Let me start by saying if you make it to the end of this very long post I applaud and appreciate you. i'm on the what to expect board so if this is cross over i'm sorry. additionally, please know that i know how lucky i am to be pregnant and that so many families want babies and are struggling to have them. i know what a privilege this is and i'm so grateful for it.
i'm looking for support thats not my mothers (who supports me no matter i whatever i think is best), some sort of validation because i think i'm making the right decision and opinions on what you yourself would do if you were in this situation. please, please be kind. we are all hormonal moms just trying to make it to bed time.
finally, i'm not religious in any way. So please spare the "God wont give you more than you can handle" comments. While i support, respect and honor your beliefs, they just don't match up to mine and aren't applicable for me in this situation.
My boyfriend and i have been together on and off for some time. when we were dating in 2013, i got pregnant and he wanted me to have an abortion. I said I would then changed my mind. He said that i was going back on my word and that i lied to him - which i know now, is not true. that its complicated and its my choice but i dont like when someone calls me a liar - so i went through with the abortion. It destroyed me and i had to go on anti depressants after for a bit. while i dont regret it, i also cant imagine doing that again.
the following year, i got pregnant again and this time I said i'm having this baby. he threw a massive fit and told me i was ruining his life and threatened to kill himself. we fought so much that i eventually told him the stress wasn't healthy fo the pregnancy and cut him off. I moved back in with my mom to save money. we live in Los Angeles where its very expensive and at the time I was making about 50,000 a year. I let him come back around before I had my son in early 2015.
from then on we took some space and co parented 100%. we decided to give it another shot. I made it clear that eventually i wanted another baby however i remained on the pill. while this was happening, i switched jobs and i'm now making a 6 figure salary. I support myself, my son 100% and his father for the most part but we still live with my mom. Part of the reason why we do this is that my mother has a massive house with lots of space for my son. I could move and get an apartment but i think its silly to spend 2500 a month on an apartment to put him in a box. at my moms, he has a yard, a pool, a play room and room to run. we pay her rent to help cover her house bills and utilities.
My boyfriend and my mom do not get along. He works at a bar 3 days a week and basically covers his cellphone payment, his rent and his car insurance. he does not contribute to our sons finances. This (obviously) frustrates my mother. She is of an old school mind that you work to help support your family regardless if you're in a job that you hate. He doesnt want to work a corporate job. He also spent alot of his earlier life as a touring musician so his experience in the work force is very limited. Its been hard for him to find a job outside of bartending.
Fast forward to end of summer 2018, I found out he was cheating on me. I told him he had to leave and that we needed space. he begged me to stay and asked if we could work it out. we took some space the best we could while living in the same house and stopped sleeping together.
in the late fall of 2018 my mom kicked him out of the house. she was sick of his bad attitude and the way he would speak to me when he was mad. she was sick of him not pulling his weight. originally she said he had to be out by FEB 1. then with the holidays and our sons birthday, she has now said APRIL 15
Shortly after we decided to take some space, i went off birth control. I was bleeding all the time and i couldn't take it. I did not tell him and we were not sleeping together for months while this was going on. On november 24th, we did sleep together and i got pregnant. when i found out, he asked me if i was on the pill. i told him no and my reasons.
i struggled about whether i wanted to move forward with this pregnancy however ultimately, i could not imagine having an abortion. i told my boyfriend and he is very upset. he says just because i "cant" have an abortion, i'm willing to change everyone elses lives. he says i'm a selfish person and that any person who looked at this situation objectively would tell me to abort. that its not a good situation to bring a baby into. he says how will WE pay for a baby - however remember- i pay for everything now as it is. he says i will change my sons life. he likes to scream at me and get in my face and say things that will make me question my character. he knows that i value being a good human who does the right thing, so he consistently tells me its the wrong decision. he says that i dont have to worry because i have family support and he doesnt so i'm not thinking about him. one thing he keeps saying is that this is MY FAULT. that i put us in this situation, so i should have the abortion to get us out. that those are my consequences. he makes me think maybe terminating is the right option
i havent really talked to anyone about the situation because i'm scared and sad and embarrassed but also excited.
I make more than enough money to support another baby so thats not really a concern for me.
okay i think ive covered all bases here. if any one has questions im happy to answer and if i think of anything i've left out, i will add additional messages.
so what would you do?