I know there are so many ladies out there struggling to conceive, and when I think of how "easy" it was for me to get pregnant and how relatively uncomplicated the past 8 months have been, I feel bad when I complain. That said, I HATE being pregnant.
Anyone else feeling the easy-pregnancy-guilt?
And on the flip side, if you had/are having a difficult time getting pregnant (or having a difficult pregnancy), how do you feel when those who "have it easy" complain?
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I think you're totally allowed to complain! Just because it was easy doesn't mean you're any less pregnant than another pregnant person.
I always twinge a little when people who started a family early complain about their lives because I"m a little jealous since I live in such an expensive city and had to wait. But that's totally unfair of me to feel that way since it was obviously my choice to move here.
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It took us a while to get pregnant but still easier than a lot of couples.
My pregnancy has also been really really easy thus far. I hope it doesn't mean she will be a terror when she's here!
Generally I try not to complain bc I really do not have much to complain about. But occasionally I do and I feel guilty about ti! When I do I leave it for my husband.
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I think everyone has a right to an opinion about their own situation. But if you know someone else who is having a difficult time with something, then it is best to be sensitive and not brag that you are having an easy time. I am sorry that you are not liking your pregnancy but you are almost done!
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It took us a while to get pregnant and I had a loss, but we didn't have it as hard as many couples. But, I had a very easy pregnancy up until 30w - and I still complained ; ) I felt guilty complaining because (a) I said while TTC that I would NEVER complain once I got pregnant and (b) I actually like being pregnant.
As you know, my pregnancy got difficult around 30w and have been on bedrest for almost 3 weeks. Doesn't bother me at all when others complain about pregnancy even if their pregnancies are *easy*. Pregnancy is different for everyone and not everyone likes being pregnant! I do get a little jealous when I hear/read about all of the pregnancy preparations that others are making, wishing I could be doing that stuff too!
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I do complain about my pregnancy on here but not to people in real life because i know people have it much worse than me. When people ask me how its going I just say great or so far so good.
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Oh, good point @Mrsbells. I never complained to anyone other than my husband, mother, and sister in real life (though I do complain a lot to my internet friends!). Whenever someone asked how things were going, I'd just say "good."
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I never complained about my pregnancy because I know others who had/are having a hard time conceiving or are having difficult pregnancies.
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I do feel guilty that we got pregnant so easily. I have some close friends and a set of cousins who are having trouble conceiving and I do feel very guilty, and wish I could send them some of my apparent fertility dust or help in some other way.
I have not had an “easy” pregnancy, though certainly easier than some so I try not to complain too much. I never complain IRL, except to my mom and husband. To be honest though, when I hear women complain about the terrible 2 whole weeks of morning sickness they had where they never even threw up once (just felt sick), my eyes roll so hard I’m surprised I don’t sprain my neck.
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I think you're allowed to complain either way. I had a miscarriage and was really greatful to become pregnant again and have a sticky baby. But I still complained, and I also felt bad about it. I loved having LO in my belly but I had crazy bad migraines that sent me to the ER often, and at the end I was huge and had all those aches and pains that come with it. I didn't love the side effects of pregnancy, but I loved carrying my LO.
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If they ask, I tell them an honest answer. I was miserable for the first 4 months of my pregnancy. I would show up to work looking like death warmed over and I didn't see the point in pretending like I felt great. That being said, I made a real effort to not go around and complain all the time. If somebody didn't ask, I didn't mention it.
My SIL has had a hard time conceiving so I've tried to not complain to her at all although she knows I've been horribly sick.
I'm not the type to run around and sugar coat things. My feelings on this pregnancy are that I am over the moon thrilled to be pregnant and be having this little girl but I absolutely despise being pregnant.
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Just because a pregnancy may be easy physically, doesn't mean an emotional toll isn't being taken. I know my pregnancy was low risk, no complications, overall easy but the mental toll it took was enough to make me not want a second child. Sure, maybe keep some of those complaints to a minimum around certain audiences but you never know what another person is going through and it could always be less than or more than you are.
