wonderful clementine / 24134 posts
I will say one of the hard things was that first year with number two. We went from being able to have down time /alone time /chore time while the other had LO1 to where all of our down/alone time was gone. That first year we were 100% pretty much tag teaming it. DH had one kid, I had the other kid and somehow chores got done. As they got older though it became much easier for one of us to be alone with both kids. However we had the luxury of splitting up because we were on the same schedule. I know some families that aren't on the same schedule and they had to manage 1 parent to 2 kids much earlier which is tough.
pomegranate / 3127 posts
It's just different. First time - easy pregnancy, hard recovery. Second time - hard pregnancy, easy recovery. First time - easy baby, hellish work situation. Second time - difficult baby, awesome long maternity leave. I guess I'm lucky I didn't have all the hard bits thrown at me at once.
pear / 1621 posts
@mrsrain: I feel the same way! I'm 4.5 months PP and my LOs have a 20 month age gap and though it was easier knowing what to expect with recovery, breastfeeding, etc. it is harder. I feel like I have lost my identity or am becoming a new me.
I am so happy to have 2 little boys and I love mommyhood but miss being able to power nap or work out or spend quality time with DH. It doesn't help that I am swamped at work and we don't have family around who can help watch the LOs. I am hoping we hit a turning point later this year but fear it will become more challenging as LO2 becomes more mobile.
Another thing to think about if you can plan having another one is daycare costs. LO1 is now only in daycare PT and LO2 stays home with DH. Eventually they'll both be in daycare and all our money will go to that.
nectarine / 2262 posts
@Ms.Line glad to know you're in the same boat. I think DH would be happy if we decided to go for #2 now but omg. Becoming a parent has been a lot rougher on me than I thought. I am not sure I can handle another super difficult baby.
cherry / 176 posts
What a great post- So many interesting responses! It's so interesting to see how different people's experiences are. For me, the overall life change of having one child was way harder and crazier than going from 1 to 2. (My sons are 22 months apart.) But it's definitely a lot more work. Sometimes I look back and think "How did I think I was so tired/overwhelmed with one?" but really, it's because being new at something was really hard. I had a lot more anxiety with my first.
I didn't have baby fever at all when I got pregnant with number 2. But we made the choice based on our overall vision of our family: two kids, fairly close in age. It feels like the right decision for us, but now more than ever, I understand that different choices are right for different people. I don't think there's a wrong choice. Good luck!
pineapple / 12566 posts
Having a second was much easier. Not only did we have the first one under our belts, but my 2nd child was way more chilled out than the first. We could basically stick her in a bouncy chair in the living room and go on with our lives. My older LO had to be held constantly, was pretty fussy and didn't sleep much the first 6 months. Also, my older child was 3 when the younger one was born and he was pretty independent. He could talk very well, would listen and follow directions and, despite being a difficult baby, he was and still is an easygoing child.
admin / wonderful grape / 20724 posts
For us, having two kids made parenting more of a team effort... we had to divide and conquer, and it brought us a lot closer together!
blogger / persimmon / 1225 posts
Harder than I anticipated to have two for sure. But my second has been a terrible sleeper, but thankfully the sweetest baby. I think everything is harder when you're not sleeping.
Also the loss of personal time again was tough. But that is improving. I think like all big changes, there's a transitional period.
The great stuff? My family feels more complete. The sibling bond was amazing right from the start. I love having a baby and a toddler.
blogger / apricot / 482 posts
I think it may depend on the kids' personalities. I had complicated pregnancies both times, but no morning sickness with the first one and tons of morning sickness the second time. Our first was very colicky, but we knew we wanted to have a second and wanted them to be close in age (they are 18 months apart). With our second, it was really a seamless transition and it seems like he fit right in. But, he is a VERY easy baby, slept for 20 hours a day for the first month, and even now is happy to play independently or have others around him, and never cries unless he's overtired. Our second is totally predictable whereas our first wasn't, plus we knew more the second time around. I blogged a little bit about our experience here (not necessarily specific to 2 under 2, with a lot about the transition to two): http://www.hellobee.com/2016/08/03/two-under-two-challenges-and-rewards/
nectarine / 2705 posts
We knew we wanted two kids from the get go. But I tell ya, if I could really control how things went down, and hadn't had to deal with infertility, I would have spaced them out a bit more. The 19 month gap between the two of them is SO challenging. The best part is the brother bond. It's strong and amazing to witness. But they both need us SO much for SO much. It's exhausting. I love them - but I'm exhausted!
