We are entering the world where our 3 1/2 year old thinks she can discipline our 1 year old. I have repeatedly told her "we are the parents, you are the children, we will handle the disciplining" but I still hear her trying to discipline her sister. She will try and put her in time out, yells at (aka scares) her, ect. I'm at my wits end because she is super sassy right now and just responds "well i'm the big sister, and i know what is right!" How do you handle a bossy pants 
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We say, "that's not your job. Your job is to be kind and helpful." Then when it happens again big sibling gets sent to time out because that is an obedience/listening issue and for us that means a time out.
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@MrsSRS: I often say "who's the boss" and she says "mommy and daddy are the bosses" so she knows but she still does it. I also give timeout after the second time, but honestly time outs are just not effective anymore for us. I need to find something that works.
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Well, when I was a nanny the mom (and I) used a 'good choices box' that was really effective with the 3-4yo age range. So, when the little stinker Sasser you or tries to discipline her sibling, you take a toy and put it in a clear box in sight but out of reach. "X is not a good choice. You need to Y. If you cannot make good choices you will lose the privilege of having Z to play with." Then carry on with no discussion pretending like you aren't bothered at all. The toys stay all day. Then at bedtime the toys get taken out and put away with a gentle reminder that "tomorrow you can make good choices and you will have another chance to play with these." Laborious, but it worked for us. Maybe worth a shot? Good luck!
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With a strong willed child, it's definitely a power stuggle. Tackle this with both positive and negative reinforcement.
If she does it again, put her in time out.
But give her a different charge of responsibility. Tell her she can teach baby good and bad behaviors and to tell baby to praise of baby is being good and tell why if baby is being bad.
In the future, you may have to explain the difference between tattling and telling but having the older sibling set a good example is giving her a job.
You can explain it like, mommy and daddy are teachers, she's the special helper.
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We made it clear to my (then) three year old that mommy and daddy were in charge of the kids; we also made her the "boss" of her baby dolls. She still does a fair bit of tattling ("Momny, I'm just warning you..."), but it generally IS helpful info; not petty things - I actually don't mind the help.
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We have this issue a lot (similar age gap). When it happens, I immediately try to say something like "Thank you for trying to be a helper. But things like that are only for mommies and daddies to say/do (whatever)." I try to be specific; we also talk about respecting her body and her choices (if applicable). I do try to let her participate in "teaching" younger sister things that she could do instead, either verbally telling the little one or showing her. And I praise her a lot when she is actually helpful and lets me know, for example, that little sister is climbing on something or whatever.
It's frustrating, though! Especially when they know they aren't supposed to!!
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I constantly remind them that we are the parents. I have a bossy middle child.
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