Hellobee Boards

They seem bonkers and I would ignore this. Perhaps they’re just lonely as empty nesters but you’re not required to have a relationship with anyone

That’s so weird. No, there is nothing wrong with being private. We have one neighboring house where we hardly talk to the couple- they are a middle aged couple with no kids who keep to themselves. And that’s fine! We do talk to most of our other neighbors because we are outside and have kids. I love that most of my neighbors are friendly and we can chat and that the kids play together, but we are also on a cup de sac that makes that easy. Your neighbors were just bizarre!

No, I totally agree with you on this. We live in a cul de sac and we stay to ourselves however we never really see anyone outside anyway. We are probably outside more than anyone else bc of our kids. When I see our next door neighbors we are friendly but not overly so. I think we are normal as are you.....

however, there was a dispute over parking in our cul de sac last year and we were called our for being "non social" by one of the neighbors. I was shocked! They went on to say that we had never invited them over for dinner or drinks....... well...... they had never invited us over either!!! And we said after their behavior regarding the parking (leaving nasty notes and blocking people in on purpose) we don't want to get to know them anyway so we'll continue on being "non social"

So I agree with you 100% and they are cray cray

@Ajsmommy: @Modern Daisy: ha ha, we barely invite our friends over to come into our actual home. No way do I want to entertain my neighbors. One of my coworkers has become so chummy with his neighbors that the wives va action together and the husband’s work on each other’s diy projects. Different strokes.

We live in a condo and barely know any of our neighbors, except one guy who is honestly a bit strange (but I don't want to be rude) and a retired lady who goes out of the way to give unsolicited - but I'm sure well-meaning - parenting advice if she sees me walking into the building. I'm barely keeping life together now between work and LO, so socializing with the neighbors is way down my list of priorities. If that rubs someone with more leisure time the wrong way, sorry...it's not about them, it's about us and our priorities...

@Modern Daisy: It’s so weird to me that they would have those expectations and then also wait until you’re moving to share them.

We are neighbors who like to wave and say hello to everyone and not much beyond that. I’m an introverted person and socializing is exhausting for me, so I don’t want my home to be a social hub, I want it to be a sanctuary. If people have some sort of bizarre entitlement to an intimate social relationship that’s their problem.

I think it depends on the neighborhood. We are the newest family on my block and the old family used to have bonfires and bbqs at their house and go to ones hosted at the others. I am very socially awkward and find it hard to strike up more than superficial conversations with my neighbors, but I do try. I’ve also told them I feel bad that it seems like I’m alwags rushing by but it’s hard with the kids and my husband working a lot. If we didn’t want to be social though, we would have chosen to live in a rural area. I grew up in the middle of the woods and always wanted neighbors, and always thought people chose to live in neighborhoods because they wanted neighbors. We made a conscious decision between rural and village when thinking of where we wanted to raise our kids. For me I’m curious to know why people who want a more private lifestyle choose to live in neighborhoods or villages that are set up to be communities.

@Modern Daisy: it depends if we have anything in common. We are close with some of the children that go to the same elementary schoold and ride the same bus. There is no requirement to be less private though. I wonder if they felt they made an effort to be friends and it wasn't returned?
I will add that we have lives in areas previously where all the neighbours wanted to have constant dinners and lunches and gettogethers so i think it can be cultural depending on the area

I think the problem is thinking of others as weird when we all have our own personal preferences and expectations. Expressing disappointment when someone is moving is an ineffective solution but probably brings closure to your neighbor who was bothered. Now you are left with being bothered by the confrontation/conversation and must wrestle with self-doubt and ultimately affirm your values. I remember the adage ‘Good fences make good neighbors’ and understand this is what it is like for some people. And that is ok! Others like to be closer and that is ok too.

Also to answer OP question, I give Christmas cards and gifts but we rarely have conversations, only wave sometimes. Our kids play together and I know the kids better. I feel like if we needed help we could ask but we generally mind our own business.

@periwinklebee: Same here! We've been in our condo for 9 years, kiddo is 5, and we really don't know any of our neighbors, except by sight. We are always friendly, but we haven't socialized with anyone at all (though mostly it's because most of our neighbors are of the same ethnic group and tend to cluster together due to language issues and such, so we're kind of outsiders anyway).

@Becky: hmm, that’s an interesting take on choosing to live in a neighborhood. We chose to live in a suburb as opposed to rural area because of the amenities and access to the highway. It’s important to me that grocery stores, dry cleaners, choice of schools, certain clothing stores, restaurants are all nearby. We also wanted to see faces that look like ours so diversity was a factor even in choosing our suburban city. In terms of why we picked our neighborhood out of the homes we saw it was the best fit for us. Almost all of the homes we looked at were in newer subdivisions because we didn’t want a lot of property to maintain or older style homes.

This is crazy. We used to live in the middle of a townhouse complex and I felt pressure to have conversations with the neighbours on either side. There was some animosity with the one we shared a driveway with due to snow shovelling (we got a service to do ours which she didn’t like) and the other always had her daycare kids on the shared lawn with giant plastic crap toys. One of them acknowledged when we sold the house and we said goodbye, the other we didnt’ see again. I would always wave and say hi as I was going in but the one with the daycare always seemed busy like us. We moved to a transitioning neighbourhood 2 yrs ago to a huge corner lot home. The mostly elderly neighbours all came around and introduced themselves and gave us wine, some small gifts, phone numbers in case we needed anything. It was so nice! But I haven’t gone out of my way to socialize. I’ll wave and say hi and if it’s the weekend and the grannies want to say hi to my kid, I’ll chat for a minute in our driveway. When we get home, I want to enjoy our family and our yard and not make small talk. I talk all day to my patients and don’t want to be stressed about neighbours popping by. You are totally right to feel this was super weird. They could have come over if they really wanted a relationship!

A part of me is sad to read a lot of what is expressed here sounds like a rejection of those who want a sense of community. I don’t think it is has been like that in the past, in general...but perhaps on occasion. I just don’t like the idea that it is trending and hope it is just a show of support of the OP being taken aback by their neighbor’s (interpreted) negative comments.

Awww, poor neighbors, they didn't get to be nosy, so disappointing! Anyway, if they wanted to get to know you better, they could have taken the initiative and invited you over for a BBQ or something.

We wave to our neighbors and very occasionally make small talk but its rare. I am very introverted and don't do small talk well, my husband can small talk but has a demanding job and is often ready to be home and have alone time at the end of the day. While I like our neighborhood and we choose it for a number of reasons I don't need to be great friends with our neighbors, its the same reason why in grad school my requirements for roommate were essentially, not a serial killer, will pay their half of the bills on time, and won't take up too much time in the bathroom/kitchen. I would have a very hard time stopping to chat with various neighbors everyday, most of the time I have to remind myself to wave hello. I don't think you have to be friends with your neighbors and for them to demand otherwise is their problem not yours.