grapefruit / 4455 posts
We're 11 months in and it has actually been a wonderful year. I also went from SAHM to WOHM at 5m pp and honestly that helps a lot. The most difficult thing was having dd start preschool/center care for the first time in the fall weeks before ds was born. But ds has been a pretty easy baby as far as that goes and I didn't get PPD/A this time and it has been much better than 0-1.
persimmon / 1481 posts
@autumnleaves: Thankfully I SAH right now so we won't need full time daycare for a while if at all. I do think about that though, it's crazy expensive. If I did have to go back to work, all my income would go to that!
@T.H.O.U.: That's what I'm wondering...about how it is after the first couple of years. I know it will be tough at first but I don't want to base my decision on the difficulty of having two very small children. So much to think about!
@AnnabelleG: I don't feel the baby fever either,, but like you I had this vision for my family and it always included at least two kids. I don't want to wake up one day and wish I had more.
@mrbee: Do you feel like since your kids are getting a little older that you have more time as a couple? One of my big fears is losing even more time with DH since it's so limited already. Most of our time together is him playing with DD and me doing chores.
@Mrs. Cookie: I'm looking into the future and hoping we'll adjust to two like we have adjusted to one. I'm so scared of losing all my personal time but I'll have to make the time somewhere to keep my sanity.
@2littlepumpkins: How was the preschool thing for the baby? Did your older child bring home a lot of illnesses? I worry about that. I worry a lot...
Thanks for all the great responses! I read every one and they have helped me a lot. I feel a lot more informed and prepared to make the decision. I'm not quite ready yet but we'll probably decide in the next couple months.
@turquoisemama: We definitely have more time now! But we don't have the childcare we need to take advantage of it... yet!!
@turquoisemama: yes! It really was just the first 12-18 months. Then it got much easier and they play together.
Also, even though I didn't have baby fever before I got pregnant, it developed while I was pregnant. And 9 months was a long time for my older one to grow up a bit. You got this!
kiwi / 705 posts
DD was an easy baby and the transition from 0 to 1 was seamless. The transition from 1-2 was like getting punched in the face, even though DS was still a good baby.
Now with DD 3 and DS 19 months, having 2 seems much better then having one because they entertain each other a lot.
@turquoisemama: honestly there have been some rough moments but ds hasn't had anything too bad yet. He was hospitalized for a fever at five weeks but it was standard for newborns with fevers and it was just a virus that honestly didn't seem to bother him all that much. And I'm sure it helps his immune system to be exposed. I bubble wrapped dd her first year or so! I worry a lot too but having two has forced me to reevaluate what is worth worrying about. Honestly I was in the same place as you and from the other side I'm so grateful to have two. I'd have another if I could handle pregnancy better and afford it. Watching them grow together is the best.
@JCCovi: That's great to hear! I know the first year will be super hard but if we can get through that, I look forward to that awesome sibling bond.
@2littlepumpkins: Yeah I definitely bubble wrapped DD too...I think I'll be better the second time around.
nectarine / 2951 posts
@hellobeeboston: I agree with you 100%!
Both my boys are mellow, good babies, but the adjustment was still hard. Splitting my attention between them both is the most challenging part. Luckily it's getting much easier now that I'm at the 12 week mark. (My boys are 34 months apart).
persimmon / 1467 posts
I never got baby fever, we just knew what wanted two and wanted to get the baby days behind us.
The first two months were really rough. Lo 2 was gassy and fussy which probably wasn't bad if he had been our first but I also had a toddler getting in trouble. Now at 3 months I have started to feel like things are getting back to normal.
Going from 0-1 was harder in getting used to doing things on a baby schedule. Going from 1-2 the harder part was that now nap times are rarely down time for me because i often have the other kid to take care of. Always being on is hard. My toddler also gets in trouble a lot more because I just can't watch him all the time now.
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