I'm curious if age gap has a role in how well your older LO adjusted to his/her new sibling. I have a couple of friends with really small gaps (13-15 months) and their transitions were really smooth! It seems like the people I know with larger gaps (2.5+) have a harder transition.
What was your gap? Was it a smooth transition?
57 votes
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
I voted that we have a medium gap (21 month) and that it was smooth, but in reality, the first 6-8 weeks were really rough! But it hasn't been too bad since then. Once Logan started crawling and destroying everything of Xander's though, forget about it.
wonderful cherry / 21504 posts
2.5 years and it has been really rough. Still is. The first few weeks were actually ok it was more when she realized this is the new normal. Now is tantrum town.
pomegranate / 3845 posts
@Adira: hahaha a little sib destroying a big sib's stuff?! Never... 
haha I remember my older brother getting sooooo mad if I even went in his room!
GOLD / wonderful pomegranate / 28905 posts
My girls are 28 months apart and it went really well! DD1 was very loving towards her baby sister from the start. Now that DD2 is a toddler there are more arguments and sharing problems. But in general they get along very well. I think temperament plays a factor as well.
hostess / papaya / 10219 posts
Mine are almost 3 years apart and it has gone very smoothly! There were some tantrums in the beginning, but I think it had to do with it being the holidays and lots of sleep inconsistencies and family visiting. He has always been sweet with little brother.
hostess / wonderful grape / 20803 posts
We had a 2.5 year gap and it was rough. DS1 didn't act out towards the baby, but he had a hard time in other areas. He also gave up his nap when DS2 was 3m so that was hard. And I was staying home and had them both home and DS2 was a terrible sleeper. I think 2.5-3 is a really hard emotional age anyways and adding a baby to it is hard. Our next gap will be 22 months no idea if it will be any better.
pomegranate / 3350 posts
Mine are 20 months apart and while there were challenging moments, overall it was pretty smooth. LO1 had the hardest time with me being in labor and then going to the hospital a couple days. For weeks he would flip out if one or both of us were not in his sight. He was really good with the baby though and they love each other so much it makes my heart burst.
My second and third will be 28 months apart and I am really nervous about how lo2 will handle it. He is much more of a mama's boy and will understand more. My sister has the same gap between her first two and it was and continues to be really hard.
honeydew / 7917 posts
2.5 years apart. Overall the transition was smooth, but we had a lot of bumps along the way.
wonderful cherry / 21504 posts
@winniebee: same- dd1 doesn't really act out towards the baby, but has major tantrums I assume over not getting enough attention from me. I stay at home and she was used to all of me all the time. Dd2 thankfully is a good sleeper though.
pineapple / 12793 posts
Need multiple votes.
12 month gap has been my easiest.
36 months was also very easy.
24 months was marginally less easy.
Overall adding new babies has been more challenging for me than for the kids.
papaya / 10570 posts
God, I'm so worried about this. E is already acting out and has become really, really clingy with me. I think it is because she knows she will have a baby sister in a few weeks but DH thinks that's all in my head and it is just her age.....
pear / 1852 posts
I wonder the same thing. We're still hoping for #2 someday soon, and with the financial plan we made with DD was little, we didn't start trying until this past fall. At this rate there will be nearly 5 years between them, so I do wonder if it will be smooth or rough since she's use dto being an only child.
I will be following the responses on this poll!
nectarine / 2771 posts
3 years apart, and 3 months in, I consider it pretty smooth! Dd1 has adored her sister from the start and her biggest challenge was learning that I wasn't always available to her. We had our fair share of a few epic tantrums, but she has adjusted well and those are few and far between for now. We shall see what happens once the baby is more mobile...
cantaloupe / 6206 posts
Following 
we'll have a 3.5 yr age gap but I feel like that's "big" on HB so not many experiences reported!
hostess / wonderful grape / 20803 posts
I think it's also really dependent on the child rather than the gap. My first is really sensitive and feels everything in a really big way, I didn't really appreciate that factor as much as I should have
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
I was six when my brother was born and according to my mother, I handled it terribly. I didn't want my brother at all, I was used to being the queen bee.
My husband, on the other hand, was 19 months when his sister was born, he says he doesn't remember a time when she wasn't there. They're not really close, he's closest to his sister that is 12 years younger.
I think the actual number of years has nothing to do with anything, it's personality.
pear / 1961 posts
2.5 year age gap, and it was really easy. Much easier than I expected it to be!
GOLD / wonderful pea / 17697 posts
We're only 3 months into it, but mine are 3.5 years apart and by and large it's been very smooth. E is old enough to understand we were bringing a baby home (we talked about what it would be like A TON before I had her--about how she'd cry when she was hungry because she didn't have words yet because she wasn't big like him, etc). He's really eager to "be a great big brother" and help...get me diapers, throw them away, things like that. He can also feed himself and mostly get himself dressed, and is basically potty-trained. We've had a couple of small hiccups lately...he's been really clingy, but he's sick.
hostess / cantaloupe / 6486 posts
19 month gap and it was smooth. By smooth I mean that DD1 didn't seem to act out or have any trouble with her sister. Even 10 months later she's very loving kind and sweet to her. i struggled hormonally and recovery wise, but I don't think that was your question lol
wonderful clementine / 24134 posts
Not quite sure where to vote. We had exactly a 3 year gap and it went very smooth. She was potty trained and could appreciate and understand her baby. However, I think anything less than that would have been a different story. Age 20 months - 3 years was a tough time with potty training for her.
