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My MIL would be a 2-3 out of 8, but my FIL and his wife would be a 6-7 probably. I'm interested to see how it all changes when LO is born.
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Mine live really far away and have been divorced since DH was a kid. I really like my FIL, though sometimes things get lost in translation a bit. I've only met my MIL once and it went better than expected, but for the most part she's pretty absent from my life (and up until recently, from DH's unless she needed money). Now that we're expecting, she's probably called DH more times than she had in the other 7.5 years I've known him combined. But her English and my knowledge of their language are equally bad, so I don't talk to her much.
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Mine made it clear long ago that I'm not her daughter and that she thinks it's weird because everyone has their own mothers. She repeated this numerous times in case I didn't understand by making her own SIL (that was adopted) as an example. Yeh.
Nevertheless, it's a cordial relationship, but no, I do not feel like family and after that chilly welcome (amongst other passive aggressive antics earlier on), I no longer go out of my way to be liked. She does love my LO, which evens a few things out.
I did have a special kind of bond with my ex's mother, however, but that was in the past. Her and my mom are good friends, but I still keep my distance - I want to avoid any complications, even though DH is fine with it. Ex's mom crocheted DD a blanket as soon as she found out I was pregnant and made me a lucky bracelet. Although we don't talk, I still care about her a lot.
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I voted 4 but I think that was generous.
MIL is annoying because she wants to see us all the time and complains that we don't see them enough but she has not once made the 45 minute drive to see us. We are having major issues with SIL and she always takes SIL's side even when it does not involve her and allows it affect her relationship with us. She was never all that welcoming to me either and it has gotten to the point where I can't even say anything around her or she twists it around and brings it up months later.
FIL is ok. He is friendly but doesn't try to be too involved which really hurts DH. He is getting a little better after they had a big discussion about it.
SIL is awful - I'd have to rank her a zero. BIL is fine but doesn't live nearby or visit much so we're not close at all. -
My FIL is a racist, sexist backwards thinking bigot and I cannot handle some of the horrible things he says. He does not respect boundaries at all, and intentionally does things to piss me off, like trying to feed icing to my 3 month old. When DS was born, he was maybe 3 days old and FIL told me I needed to 'get off my lazy butt and clean the house'. My MIL is a passive aggressive busybody who questions my every parenting move. I rate them a 2, only because my husband doesn't see any issue with them. Blech.
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MIL gets a one because I'm generous.
FIL gets a five. He is nice, but never thinks of others. -
One's.
Very self-absorbed, crazy people.
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I voted 3 because of what they are like on a good day. FIL is better and I get along with him most of the time but MIL drives me nuts and I dread any time that I have to see her. MIL is super passive aggressive, 'needs" to see LO at least once a week or she gets super upset. She makes little digs at me - I can't cook, I can't dress lo properly (because she has cold hands most of the time like me!) and I was sick one day and feel like crap and because of that I apparently hated her and looked like I wanted to kill her. Yeah. Also I will never trust them to look after lo for more then a few hours ever because I've seen what they're like with their other grandson and they don't like our parenting choices. They really annoy me and sadly they live like 30 minutes away.
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My FIL is a 6 and MIL is a 7. I gave my FIL a 6 because he's really kind and generous and LOVES my kids. But he doesn't make that much effort to come and visit us, unless we invite HIM. But other than that, he's great. My MIL is like my 2nd mom. She's absolutely wonderful. The only reason I didn't give her an 8 is because she can be intrusive at times. She comes over to our place a lot, which is GREAT, but she also comes over during the weekends. And I really want the weekends to be about our immediate family. I've tried hinting this to her several times but she just doesn't get it. =\
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I said 4 - I had no problems with MIL until I became pregnant and she made me feel like a gestational carrier. Suddenly she wanted to force a super close relationship, ringing and msging me all the time when she had never called me once when it wasn't my birthday in the 6 years prior. Since LO has arrived it's gotten so much worse. She's passive aggressive, has high expectations of her involvement in LO's life and makes her visits all about her (like asking her son to take a photo of her and LO on fathers day). She's the type that wants to baby sit not to help us out but because she thinks it's her right. She's wasn't even happy when we told her we were buying a house because it would be further from her.
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My inlaws are ok. They both smoke and gamble, but they're both really nice and will do anything for us.
My MIL is a worrier, though, and it drives me insane. She also tries a little TOO hard to be liked (not by me, but by everyone) and loves getting attention. She likes to show of my DS to her friends (which I had to talk to her about, because I didn't like her taking him go go visit her friends that I don't know), and whenever she comes over she thinks she needs to clean something...when my house is pretty clean...she just wants to be helpful. That part is worse when I'm pregnant...she acts as if I'm disabled.
