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If the shower is no kids and you aren't planning it, I would either ask her to ask the planners or just ask her to get a sitter. If she shows up with a kid and all the other women had to arrange for childcare, they will get miffed... I would be pissed!!

Why don't you tell her to ask the planners if they think the shower would be appropriate for a 2 yr old - since you do not know what they have planned.

I would be okay with the 2 year old coming. But I would run it by the hostess first.

Honestly I'd ask her to find a sitter. Even if the two year old would be fine at the shower all the other mothers who are attending went to the trouble to make child care arrangements... and they will likely be offended if someone else's child is allowed to attend. I actually think it's pretty rude that she bothered you with this issue because her husband decided to go golfing instead of helping to share the responsibility of caring for his child.

@mediagirl: Yeah, my husband wouldn't even bother to ask whether he could go golfing if I've got an event on the schedule and he's watching the kid. If he needs to know the answer, he's seen my "Really?" face enough times to be able to recreate it for himself without my help.

In this situation I would be making my husband find childcare, it was his responsibility and if he wants to make plans he needs to find an appropriate sitter! My husband would know that's how it works in our house! ha