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Does your daughter say anything to the little girl when she does it? I would start by talking to your daughter first and perhaps give her some things to say when it happens. My guy will be 3 in nov and one of his BFFs is very aggressive and physical. It was clear that ds did not like to play that way so we told him to say “please stop. I don’t like that!” and it works surprisingly well, though ds has to say it almost every time we get together.

Just chiming in as the mom of a little girl like this one. For me I am constantly trying to figure out when to intervene since my girl is often the source of the problem and like you said, it’s not fair for her to be constantly annoying the other kids and making it not fun for them. I know kids need to work it out themselve but when my girl is always the instigator it doesn’t really seem fair to the other kids. I agree to start by having your daughter firmly tell her to stop. Beyond that, I just don’t know. In a class setting, as mom, I try not to jump in and interrupt, but there was one time this year my daughter’s ballet teacher brought her out to me because she was disrupting class too much. I made her sit with me and calm down for five minutes and when I brought her back in she behaved better. I don’t know what I would do in your situation but I can say it sucks being the mother of the other girl sometimes.

@Foodnerd81: I am so glad you wrote this, to offer the other side. It can be exhausting to be the parent of the other child and this is why sometimes I say that I parent out loud for the benefit of other parents and children.

I would talk to the teacher and let her know what you are observing and ask her if there are some strategies that can be employed, such as another staff member to come in and help in the class.

I just had an to intervene/ not intervene decision to make myself. Mornings now include parents helping kids wash hands and from what I have observed I am the one complying. Anyway, for two mornings in a row, LO’s friends rush over to him with toys and my LO has wanted space around the classroom sink. Yesterday, I tried to just refocus LO at the task at hand while he told me and his friends “no so and so.” That’s what the teachers teach the kids to have them work it out themselves. I said nicely to the kids LO doesn’t want to play right now. This morning I asked the teacher for help and she said more firmly “back up so and so” and poof they scattered.

I will work on helping LO find the words he needs to take care of himself, but otherwise in a situation where there is a neutral authority figure I would expect them to intervene. Maybe you need to nudge the teacher about setting rules and expectations at the beginning of the next class or talk to the other mom to help her remind her daughter.

I'd just like to say that this has been a very informative and useful thread. DD is just 18 months, but I see this on the horizon and approaching fast. Thanks for the good techniques ladies! Now I feel prepared

Chiming in as the parent of a quiet, very unassertive child who tended to get pushed away quite a bit when she was younger. At that age (3), I would have brought it up to the teacher as well as giving my daughter the tools to help her deal with it on her own (saying “no thank you” very firmly). I would not bring up to the other parent. I feel like that’s the teacher’s role, as a neutral person.

As L has grown older (she’s 6 now), I’ve realized that my initial instinct - to fight all her battles and protect her at any cost - was not correct. (Of course when she’s getting hurt or something, I would intervene, even now) but if she’s not in physical danger, I try role playing with her and arming her with the tools to handle the problem herself. We practice a lot, even now - how to say “no thank you” firmly when a kid invades her space, and to know when to ask an adult for help.