But, despite all that, she's nice, and she can keep her distance, but I have to tell her...she doesn't have the common sense to figure some things out for herself. DH is good at telling her to back off, too.
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The best...I only see them once a year
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My inlaws are really great. My mother in law and I have our differences, but she respects the choices we make and she is a roll up your sleeves kind of woman. They are very close to how my parents are.
They just visited for 10 days and my father in law touched up the paint in our house, caulked the pool, cleaned up the yard and my mother in law did all my irnoning, watched my son and made dinner every night.
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My FIL is awesome. My MIL passed on before DH and I even had a chance to meet. Beyond my FIL, my DH's entire family goes out of their way to make me feel welcome and loved. I know that they genuinely care for me and DS. They are also over the moon excited to meet the new little one.
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I voted 7. My MIL and SIL aren't quite perfect, but pretty darn close. They make me feel like I'm a part of the family and not just "DH's wife". They do have some quirks and we have butted heads a tiny bit, but I still love them.
MIL usually keeps her opinions to herself and doesn't like to step on toes, so I'm curious to see if this will change or not after we have kids. I'm sure SIL will voice some opinions. She's already told us once that we're bad "parents" to our dog (we hate that term for pets as well. We're owners.) because we scolded him after he shit in the garage... I was not impressed.
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I am lucky to have IL's that I gave an 8.
They are kind, generous, respectful, loving people. The whole lot of them - MIL, FIL, SIL, and all the grands and aunts and uncles. Its a much tighter extended family dynamic than what I am used to (so I'm still adjusting sometimes) but it's wonderful. My parents moved 10 hours away after I graduated college and around when DH and I started dating so to have his family welcome me so warmly has been an amazing gift.
And if I included the extensive network of close family friends they have who are all the same way... I really hit the jackpot.@MrsTiz: @Mrs.Bird: When we were first dating and I saw how DH interacted with his family (especially his mother), and how they treated me I knew he was one to hold on to.
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I absolutely adore my MIL and FIL - they lived with us for 7 months post-Sandy while their house was renovated and I was actually sad when they moved out even though they live in the same town. They are the most generous, kind people. My MIL and I are really close, we text every day - and I would with my FIL also if he knew how to text haha I absolutely feel like I am a daughter to them and I am so, so incredibly grateful for my DH for having awesome parents!!!
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@mrs. bird: @MrsTiz: I feel the same way about my inlaws. My MIL was awful while DH and I were dating. My mom and I talked about whether or not I wouldn't have married DH even knowing how bad she is. I guess love for DH trumped MIL's bs. She's caused huge problems in our relationship, marriage, and family. Somedays, I wish for estrangement from DH's family because they're so awful. What's worse is that it's a subtle thing. They seem nice, but will say mean things and do bad things to you so casually. It messes with your head.
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Mine are 1's. MIL has been hung up on DH's ex-girlfriend for forever. I spent 5 years dating DH hearing and seeing how much more awesome she is than me. I didn't like both of them for the longest time. When DH's ex-girlfriend married her very rich boyfriend and had a baby, both of us grew up and put the crap behind us. MIL always treated me badly in this respect. When we were married a year, she said that she thought we would divorce when we got engaged. She wanted that to happen when she visited 8 weeks pp and caused a huge rift in our marriage. She wanted that to happen. She's tried to out-mother me a few times too. I have to act preemptively with her so she won't pull crap on me that crosses boundaries. So, that's the tip of the iceberg with her.
FIL. He's okay, but a total wet blanket to MIL's needs. I get a long okay with him, but he's not into babies, etc. He's just sort of there. Nicer, but just there.
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My ILs are a mixed bag. FIL is nice, though apparently wasn't the greatest dad. But he makes me feel totally welcome in the family, and he's very generous. So 6 or 7?
I love my BIL and was hoping he'd get together with my best friend. They kind of almost had a thing at our wedding, but it didn't develop into anything due to distance. 9 or 10 for him. SIL is nice...but she drives me a little crazy sometimes. She's the baby of the family and even at 27 years old can't really take care of herself. I'd give her a 5 or 6.
MIL...oh MIL. She's nice to my face, so that's good I guess. But I don't feel like she truly accepts me into the family. She's also just kinda weird, and tends to disappoint DH. For example, we have no idea if she's going to want to come to the hospital when the baby's born. My parents will also be cooking us Thanksgiving dinner at our house, and we have no idea if she'll come. DH thinks she'll likely say yes and then just not show up, which is what she did for both my wedding shower and baby shower.