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I finally hit the point this weekend where when someone asked how I was feeling, I said "Honestly, I'm ready for this to be done." I couldn't muster up another "fine" response.
I've seen people on other boards commenting about how they're sick of hearing women complain about being pregnant since they "were lucky enough to get pregnant easily" or "had been trying so long, she should just be happy about getting pregnant". It really irritates me. Just because you want the baby doesn't mean you need to be excited about the process it takes to get that baby here! -
@Goldilocks1107: That feeling is ok. I always thought the same thing - I shouldnt complain. Then one day around 8 months, I started saying F it. Im just done. I told my SIL (who had to go through IVF) how bad I felt about that and she was like "please, I was the last one who should have complained, and I did toward the end too. You have a right to be sick of it regardless of how easy or hard the road was"
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Our road was hard and even still I did not enjoy being pregnant, for the most parts. I don't mind if people complain. Everyone has their own threshold of comfort/pain.
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I don't get offended when people complain because I know once I get pregnant I'll be complaining about something!
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I think it's difficult to be on either side. I got pregnant on my 6th cycle of trying (not bad by any means) and then have had a very easy pregnancy. I try very hard not to focus on the "ease" of everything, because I know so many women are hit with terrible morning sickness, extreme discomfort, bed rest due to complications, etc.
But on the flip side, even though things have been "easier" on me...it's still rough being big and pregnant and uncomfortable! Anyway you look at it, at the end of the day pregnancy isn't easy by any means, it's just harder on some women than it is on others!
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I had an easy time getting pregnant, first time trying. But I still complain when I'm tired, sick, emotional but usually it is to my husband or my closest friends. I try to have a happy face on out in public and around those who aren't in my close circle.
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This is why I like this community. We don't seem to have the "suck it up, you wanted the baby" mentality that some other sites seem to have. It definitely makes things a little better knowing that I'm not the only one irritated by X, Y or Z, or feeling certain aches and pains!
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Yeah I felt a little guilty especially since someone in my family may not be able to have kids. I guess I had a relatively easy pregnancy, but I did has ms til 17 wks, sciatica from 6-30 wks. Then pre-e at the end and had to give up my dream birth. So I know I could have had it easier.
But I was always honest in a non-complaining way. If people asked how I felt I'd say, "oh it's been hard with my back pain but I've found some things that help." something along those lines where I don't seem like a martyr but not little miss sunshine lol people generally ask because they care. I had many people say they would be praying for me and that was nice. -
I had a hard time conceiving. We decided to adopt brought our DS home then immediately found out I was pregnant with twins. It was a miserable pregnancy. My twins developed twin to twin transfer syndrome. Every week I had to go in to see if they were stable. The perinatomogist just kept hoping I would make it to 27 weeks. Well we made it to 37 and kept them stable. All during that time I was sick and horribly uncomfortable and also taking care of an infant. I complained to someone in my family that my hips were hurting a little bit at 30 weeks. They told me I got exactly what I wanted so I shouldn't complain. I completely lost my S--t and it was at a family BBQ. I screamed that I did want to be a mother but I did not expect three in nine months. I also didn't ask to have twins where I had to go to the doctor every week to see if they were still alive. So if they SL me how I am and I say my hips hurt a little bit they needed to get off my back about it because there was So much more I could have complained about. I didn't feel guilty at all for yelling at my cousin but I never complained to anyone else. Not even my husband.
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I think you are allowed to complain. We were able to get pregnant quickly (3 months), had a relatively easy pregnancy (not a lot of morning sickness), but had our bombshell of an ultrasound at 20 weeks, when we lost the baby.
I have the hardest times with the ones that don't want a baby, but they other spouse does, so they are going through with it. I've had one person tell me that I was lucky to have what happened to me. Children are difficult and your life changes. I just walked away from that one. I just hope we have that easy of time when we can start trying again.
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I'm on my 6th month of TTC and I don't mind when pregnant friends complain. I have baby fever so bad that I just like being around pregnant women and people with kids. It's good insight for me as to what's to come whenever I do get pregnant.
