is pregnant with her first but doesn't have friends with kids, is hosting their extended family's big Christmas Eve party, but doesn't have a fence around their pool. there are a lot of young kids in the family who aren't pool safe (mine included!) and now we'll have to be even more vigilant because it's totally a "if everyone is watching, no one is watching" kind of situation.