She's also causing a ton of tension between us for this weekend, because she's needs work around her house and I feel like what she's asking DH to do is just too much. I have to give up MY car (because it's bigger and they need to bring a ladder over there to paint something on the f-ing ROOF) and possibly be stuck in the house all day by myself (because IDK if I can drive DH's tiny car with how PG I am). At 32 weeks, I'd really have liked to spend as much time with DH as I can before baby comes, not have him wearing himself out doing all this random and (IMO) unnecessary stuff to her house, and then complaining he gets no weekend. But I've stopped arguing about it.
ETA: she also doesn't like my dog (who isn't big, and is sweet and most people LOVE her) and doesn't want her in her house. My dog has never misbehaved there, never had an accident, nothing. So I told DH that if the dog's not welcome there, then we're not ever coming there with the baby. (I don't have a whole lot of tolerance at this point, lol).
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Mine are pretty much like-the-movies-awesome. From the first time I met them, they treated me like I was one of their kids. MIL is really funny, loves to shop, and we can totally bust out a heart-to-heart now and then. My FIL is a somewhat sterio-typical IT guy, so he's more reserved and quirky, but he loves us and our kids soo much. He's always game to help with any projects when their in town or paint any artwork I want for the boys' room.
I think all in-law situations require some navigation because even if they are "perfect," you still are blending two sets of ideals, experiences, etc. Also, I think different things, like having a baby, makes the relationships change and you have to re-navigate that until everyone settles into their new roles.
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Between 3 and 4. Although, I'm sure the DH would say the same for my family.
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My immediate inlaws are annoying but love the extended inlaws like DH's cousins and aunts etc, they are near and dear to my heart!
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Love my in-laws they are great. They arent perfect but my family isnt perfect either. They are just like my family basically
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@bluestriped bee: Ditto. I think DH would give his folks a 4, so I give them a 3, and I'd likely give my mom a 6 and he'd give her a 4.
They all mean well, but there are just communication issues and the way that they push their agendas (all of the parents, not just my ILs) that can make managing them difficult. We have been careful to use big events (engagement, wedding, jobs, baby) as a way to clearly set boundaries early, every time, and it's been helping a lot.
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It is just FIL, and he is amazing. There are times where we don't always see eye to eye, and he can be a bit of a grump sometimes...but he's awesome and we are so lucky to have him!
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I voted 8, I love my MIL, she's the best! I hang out with her lots, maybe more than my own mom. My FIL passed away last year but he was amazing too and I really miss him. It makes me so sad he never got to meet his granddaughter.
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MIL is a solid 2 (she did raise DH after all..)
FIL unfortunately passed before I was able to meet him.. I feel like he would have been an 8. I love his brothers and his side of the family..
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I don't even feel right voting since both my in-laws have passed away.
I didn't know DHs mom very well, but she liked me a lot and always treated me well. DHs dad was a lovely man. I'm sad C will never know him.
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My in-laws are so wonderful, so I voted an 8. I don't really have a relationship with my FIL because he has early onset Alzheimer's/dementia and doesn't speak English so I can't really communicate with him, but when DH and I were dating he was wonderful to me and made me feel like his own daughter.
My MIL is incredible. She has taken care of both my kids and she listens to everything I say and follows exactly how I ask her to do things. She is humble, sweet, and truly a Proverbs 31 woman. When I'm sick, she immediately makes me homemade chicken soup and does all these other things for me that my own mother never even does!
DH LOVES my mom too.. so I think he'd also rate her an 8! He never got a chance to meet my dad, but I know my dad would've meshed really well with him. They could've probably philosophized for hours together...
We both get along well with each other's siblings too. Our families are so different though - like I could never see my mom and DH's mom sitting together for coffee or anything... so it's not like we'd get together with both sides and do a big shindig or anything like that.
We both tell each other often how we really hit the in-law jackpot on both ends.
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They're both pretty hands off. Not close with either....
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Both are 8.
FIL is so enthusiastic with DS, and always jumps to try something new, like changing him for the first time, or feeding him for the first time. It's sometimes hard to get DS out of FIL's hands when they fly in to visit! (I know, what a great problem to have...) And MIL is incredibly thoughtful, giving good advice when we ask for her opinion, but is never pushy or tries to impose herself on DW or myself. It's a common joke in our house that MIL and I usually end up agreeing on issues, when DW doesn't! And they are both hilarious people, and really generous with their time. Basically, I am very, very lucky.
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My in law's visit matching up with LO's pneumonia. So they watched her all day and MIL is downstairs making meatloaf for dinner. I don't have any problems with them but they're rating extra high today.
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My in-laws are pretty good, overall. MIL can be really opinionated (about everything) but my DH tends to call her on it, so it's helpful. FIL is nice and pretty harmless. They both love LO and are very generous with their time and money with him. They live a 3 hour plane ride away, so it works out well
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