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waking up dh for middle of the night feedings

  1. autumnlove

    hostess / wonderful watermelon / 39513 posts

    DH did most of the night wakings for the first month when he was on leave. I was mostly pumping so he gave her bottles. I took over when he went back to work!

  2. baby98765

    grape / 93 posts

    um, yes. Our baby screamed bloody murder when he woke up hungry so one of us would wrangle him and change the diaper while the other went to make the bottle.

  3. lovehoneybee

    GOLD / wonderful pea / 17697 posts

    No. I'd have to get up and kick at DH to get him up, though. He's slept through E screaming for 5 minutes right next to him (I was in the shower)...he's a ridiculously heavy sleeper. I wake up instantly and can have him changed and settled onto my breast in the time it would take me to wake DH up.

    We co-sleep the second half of the night, though, and I side-nurse, so it really is just a matter of settling him on my breast before I'm falling back asleep. And the rest of the night he almost never wakes up wanting to be changed, and if he's hungry he can turns his head and can latch.

  4. JessicaMcB

    apricot / 427 posts

    @Sammyfab: In my husband's case, definitely. I don't get a year's maternity leave just to pawn her off on my husband who is actually working especially when it's dangerous for him to be sleep deprived.

  5. knittingmama

    grape / 87 posts

    @JessicaMcB: I understand why it's important for your husband to sleep with his job (mine works at an office, so it's different for us), but I find your phrasing a little...strange.

    I don't think it's "pawning off" my daughter to have my husband wake up at night to change her before I nurse her. It's one thing to let your husband sleep because of the type of job he does (like yours), it's another to describe a job outside the home as "actually working."

    It's something my husband and I spoke about, because I think he had a similar thought process as to you (and in the beginning, I did let him sleep through some of the feedings, and now that she sleeps through the night, it's fine), but I was quite resentful—to me, if it's possible, both parents should help out at night.

  6. chrispygal

    persimmon / 1205 posts

    Nope, never. DH would do the late evening feeding and I would go to bed around 8pm and then wake up in the middle of the night when LO needed to be fed. When I went back to work I was still the one to get up in the middle of the night. LO started sleeping through the night shortly thereafter so it's worked well. Now if LO fusses, I'm usually the one who wakes up first so I'll go to her but it DH hears it, he'll go too.

  7. Sammyfab

    pomegranate / 3383 posts

    @JessicaMcB: understandable. If my husband had a job where he needed to be well-rested or was on his feet all day, I probably wouldn't have woken him as often as I had. I do agree with @knittingmama about your wording. It's a little off-putting. it can easily be interpreted as if all of the other moms who choose to wake up their DH (or DHs who choose to be woken up) aren't doing their jobs properly.

  8. Chastenet

    kiwi / 614 posts

    In the early days when he was still on vacation and LO wasn't yet sleeping as well he would sometimes get up at night and take care of her. But since I have the boobs, most of the night awakenings have been handled by me. Also, we stopped changing her diaper at night after about 2 weeks, I just feed her and put her back to sleep.

  9. JessicaMcB

    apricot / 427 posts

    @knittingmama: @Sammyfab: Definitely wasn't judging anyone else's choices, sorry if it came across that way. If other people's husbands want to get up in the night I'd say more power to them!

    I do however stand by how we've chosen to take care of Emma- even if DH worked in an office we'd probably still choose to do it this way because he's the one actually out working and bringing in the money (not really sure why pointing out that he is actually the one going to work is offensive as it's true?) while I'm on maternity leave. I'm on leave quite literally to take care of her YKWIM?

  10. knittingmama

    grape / 87 posts

    @JessicaMcB: Oh, well, I guess I think of taking care of a LO as working, too. If you weren't on leave, you would have to pay a nanny or daycare. I *do* understand your viewpoint, but I wanted to point out why I think differently. I think my own mother and MIL think like you—"He's going out to earn money, you can take care of the baby all the day and night," but I found the early days (first 8 weeks or so) of taking care of her so much harder than any paid job, that I really needed the help and the breaks my husband could give when he was at home.

  11. Sammyfab

    pomegranate / 3383 posts

    @JessicaMcB: I see where you're coming from and I did feel guilty at times waking DH up when he had to go to work the next day. But being a SAHM is a freaking hard job too (where you need to be well-rested and functioning)!!

    I've left my LO with DH for 24 hours twice and he's commended me for staying at home with our LO everyday because he was absolutely exhausted (and this was with NO middle of the night duties!).

  12. Honeybee

    pomelo / 5178 posts

    I SAH and DH usually gets up once a night. It's easier, since I'm not breastfeeding but with two kids it's easier to divide and conquer.

  13. Mrs. Fix

    olive / 67 posts

    I am a pretty light sleeper so even if DH is helping on the weekends it's just easier for me to have the monitor by me. LO is only getting up once at night and I pump exclusively so it's nice for DH to take care of LO while I pump. However since I'm still on leave, he only gets up on the weekends which is working just fine. We will have to see when I go back in a few weeks!

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