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"As soon as she starts getting her rice cereal at four months she'll start sleeping through the night." At least fifty times a day from my mum. I love my mum to bits, but this is just NOT TRUE. And even if it was, it was not helpful when I was losing my mind at two months.
Also, anything that starts out, "They're only this small once, so just relax and enjoy the snuggles while you [breastfeed non-stop, rock the baby to sleep for hours/whatever else]." No, please, explain how this whole "relax and enjoy the snuggles" thing works while my newborn either pulls off the nipple and howls every five minutes while I nurse her, or screams in my arms as I "rock" her to sleep [read, bounce up and down on the fitness ball for hours while she struggles and eventually passes our from exhaustion.]
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@Elderberrygin: Srsly. Why does everyone seem to romanticize the newborn stage so much? Do they just block out the stress, sleep deprivation and inanity of the constant 3-hr cycle? It's like no one acknowledges the challenges and they just expect me to be 100% googly-eyed.
ETA: I definitely enjoy my baby a little bit more every day, and I am glad he is here and that we get to experience him. But it's not all puppy dogs and rainbows. There is also aerial pee and middle-of-the-night fussiness and breast feeding stress too.
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I basically hate anything unsolicited.
At 36wks pregnant with my first, these are really getting to me:
"Just wait - soon you'll REALLY be tired!"
"Get your sleep now!"
"You absolutely have to buy _____"
"Don't wait too long to get induced! That baby is big!"
Or, about waiting to know the sex, "You only get so many surprises in life." Really? Isn't every second with a new baby a surprise? Pretty sure the sex is one of millions of surprises this kiddo has in store for us. -
@singingbee: Ugh , the "YOU turned out fine, didn't you?!" drives me crazy! My mom uses that one a lot. She thinks that if I make a different parenting choice than she did then I'm criticizing her, when I'm simply just doing it MY way. I don't know why she has to make it like I'm attacking her personally.
Also, regarding my PPA, some people said "Just snap out of it! Look at your precious baby!" Umm, no, it doesn't work that way.
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I heard alot of "when visitors come, let them do the chores while you relax." But when they came, I felt guilty even considering asking them to do chores. And then after they left, I felt stupid for not following the advice.
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Ugh, I hated the "advice" my family gave me.
1- Don't hold your baby so much! It'll make him clingy when he's older.
2 - Don't bounce your baby. Don't rock your baby.
3 - Don't wear your baby.
When they'd come over, I was always holding him and my aunt would make snide remarks about how I have so much time to sit with the baby because I obviously don't have to do housework. Boo!!!
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I'm not even a mom yet but I'm getting annoyed with people telling me what I HAVE to buy. You HAVE to use this kind of bottle. HAVE TO. Just wait and see! You HAVE TO have this rock n play/mommaroo/graco-whatever. Do you have a <insert random thing>? No? OMG GO BUY ONE RIGHT NOW.
Particularly when I say "okay. So anyways..." then they continue to tell me I HAVE TO go buy this thing right now. Leave me the f alone. I will figure out what my kid needs on my own.
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@MoonMoon: I loved the NB days too!
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+1 for "Enjoy every minute." That made me nuts! Now that LO is 10 months I do get what they were trying to say, but so not helpful at the time.
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Add me to the "enjoy every minute" Camp of Hate. Eff that noise. It made me ragey for a looong time. Even now, at 1 year, it elicits a hard eye roll
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The give her cereal and she will STTN. BS! Sleep training made her STTN.
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I love everyone's responses!
I will also join the "enjoy every minute" hate camp of hate as @blackbird is calling it.
That kind of expectation in any scenario is just not realistic...unless we are talking about vacation!
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@Elderberrygin: @Smurfette: yes! "When my kids were babies we gave them rice cereal at x weeks. So that and they'll STTN". Yeah, and your kids are 30. Things have changed and I'm not giving my 3 week old rice cereal!
@catlady: yeah, and what are you going to do, tell them where every dish goes to empty the dishwasher or what clothes are folded and which are hung to help put laundry away? So unrealistic!
