or even while you were in labor? Did you allow visitors at the hospital during labor, in the room, or none at all? After birth, did you have visitors at the hospital? If so, how many? Did it go the way you wanted? Share your experience!
When A was born we wanted no one to be at the hospital while we were there, so we just didn't tell anyone I was in labor. We waited about an hour or two afterwards to let people know she was born. We had my mom, sister/BIL and DH's brother and SIL visit that day. The next day however, people were showing up left and right and it was so frustrating. People I barely associate with were showing up. Things will be very different this time.
watermelon / 14206 posts
I planned for S to be at the birth center, so we just were going to go home afterwards and meet up with my parents, DS and the inlaws.
Next time around I'll have to go to the hospital, so I know my MIL will be in the waiting room, waiting to hear, my mom will probably be in the room, when I deliver, but I'll kick her out for a while after and I don't know about dad and FIL...but they'll be welcome to come in after about an hour or so.
I'm really going to be a baby hog.
wonderful cherry / 21504 posts
Haven't had the baby yet, but I do not want anyone at the hospital while I'm in labor. However my family lives 5 hours away, so it's not really a concern anyway. I'm going to let them know when I'm in active labor and they will come up within a day or so and hopefully visit at the hospital. DH's side live even further and will come up later. We have a couple of friends who might visit in the hospital (all have said to let them know what I want when the time comes, no pressure-- my friends are awesome!).
The only complication will be that DH's dad and aunts will be visiting nearby just for a couple of days, so if I have the baby then, it will be the only chance they have to see us. I'm playing that one by ear...
pear / 1992 posts
We wanted no one at the hospital during labor (and no one at the birth except DH) so we did the same as you and didn't tell most people until after she arrived (we had to tell our friends who were taking care of our dog, etc.).
Then we had DH's parents visit that night and the next day while we were at the hospital.
After we were home we had 1 visitor/group per day for a short visit. It all went pretty great and I would do the same for the next baby.
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22276 posts
@lindseykaye: I like the 1 visitor/group per day thing. I remember with A, I was about 3-4 days PP and one of our friends wanted to visit and they were even outside of our house and I started bawling because I wanted to be alone. DH sent them home before they even came in, but I don't even feel bad. I was so overwhelmed with guests by then I had reached my breaking point.
pear / 1571 posts
I must be weird because I felt bad that no one really visited us after #1 was born. I mean, they kind of trickled in over the first month, but not like the tons and tons of visitors that people complain about visiting them in the hospital. But I wanted to show my baby off! And it felt like no one really cared. I don't know if it made a difference that it was a home birth and we were always at our house, not in the hospital? For some reason it seems like people are more comfortable going to visit in the hospital than after the family goes home, I dunno. With Baby #2, she was born in the hospital and a couple people came, but we were relatively new to the area and didn't have a lot of friends either, so it was kind of what I expected.
This time, I'm planning another home birth and calling it my "Red Tent" birth, lol. I plan to have several friends there to share the experience with me. Heck, I might have a whole houseful of people. I don't expect many visitors afterwards this time either, also because we'll be at home and most people will wait to see the baby until the first time we take him/her to church or whatever.
bananas / 9357 posts
@FarmWifeGina: I'm with you. We had hardly any visitors at the hospital and people slowly visited over the first month or two. My DH and I were kind of disappointed. We actually really looked forward to visitors in the hospital and the first 2 weeks home.
I had a lot of family there right after he was born which is the only thing I didn't like. I felt a bit rushed knowing a group of people were waiting to see the baby. Then after that, the only people that came to the hospital was my mom and DH's parents. My sisters didn't even come and no friends came. I was sad about it. The first couple of weeks we only had a handful of visitors which made me a little sad too.
GOLD / wonderful olive / 19030 posts
We told our parents when we were going in and that was it. They were allowed to be there while I gave birth. We told everyone else the next morning (delivered at 11;14 pm and she went to NICU we didn't get to room until 3 am) we had some visitors but I made it very clear that very few peopel would be able to hold/see the baby. We allowed siblings and my 2 best friends to hold her, others could peak in the NICU and visit me and that was it. It was less stressful for sure!
grapefruit / 4671 posts
My rule was the more the merrier! My hospital only allowed two people in the room with me while I was labouring so any visitors had to wait in the waiting room which didn't bother me. I was in hospital for 5 days, so having visitors was really great and I got pretty lonely when everyone left.
papaya / 10560 posts
I gave birth at 2am sono one was there for my l and thank goodness. I was super annoyed when dhs family was showing up at6-7am. This time around I'm just going to say visiting hours are from x-x and deal with it. Also the amount of people just hanging around was incredibly ridiculous.
nectarine / 2994 posts
I didn't have any visitors during labor, just had dh and my mum with me. I was induced so in-laws and maybe 3 friends knew what was happening and dh kept them updated through texts. E was born at night so we were able to go to sleep once we were settled. Our visitors were pretty respectful and messaged dh beforehand to make sure we were up to visitors and if there was anything they could bring to us. The hospital also had pretty strict visiting hours. Once we got home no one visited apart from sil which I was pretty happy with. I waited until I was able to drive to go out and socialise with friends so I could get out of the house.
papaya / 10473 posts
We didn't tell anyone I was in labor. We called both sets of parents after the baby was born, and they came about 12 hours later. We didn't allow any other visitors who weren't family for two weeks. It was perfect!
apricot / 495 posts
I'm glad I'm not the only person that doesn't want anyone at the hospital when I am in labor. I'm getting a little bit of push back from family about it but I really don't care. I told everyone that we will let them know when we are ready for visitors. I like the idea of 1 visitor/group a day. I don't think I could handle having people in and out all day (other than doctors and nurses).
pomegranate / 3113 posts
I don't want anyone visiting at the hospital, full stop. Definitely not while I'm in labor, and not afterward. I'd make an exception for family but we don't have any close by, so it's not really an issue. Once we're home, I don't mind if friends want to stop by here and there, but I think I'd be overwhelmed by too many too close together so hopefully we can make sure they spread out and still allow us to get some rest.
cherry / 157 posts
With DS#1, everyone and their brother was at the hospital (did not now until after I had him), didn't mind though.
With DD, it was just hubby and I. one friend visited right after I had her because she was coming to kill time with me before she was born. I had her while she waited in the waiting room to see me. Other than that no one but DS came to visit. Family would have been their if we were remotely close to each other
apricot / 377 posts
I think we should be grateful people want to share in this experience. I'm all for setting boundaries, but really, what if no one cared you were having a baby?
pear / 1743 posts
Obviously I don't know how this will play out in reality - it's still yet to come. We plan on having my aunt there as secondary support (like a doula, seeing mum can't be there) and then will have my dad, MIL, BIL and FIL alerted as soon as LO arrives and they can visit when they want. My bestie will be the first to visit during visiting hours - they are pretty strict about hours and number of people visiting so we'll let news filter out slowly.
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22276 posts
@corilyns: it's great people want to be a part of it, but being swarmed with people right after you've been through an exhausting labor and trying to adjust to a new baby isn't exactly ideal for everyone. Those who wish to have visitors upon visitors may choose to do so! To each their own.
apricot / 377 posts
@Bao: Perhaps I wasn't clear or you misunderstood. I wasn't suggesting that people push themselves and allow a swarm after birth. I was only pointing out what I believe to be true -- while hangers on and too many guests are annoying - I believe we should be grateful that we're not doing this alone. In fact, I have limited visitors for my baby's upcoming birth. And I too believe in to each his own, but was sharing my opinion.