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I have a pretty good relationship with MIL. We're SO different, so sometimes she drives me batty. I'm sure I do the same to her though. We only see my ILs a few times a year, and I'm not great at emails and phone calls. I don't think our relationship changed that much after LO, but I think it changed with DH's family overall. I think I feel much more a part of the family now.
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We are cordial. There were some inconsistencies about her from the beginning that to me are big character flaws. I think we have both decided to keep our distance her reasons are unknowm to me.
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I do not care for my MIL. We get along, and I can (almost) tolerate being around her but everything she does and says annoys me. After we got married she said to my DH "when a mother has a son and he gets married, she no longer has a son". She is awefully dramatic. She thinks since he is 27 he is too young to be married or have babies. Her thought process on everything is the complete opposite of mine. "You shouldn't breastfeed" "you must keep the cat litter in the kitchen, the cat will never find it in the basement" (eww) and the list goes on. I could go on and on and on. I love her but I don't really enjoy being around her that much.
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My MIL is a nice woman. We actually have some common interests, and I find her interesting to talk to. That said, in general, DH's family is very self-absorbed. Since we live a 3.5 hour drive away, we might as well live a 4 hour plan ride away. My MIL has not once called or e-mailed me during the pregnancy to ask how I was doing. For them, since we don't live close enough to them, they essentially ignore us and act as if they are doing us a favor by visiting or interacting with us. Because of this attitude they'll be taking a vacation when I have the baby later this month. It's a different understanding and view of family than I have, so it can be very frustrating for me.
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Before LO we didn't have much of a relationship. There were some things that happened over the course of dating/engagement that had me holding back.
After LO I think we really found a groove. She respects me as a parent and I am happy that LO gets so much time with DH's mom.
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@Beebug: We're in a similar situation with a blowup after a visit post LO's birth. I worked hard at keeping the lines of communication open with emails, etc. when I was pregnant. Before that, I made sure that birthdays were remembered. After everything went to hell, I stopped all of that. She attacked our new family in so many bad ways and put our marriage through the ringer. Doing that to your son's marriage is unforgivable in my book.
Before I was pregnant, she generally left us alone, but still made some awful digs at our relationship. Nothing like saying that you thought that we would divorce when we got married. She said this after a year of marriage. During pregnancy, I kept the lines of communication open. She didn't email anything herself, etc. It was all on me.
After the blowup, I can say that I hate my MIL and don't respect her. To do what she did to our marriage and our family is unacceptable. She's not welcome in our home ever again even if we move to a bigger place. I'll work my hardest to be civil to her, but I will never be the "daughter" figure that she wants especially after she spent a good portion of our dating, engagement, early marriage making it clear that I wasn't who she wanted her son to marry. I took a hard stand and DH is so worried about how he's perceived with his family. I'm the lone dissenter of her world and he's afraid of her and her reaction. So, it's extremely complicated, but I wish she'd back off of my DH and let us be a family.
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We get along but I get annoyed by her strong opinions from time to time.
Our relationship has improved a lot since LO was born. She was really competitive when DH and I were dating and engaged.
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My MIL is awesome, and while there's a language barrier between us, she always finds a way to show me she cares and loves me. I'm sure once DS arrives, this will only continue!
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I don't have a MIL since she died when my DH was young. It makes me sad that this happened, but in a way I am also relieved that I don't have a MIL (I mean this in the most respectful way possible, of course I really wish she were still here).
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She's pretty awesome and we get along very well (great considering she lives 5 min away) as long as we stay away from certain topics (politics, gays - she doesn't think they should be allowed to teach school or BE AROUND children..., breastfeeding -she thinks it sexualizes children, and religion- she thinks her branch of Protestant "follows the bible" more than mine and she doesn't even attend church regularly...)
But that's it. I'm pretty lucky. Just avoid those minefields and we get along splendidly.
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I am so lucky to have the relationship I do with my MIL! I sincerely love her and my FIL as if they were my own parents, and since I never knew my dad and am estranged from my mother, they are even more precious to me. We used to live 10 minutes away from them but now live across country, and that has been a tough adjustment, especially to MIL, but we still talk several times a week on the phone and text all the time. I know she is sad that her first grandchild will be growing up so far away from her, and I really hope this doesn't change our relationship at all. She has always been very respectful of me and my feelings, even inviting me to tell her if she's crossed any boundaries, and I hope her feeling even less control due to LO's arrival and the distance won't change that. I really don't think it will, and if it does I feel lucky that she's proven to me time and time again that I can be honest with her and tell her to back off if I need to.
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