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I totally understand what you are saying. We got pregnant right away and I had no MS or other real complications. I feel like a jerk sometimes when I complain about my intense pelvic pain or terrible reflux since they are literally the only difficult things i've had to deal with. I figure though, that just because I don't have a lot of other things going on, it doesn't make those couple of things any easier or better!
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I just give people an honest answer if they ask. If on that day, I'm feeling good, then I will say I'm doing well. But if I feel like crap, then I will say it! I wont' go around and complain just to complain. But if somebody specifically asks, I'll just tell them how I'm honestly feeling.
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I feel alot like you Goldilocks. I conceived in 2 months (3 cycles) at an older age and while I feel incredibly lucky, I absolutely do not like being pregnant. At all. I have tons of guilt over this too because I have wanted a baby for so long and when it's finally time, we have no issues getting pregnant or any major complications. There are so many who have so many issues, that I feel like a real jerk complaining. I've vented to some and have had lots of women tell me they didn't like being pregnant either. That has been helpful to hear.
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I just try to remember that we all have our own crosses to bear. For some people, it's incredibly hard to get pregnant; others (like me) have really difficult pregnancies and struggle for nine months; still others have such a hard time with parenting, unhealthy babies, adjusting to their new lives, etc... I feel incredibly lucky that DH and I haven't had any issues conceiving and that we have had two super easy, healthy, wonderful babies. Even though I try to stay positive during pregnancy (which really sucks, even without complications), I don't begrudge anyone the opportunity to complain. We all have our own issues, and what's difficult for one person might be a breeze for another.
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I think everyone's got the right to complain - to them, it's worth complaining about! just like when people complain about issues in general life..it's tough for you, so it's okay to complain
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I have had a hard time with this pregnancy, it took me 13 months to conceive, and then I have been plagued with complications. I do admit sometimes when I am with a pregnant friend who has had the worlds easiest pregnancy and she complains I want to slap her a bit .... but I also understand just because I have had lots of complications doesn't mean I can judge how people feel about their pregnancies. I also know that the fact that despite all I have had to deal with, that I love being pregnant isn't the norm, and that most people in my position don't feel the same as I do.
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@MsMini: Well said!
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I just ran into a co-worker who is 6 weeks pregnant. She was complaining about how nauseous she is and how much she's dreading the rest of this pregnancy. She said she's been feeling nauseous from 8pm to bedtime but feels fine the rest of the day. I almost slapped her cause I had MAJOR ALL DAY NAUSEA from 6 weeks to 14 weeks. At least she was being honest. lol
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@banana: Okay, I just sat here and laughted out loud at the thought of you slapping your coworker. I'm not usually a violent person or see humor in someone getting slapped.
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I don't know if I would say that my pregnancy has necessarily been "difficult," but I have had my fair share of complications. I have to see a high-risk doctor and am on a TON of medication. I also have been on modified bed rest since 20 weeks.
I have lots of friends who are having much "easier" pregnancies, and they still complain a TON. I mean like non-stop texting about how much pregnancy sucks. It doesn't bother me though---I think pregnancy can be pretty uncomfortable for everyone, even if it's uncomplicated. Especially at the end when it feels like a bowling ball is about to fall out of your vagina. -
I think everyone has the right to complain to some extent. There is no way to know how a person really feels, and even though some have it worse than others, it's not the normal state of being for anyone..
But at the same time there is a such thing as tact. For example, I will tell others that I felt miserable in the first tri. Although I never threw up (throwing up is soooo rare for me, I can pretty much remember every instance since I was four!) I was nauseous morning, noon, and night for 9 weeks straight. So yes during that time and right after it I was in shock and complained! BUT only to immediate family. To everyone else (especially those with baby fever/ trouble TTC) I just say "I was feeling really sick in the beginning but I'm feeling normal now!"
The only thing that bothers me is if a woman only has negative things to say about her pregnancy and never talks about being excited for the baby, etc..
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I've already learned that I have NO idea what any other pregnant woman is going through - all it took was imagining going through this degree of morning sickness with a toddler (I've been in the "eat, puke, sleep" mode for the better part of the last week.) So I wouldn't judge anyone else for complaining.
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