I just wrote this line in another thread: In our case it had to do with DH interviewing like a freaking serial killer, and not the charming kind.
My DH is a bit nerdy, super sweet and silly, but presents as a bit scary. He is a man of few words and has an icy stare. He does well once he works somewhere for a while because the great characteristics come out, but meeting him briefly during an interview or a social event can be disconcerting. 
Mostly I have his back, but sometimes I wish he would try a little harder.
Any one else have a non-charming partner?
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My husband is really shy, and has a hard time with small talk. But as long as he can gear the conversation towards technical skills and specific topics he does great. So maybe try to work on some techniques of turning the conversations towards topics where your husband feels confident enough to be engaging if not charming.
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DH is not very charming/friendly when you first meet him either. He's introverted, shy and doesn't like socializing. Everyone that knows him well love him and they joke around and it's all good, but when you first meet him, he doesn't say much and is bad at small talk!
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This is me! I'm pretty shy and don't like to socialize, but if I know you well enough, I'm more open and appear to be friendlier. I have what people call "bitch rest face". Yikes!!
Meanwhile, DH is the life of the party and is a total social butterfly. He can meet anyone during vacay and based on their conversation and demeanor, you'd think they were close friends of ours! In reality, he just met them 2 minutes ago. ha
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@Alivoo01: My husband is like yours too while I'm more shy and quiet. He claims to be shy but watching him in social situations (especially ones where he's just met someone) you'd never know it! He's great at small talk whereas I tend to let the conversation fizzle out
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@Alivoo01: I have bitch face too
People are always telling to smile, or cheer up, and I'm like "this is my happy face!!"
I'm not very talkative in person either, so I know I can come off as rude. I do try to fake it when I'm in social situations, but mostly I hang around DH and don't say much. -
I'll be the first to admit that I'm fairly socially awkward. I'm very shy until I warm up to someone, then we get along great and people think I'm really friendly.
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I think it would be helpful for him to have a few questions ready to get other people to talk about themselves . . . people love to talk about their lives! It doesn't entail being *charming,* just a good listener armed with a few opening questions.
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@MamaMoose: My DH is a lot like this too! Unless something piques his interest he's shy and more of a listener, so I try to bring up topics where he's likely to pitch in, or ask him direct questions.
@charmed: Ugh, I so have this problem! I had one former co-worker who would always say, "Why don't you ever look happy? Smile!" I hated her so much. Which is probably why she never saw me looking happy... I'm generally a bit more talkative though, and get friendly and upbeat pretty quickly. But people who harass me about my resting bitch face do not get to see the friendly side of me.
OP, I know a lot of career counselors will do practice interviews, maybe your DH could get some help from that sort of thing?
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@wonderstruck: I swear my husband likes to "brainstorm" conversation topics when we are headed to parties.... even with our close friends!! It cracks me up.
@MsLipGloss: suggestion is great too. People really do love to talk about themselves.
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@lizzywiz: Hah! 'serial killer, and not the charming kind' Excellent.
My DH is not charming at all. He's very socially awkward, has 'resting bitch face,' and until you get to know him, just seems like a total a-hole. Luckily I'm good at pretending to be charming, so I can get us through most social situations! I do worry about when he has to go interview in the future, because he is so bad at talking to people! -
@MsLipGloss: I agree with this. Just ask questions and most people are more than willing to talk about themselves.
As for the question, my husband isn't necessarily *not* charming, but he is English and sometimes his sense of humor can come across as a little bit much. But for what it's worth, his personality wouldn't even raise an eyebrow in the UK. Just a cultural difference.
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@wonderstruck: Oh, he is ok job-wise now.
There are tons of things he could do, but that would involve him actually caring about it, lol
.We just kind of accept that we are an awkward couple to have over and most of the people who like us like weird ones. Thank God.
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DH is a very confident guy. However that comes across as pretty arrogant sometimes. I have to remind him to tone it down sometimes because it can be very annoying!
People are always telling to smile, or cheer up, and I'm like "this is my happy face!!"Reply
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