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I probably wouldn't call, because I hate talking on the phone, and I agree with you that each partner is responsible for their own parents! But if you're faced with a situation where you think she might actually show up, you just might have to call and do some damage control!

I'd suck it up and call her. I don't see the point in avoiding it, just be honest that you have plans.

Hmmm....does she have your number? I'd say using FB as a reliable way to make plans is a flaw. If you commented further after her comment, then it would appear you saw her request. If you did not comment after her comment, then her best bet is to call you or her son and firm up plans.

In general, we stick to communicating with our own families. I would let your MIL and husband know that you are no longer the go between. Make sure each has the other's contact info. Let a few missed communications teach them not to rely on you.

Since she likes FB and email as a form of communication, you can comment under her, saying you had plans, and when did she plan on coming? Maybe if you open up the communication, you and her can figure out what time would be good?

But grr at your husband for not talking to her! That would really make me want to just go with my friends and ignore her!

@Adira: That is pretty rude to just announce they're coming over. Apparently she's not over the emotions that made her write that email. I'd just tell her it's not a good weekend, or tell her to call you so that you can make plans, since this weekend isn't good.

I do not talk to my MIL on the phone because she will not stop talking and ain't nobody got time for that. I do email her and my FIL pics/videos of M every few days. And I check in with her via email occasionally. But all telephone communication is through DH (and I am the one that always has to remind him to call her).

I would call. Is she normally like this? If so, I'd also change my privacy settings.

My mil used to communicate through me. Were talking 30+ phone calls a day. She once called me to see how my husbands job interview went. I always encouraged my husband to call his parents, but he didn't. This wasn't new behavior for him; Mil just saw me as an "in" with him/us. I always had the "your family, your problem" approach, but if something like 'I'm coming over' was directed at me, I'd respond.

@Adira: yah I'd call. At the end of the day, I think that the ultimate responsibility here should fall on your husband!But I wonder if she will just choose to blame you instead? That's partly why I would just call...

I don't see why this is so complicated....If you know she doesn't like to get off the phone, just call up and say, I only have a few minutes, I am running out the door and then launch into your spiel.

I don't rely on my husband to communicate with his parents, and I have the added issue of language barriers! You can do this!

@Adira: yeah, I get it..that's my mom sometimes, but I trained her pretty well, with a few hang ups....mom, gotta go to a meeting, someone just walked into my office, the UPS guy is here and he needs a signature, etc etc.

Kick your husband's ass into calling her. We have a rule in this house. We each deal with our own families! My husband is the same, never responds to email/texts/calls from them and then they try to talk to me because I"m the path of least resistance to him. But I don't play that game because I have my own family to deal with, I'm not going to deal with his too bc he doesn't feel like it. His family = his responsibility. end of story.

@Adira: I hang up on my FIL all the time because he doesn't know how to stop talking. After many rounds of "I gotta go," I just hang up, lol.

My MIL always uses me as a go between, too, because my hubby is terrible at keeping in touch. I think she was delighted when I came along and suddenly she had a way of communicating with her son, after all these years!!

I, personally, would call because I cant see any harm that would come from calling whereas I can see harm that could result from not (her turning up unannounced!). I'd be pretty annoyed at my husband for not calling himself but I would take the view that she left the message on my FB so, ultimately, the ball was in my court.

Ugh it drives me crazy when someone sends a text or email or whatever to call them. Um, you have a phone too so why don't you call me? My step mother does it all the time and I ignore those messages until she finally will call. I don't think it's your responsibility at all. If she wants to see you, she can pick up the phone to call you.

I would suck it up and call her over this particular situation.

But afterward, I'd ream DH out and tell him to grow a pair and start talking to his parents

By all means-- my relationship with my ILs would not be where it is today (a good, balanced, not too overbearing) place if it weren't for DH stepping it up as the one to step in and also upping his weekly calls to them!