Hellobee Boards

So true..

Very true I may post this as well.

So true. I found the "don't talk about it" attitude so very difficult to deal with, it made me feel like my baby had never existed. It meant a lot to me when people said they had said a prayer for the baby, or were thinking about the baby. It was an important part of my healing and remains so. I wish it was a more socially acceptable topic, I always feel bad bringing my miscarriage up but really, it was less than six weeks ago, I NEED to talk about it.

These two parts explain exactly how I felt. I lost my baby so early that I sometimes feel guilty for being sad.

"Through the entire process, I knew that there were women who had suffered so much more than I had. Women who had lost babies at 20 weeks, 30 weeks and even worse, labored to deliver stillborn children. I couldn't help but cry for them too. And if I am being honest, I felt guilt along with my sadness. Losing a baby at just nine weeks -- did I really deserve to grieve?"

"I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that I had this precious little being, no longer alive, inside me. It felt wholly unnatural. I had no sense of how my body would physically process the loss of the pregnancy. I wanted to hide away in bed until it had all passed, but I had to go on."

I think I'm going to share this as well. I think that like infertility miscarriages should be something that people aren't ashamed to talk about it they want to or need to.

@MrsH: thank you so much for sharing this.

I, too, have gone through the guilt of feeling sad about losing my baby at 6wks, and that just makes me feel worse! I know I am moving on, and even that it could've been so much worse if we'd been further along or a hundred other "what ifs". But because of the drama around it, especially when I hadn't yet told many people, I have felt weird about reaching out to busy friends who will, of course, console me & support me, but I just can't find the right time or forum, so then time slips away. This makes it less urgent news, but not any less important to me. Thank goodness for HB, since we don't need to worry about getting the niceties out of the way before dropping a bomb like " hey, so I miscarried...what have you been doing? "
& to all of us!

This was healing to read. I too felt guilt at grieving for my lost LOs because the losses were early (7 weeks and 9 weeks).

@travelgirl1: I just went to see a good friend who had a baby 2 days before I miscarried. She knew about the miscarriage (her sister who is one of my best friends told her) and when I even brought it up didn't even say "I'm sorry" "how are you?" ANYthing. I know it's because she didn't know what to say as she held her healthy perfect second child. People who don't talk about it or avoid it think they are being sensitive to your needs whereas it is totally the opposite (at least for me).

@Tidybee: I'm sorry, that must have hurt. I agree, people just don't know what to say. I am struggling with DH's family at the moment, I know they all know but half of them have not said anything to us at all about it. That hurts. I think people assume that after two weeks have past that it's okay, it's not something you talk about anymore but for me that's when I started wanting to talk about it. It takes more than a few weeks to get over losing a baby.