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@Elderberrygin: So many people said that to me about rice cereal and it is so not true. Then once he was eating and not STTN people who said this were surprised.
@catlady: that is good in theory. Sometimes when a visitor came over though it was nice to give them the baby and do a chore myself.
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@catlady: @Emsmems: OK, I say that, but only when I follow it with HOW to do it. It took us a while to figure it out- it was after I was standing at my kitchen sink, two days after giving birth to twins, doing dishes while my family cooed over the babies. We figured out that we just needed to write it down as a list, titled "Helpful Things Grandparents Can Do". Other people saw it, and did stuff on it. It was rad. I might be a weenie, though.
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@Mae: hah I would be the brat who says "wasn't going to but you're welcome to buy it for me!"
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Posted about this on our due date thread recently. More for pregnant moms than for after baby arrives, but anything implying you're this naive moron when plans for the baby come up in conversation. I KNOW that not every single thing I'd like to do is going to happen. But I'm not going to plan to fail, I'm just planning to take each thing as it happens and modify my plans accordingly. It especially annoys me to get the "you don't know, you'll see when you have kids." For one thing, as a former nanny, I do actually know how I handle some issues. While every kid is different, I have some experience that the average first time mom does not. For another, having kids isn't going to make me suddenly just change everything. And no, SIL, I will NEVER stop to get my 3yo Dunkin Donuts, and buy her 3 covered in frosting and chocolate because she'll only eat the tops off, all because she refused to get ready fast enough and there wasn't time to prepare a real breakfast at home before preschool. I may have to give in occasionally and have my LO eat something that isn't ideal due to time constraints, but that is very different than what she does.
I feel like sometimes people are embarrassed/ashamed of their choices, and are just hoping others will fall short of their standards too, so they can feel better about themselves. And that is incredibly annoying/frustrating.
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@littlek: hahaha I hate that question. Everyone asks me if she sleeps through the night. No, she is 5 weeks old and I don't want her to sleep through the night yet.
I had people tell me "helpful" things like "wow do you have a pediatrician?, she obviously is jaundiced." Or "my baby was way more active than yours, maybe you should try and keep her awake." Yes, please tell a FTM that something is wrong with their baby at a week old. Geez!! And turns out she wasn't jaundiced, she just has my moms and mine yellow skin tone.
Oh but I liked the enjoy every minute advice. I mean I heard it too much, but now that she's growing so fast I'm enjoying every minute to its fullest.
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@ElbieKay: lol aerial pee!! It seems like every time I'm JUST about to put a clean diaper on, my son sprays pee everywhere! Someone could've told me that it's possible for babies to get pee in their own hair, lol.
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@Torchwood: I think a lot of the advice giving is because people just like to try to feel useful or something. And/or it annoys them when people aren't scared/gobbling up any advice they can get. Yes, I do realize "I have no idea" and "it's harder than you realize" and "it's nothing like the books" to some extent. But at the same time, I'm pretty sure we'll figure it out. And if/when I need advice, I'll ask for it. I'm also extremely confident that every kid is different and what worked for your kid may or may not work for mine, so politely shove it, unless asked
(And I do ask my actual friends for advice all the time-- it's just the unsolicited type, particularly from people who insist i do things JUST this way and I'm a moron if I'm not terrified of breastfeeding or lack of sleep or whatever that annoys me). I tend to feel like people would be so much happier with me if I was a sniveling pile of goo and fear and tears begging every mom I know for all their best advice at any given opportunity and needing to be constantly consoled.
That kind of expectation in any scenario is just not realistic...unless we are talking about vacation!
(And I do ask my actual friends for advice all the time-- it's just the unsolicited type, particularly from people who insist i do things JUST this way and I'm a moron if I'm not terrified of breastfeeding or lack of sleep or whatever that annoys me). I tend to feel like people would be so much happier with me if I was a sniveling pile of goo and fear and tears begging every mom I know for all their best advice at any given opportunity and needing to be constantly consoled.
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