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That everything is a phase!! When we would have nursing issues, or stretches of bad sleep, or a tough transition to something new, I used to panic that things would be like this FOREVER. With my second the hard days were so much easier because I knew it would only last a little while before we moved on to the next challenge.

@Truth Bombs: yeah, everything feels SO permanent when you’re in it. It feels like you’ll NEVER sleep again, you'll never get a manicure, you’ll never meet up with friends. But looking back it was only weeks/months before those things fell into place. But when you’re IN it it feels never ending and isolating and scary.

I would tell myself to pay attention and parent the individual child in front of you, instead of trying to impose a philosophy or popular trend or whatever the parenting rule du jour is.

In my case, my eldest, to my chagrin, NEEDED a C-section, NICU, and lots of drugs. He HATED cosleeping, babywearing, or even being rocked/bounced. He was a terrible nurser. He needed formula to stay alive. I didn't make enough milk. He slept BETTER when we didn't share a room. He is an introvert who is easily over stimulated and wants to sleep in a dark cold room by himself.

So this mama, who thought she'd EBF, have a normal vaginal delivery, roomshare for 6 months, wear her baby, and live happily ever after with a go-with-the-flow child who would sleep and eat and be cute, ended up with a colicky child with extreme reflux who was not down with those "norms."

Parent the child in your lap. And take very good care of yourself - its not selfish, its vital to the health and stability of your family. And don't let anyone judge you for what works for your family.

Enjoy each moment as much as you can. It goes by so fast.

Don't go crazy reading internet forums or books -- trust your instincts.

Make sure you prioritize self care.

I would tell myself that he’ll grow out of it. Out of everything - the cluster feeding, the waking up every 90 minutes, the only being able to fall asleep holding my hand - he’ll grow out of it all, and he’ll grow into new and probably more annoying things. It’s all temporary.

@Truth Bombs: YES to everything being a phase!

And also I'd tell myself to trust myself. No one knows my baby better than I do, so listening to my gut and tuning out everyone else who was constantly questioning me (especially when it came to breastfeeding) would've save me a TON of stress and anxiety!

@josina: that is a tall tale BF advocates tell! I wish we would tell women more to just feed the baby. After being on the other side of my milk coming in I was a little peeved I bough into no artificial nipples/ formula. It’s kind of known that ceseareans delay milk coming in. I wish I knew that instead of being stubborn trying to make sure I secured a good BF relationship from the start. My LO probably wouldn’t have been readmitted to the hospital for dehydration.

I'd get more help. Whether family, friends, or paid. In my case with my second, it's going to be paid help. And let stuff slide. Be it cleaning or cooking. You don't HAVE to do it all. No one gets a medal for doing it all. Outsource what you can.
I know a lot of people might not have that luxury, but even if it's asking a friend/family member to go to the store for you with a list, run laundry or walk your dog. Every little bit helps as long as you are honest with yourself about what NEEDS to be done

I'm 3.5 weeks in with a very fussy baby and this is giving me hope ️

Mine will sound snarky but it is real: It will go by faster than you think. You will figure it out and one day you will realize that you feel like yourself again.

Also: Don't feel bad asking for help.

@petitenoisette: Yes, to the elimination diet thing. I did that with my first and absolutely learned by lesson and did not with my 2nd. I have advised so many moms not to do it but nobody listens lol.

@periwinklebee So I've had the same sitter for 2 years while I work 1 or 2 days a week. I'm unsure if I'm going to back to work after #2 so I might keep her on after the baby arrives to watch my older one so I actually get some 1:1 time with the new baby. When Lo2 is a few months older and not attached to the boob as much, maybe she'll watch both kids from time to time. LO 1 is also in a 2s program for just a few hours every week, I might increase the time she is there a little bit as well, at least in the beginning in the dark winter months.
If I were you, I'd try to find a mothers helper or something or a regular sitter. You'll quickly discover what help would benefit you the most...is it trying to juggle the awful hours of 4:30-7 pm getting dinner, baths and ready for bed when you could use an extra set of hands? Domestic help such as cooking and cleaning? For me it was having a few hours midweek so I could go to appointments, go grocery shopping alone...really some self care time. I'm someone who needs some "me" time.

1) EVERYTHING IS A PHASE. This too shall pass! I remember with my first, on bad nights, I just felt so hopeless like I can't see the end of the tunnel. But honestly, everything is just a phase, it will be over. I didn't sleep train either girls, and I've had my fair share of bad nights, but my 3 year old sleeps well so I know my 11 mo old will too!

2) FED IS BEST! I was sooo stressed out with breastfeeding DD1. I had to supplement at 6 mo and dried up at 9 months. And guess what? It's fine!! I've been able to EBF DD2 till now (almost 11 mo), but I had been much more at peace and not stressing out over every ounce I was/was not pumping, etc

3) LET GO. I had a hard time lowering expectations for a lot of other things in my life. Like a super clean house... Once I adjusted my expectations, I didn't have to be upset all the time.

4) ASK FOR & RECEIVE HELP! I didn't need to be a super mom; it was okay to not be okay and to ask for help and receive it when it's offered.

So cliche but don’t compare or worry about milestones. It seems so important at the time, but now DS is almost two and no one remembers if he rolled over at four or five months, you know??

@Littlebit7: Thank you - this is super helpful!

@periwinklebee: also I hear ya on not having your husband around much. Mine travels an insane amount. He's been in Europe since June sun-Friday. He might get like 3 seconds off around when the baby is born but then I'm pretty much on my own. So take advantage of help paid or unpaid.

@SweetiePie: Hi! FTM here, what are "Max awake times?"

@CC Mommy: How their needs change (predictably) as the age. Like:
-Birth-2 months: baby will sleep anywhere at totally random times, you really don't need to worry about it, but it's very smart planning for the future if you can start using good "sleep hygiene" during this period, which means a predictable routine to put baby down every time they nap, and do it in their crib in their room with the lights out
-2 months: Starting to be possible to figure out baby's preferred sleep/awake routine, which will be approximately the same from day to day, easiest to figure this out by watching baby's cues. My DD had awake intervals of max 90 minutes so I knew to start getting her ready for her next nap any time it had been like 75 minutes since she last woke. Can be a nutso frustrating period since their schedule is just starting to settle into place.
-3 months until WHO KNOWS: They keep a solid, predictable 3-naps-a-day routine for a LONG time, until they're ready to drop the third nap. DD was over a year old before this schedule changed at all.
-4-5 months: About the time to do sleep training if you can stomach it (and almost everyone ends up having to do either CIO or co-sleeping, though there are a few lucky people whose babies can teach themselves to go back to sleep without ever doing CIO). Things are different during/after the 4 month sleep "regression" which is really a developmental leap, it's important for them to learn self-soothing to go back to sleep at that point

A million other things but I really felt like it would have been helpful for me to know those basics.

Oh yeah a really important thing: around the 3 month mark is when a lot of shit starts to hit the fan, in terms of feeding issues, sleeping issues, and when PPD/PPA is very commonly known to manifest. That's what happened for me and I was totally blindsided since I thought 3 months meant the hardest part was over. Multiple professionals later informed me the 3 month mark is a very common time for PPD/PPA to blow up. I kind of feel like that is an important thing for postpartum mothers to know??

I always ask myself this question, it's applicable no matter the age of my kid (and I think I am always going to experience first time mom feelings) : When I am in a group of parents and we're watching our kids run off to kindergarten/first grade/second grade/etc, is anyone going to be asking me whether or not he was formula fed or breastfed/sleep trained/BLW/puree/etc?

Chances are the answer is no, so it helps me see it as a season.