Yesterday, DH & I were busy getting the house ready for guests, which can put both of us on edge a little bit. He waiting for me to move to open the dishwasher, and I didn't realize this at first, so I turned to him to see what he needed. He looked at me and just said, "Move!" The way he said it, as opposed to, "Could you move?" or "Please move," really bothered me, but I tried to let it go in the moment because we were about to have people over.

Later that evening, we were snuggling on the couch, and I said, "You know, it really bothers me when you get kind of snappy with me like you did earlier." He seemed totally puzzled by this, so I described the whole incident and told him that his tone and choice of words were rude. He seemed to think I was overreacting and told me, "I wasn't being rude at all - I just asked you to move." I tried to explain that *asking* me to move would have included a "please" or a question mark. He said he was sorry, but it's clear to me that he doesn't see it the same way.

DH & I have come a long way in communicating better with each other. One thing I have definitely learned is that the way I perceive something could be totally different than how he meant it. I think a lot of this comes from upbringing. I grew up with a lot of emphasis on speaking politely and respectfully at all times. Also, if your feelings were hurt, this was a big deal and always addressed. DH grew up in a somewhat chaotic household, and his mother and older siblings are rather brusque with each other, but they don't mean it disrespectfully at all. They also aren't really into feelings - there is definitely a "toughen up" mentality.

While on the whole I think of DH as a more gentle, thoughtful person than the rest of his family, I think this difference in upbringing has definitely come into play for us. Do you and your SO see politeness / rudeness the same way? What is your personal standard?