cantaloupe / 6791 posts
20 month gap and it was rough!! BUT it only lasted a short time (less than a month). My toddler started throwing tantrums all the time and didn't want anything to do with me at all, which broke my heart. After 3 or so weeks, he adjusted and now, 7 months in, he is fine and doesn't remember a time without his brother.
grapefruit / 4321 posts
3 years exactly (their birthdays are 6 days apart). It's been pretty smooth. LO1 is pretty independent, sleeps and eats well for the most part, and can do her own thing when the baby needs me. She loves helping to take care of him so she thinks he's a fun project and not an attention stealer. The only time she gets mad at him is if he cries when Daniel Tiger is on
pomegranate / 3845 posts
@JoJoGirl: agree! I do think personality is huge, but age gap still plays a role it'd be much harder to do a poll of "what kind of personality does your LO have and how did that affect the adjustment to a new sibling?" Hahaha 
and totally agree on the age gap, ours will be 3.5 too!!
pomegranate / 3845 posts
@oliviaoblivia: I'm so sorry!! I didn't think about multiple siblings! I fixed it now!
pear / 1809 posts
Medium gap between my boys (about 25 months). My son was NOT happy about having a baby brother for about a month. He slowly started warming up to the idea, but for a while there he was constantly throwing tantrums and crying all the time. It was hard
wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts
I'm curious to since we're planning for a 2.5 gap. It really sounds like it depends on the temperament of the 1st LO!
apricot / 343 posts
16 month age gap. LO1 seemed to not notice the baby for the first week she was home, and then it was as if he forgot she had ever not been there
Now that they are older (12 months and 28 months), we do have issues sometimes: they both prefer mama at various times, they want the same toy, etc. But it seems like just typical sibling stuff, rather than a transitional issue.
pear / 1837 posts
3 years apart and I have been blown away at how easy/how much older sister loves younger sister. Older is old enough to play on her own, understand what is going on, and help out with/dote on baby. We obviously have moments when older sister is needy or frustrated that she's not the center of attention, but overall much better than I anticipated.
pear / 1616 posts
We had a 20 mo gap it went pretty smooth. It took dd about a couple days to adjust. But she hasn't had many jealousy issues. She did go through a bit of a terrible twos phase but it started before DS came around the time of her 2-1 nap transition so I atttribute it more to that
pomelo / 5524 posts
Our LOs are almost 3 years apart exactly. Their birthdays are 5 days apart. Our introduction couldn't have been smoother. LO1 loves his little brother, and he's really good with him. Sometimes I have to remind him to be gentle when he's hugging him too hard or he's pulling on his hand too much, but otherwise, I don't know how he's so good with him!
grapefruit / 4455 posts
Voted large gap & smooth but they are almost exactly 3 years apart and it has been surprisingly smooth. Dd has been very accepting of her brother and we were able to talk a lot about it beforehand.
eggplant / 11716 posts
Medium gap, LO handed it pretty well. I definitely needed more time to adjust as a mom of two, haha.
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22646 posts
Just over a 2.5 year gap and it's been a smooth transition. Ds went through a ton of life transitions that year and he handled becoming a big bro like a champ! We def had a period of his turning 3 but it never impacted his behavior or relationship with baby brother! If we decide to go for baby 3 were going to shoot for a smaller gap because I want to be done w pregnancy, but I wonder how different the transition will be with a smaller gap than we had with 1 and 2!
pineapple / 12053 posts
i think it's a pretty large difference in being less than 2 years apart and almost 3 years apart, so i didn't vote (because i'm annoying!). my girls are 2y10m apart and it's been medium. ha. not so easy (that was having 1 for me) but also not impossible or anything. sometimes i feel like it's hard but other days, it rocks. DD1 has been fine, it's me that needs the work!
the almost 3 year gap is great because DD1 got herself dressed for bed and brushed her teeth while i nursed DD2 to sleep.
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
Our kids are almost exactly 2 years apart and I voted medium gap & smooth. I was really nervous about this because DD was such a mama's girl, and really introverted/shy and mostly wanted me all.the.time. But to my surprise, she dealt with the transition really well, and was so loving and gentle to her baby bro.
I think besides just temperament (in general, she is pretty even keel and logical - even as a toddler!)... during my pregnancy with #2, DH really stepped up and took on a lot of the kid #1 duties. He bathed her every night, took her on daddy/daughter dates, and we did bedtimes together. By the time #2 came along, she was already used to spending more time with daddy and becoming a daddy's girl while I focused more on the baby.
It also helped that she was in daycare full-time, so it was really just the weekends that I was juggling baby + toddler... so maybe the transition wasn't as noticeable or a big deal to her. On weekends we did a lot together as a family so I don't really think she ever felt too shafted by the change - I just dragged the baby everywhere (poor 2nd child haha, but luckily he was an easy baby and very adaptable), and she seemed to understand when I needed to nurse or whatnot. Also, lots of TV/ipad time to keep her preoccupied whenever it was just me, her, and the baby!
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