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@Corduroy: Hopefully soon!!! He will be SAHD this summer.

From day 1. And I had an easier time leaving LO2 than I did LO1 so I took him up on it whenever I needed to. For Mother's Day I went away and left him alone with both kids overnight (LO1 is 3.5 and LO2 is 5 months) and they all did great. Though my husband's eyes sure were blood shot at brunch the next morning from the baby keeping him up at night

In my opinion, if you are a parent to 2 kids, "refusing" to watch 2 kids isn't actually an option.

I voted early infancy because it took both of us a few weeks to be comfortable, but DH would have done it from Day 1 if we had needed to. I agree with @Truth Bombs: if you are a parent to 2 kids, then it's not really an option to refuse to watch both at the same time, but since your SO is, here are a couple things that I try to do to make DH's life easier when I am leaving him with both kids.

Try to schedule the outing for a time when one or both kids will be napping or, at minimum, try not to do them during the crazy parts of the day. Nap time if good for us because LO1 still naps 1-2 hrs most days. Meal times might be good too, since LO2 would be contained and LO1 would be eating at the table. I also tend to do things after the kids go to bed, so I will plan to meet friends at 8:30pm. DH is also a lot more lax about screen time than I am, so if he needs to distract LO1, he will just give her a phone.

I also try to set him up for success, by making sure that bottles, snacks, meals, etc are prepped, the diaper bag is packed if they are going somewhere, and maybe a new toy or activity to keep LO1 occupied. DH often takes them to the park because he can contain both in the stroller to walk there, then LO2 stays in the stroller or is in the baby swing and LO1 is free to run around.

Day 1. He's been a SAHD since before we had our second. I also agree with above posters that he is a parent to 2, so refusing to watch them both is ridiculous.

DD is 11 months amd DH still isn't comfortable with two. He has a hard time partially because she really never took a bottle like DS did. But now she's fine with solids and water so just yesterday I told him it was time to freaking let that one go and realize that she's firmly past the infant needs Mommy stage. I've been basically pushing him into situations where he's set up for success because I know from experience that the best way to get him comfortable is for him to realize he's already doing it and succeeding. So he takes the kids to the gym by himself once a week (then they hang in the nursery while he works out) and that got him better at getting them in and out of the car. At first I had to help get them ready and buckled but now he can do it. That set the precedent for me getting some time alone and felt manageable to him. I sent them to a favorite playground yesterday so I could get some work done and they were totally fine for two hours. Baby steps. And patience. (And some conversations about sucking it up and learning to deal.)

Another thought - could you bring in reinforcements? Sometimes DH will ask his BF to bring his kid over or I will plan an outing with my sister and BIL brings their kids over. DH still has to manage both LOs, but sometimes just having another adult around helps.

@Truth Bombs: I agree, if you have 2 kids, you should be able to watch them both. If I had to step out (like for an appointment) DH would have done it, but for things like grocery shopping, sometimes it was easier to just go as a family and have both sets of hands there if needed.

@Corduroy: I can understand why you are frustrated. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate and you really need a break.

Why is your DH so uncomfortable watching both kids?

DH is gonna have to when my maternity leave ends! DD currently only goes to daycare 3 half days a week and we can't afford more hours. I can't imagine my mom being there allllll the time either, so he's gonna have to figure it out. Man, I'm starting to feel bad for him. I need to let him have some fun this summer!