...what do you do to pull yourself out of it?
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@mrskansas: What kind of rut? If just a bad mood, I listen to (loud) country music and drink wine
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@wrkbrk: Ha! I do like that idea
It's not necessarily a bad mood but more of just feeling in a funk almost every day. Does that make sense? It's hard to explain! -
@mrskansas: Yeah, totally. Sometimes it's weather related for me, or it means I haven't been doing enough of what I enjoy - usually because of spending too much time online or something like that. Is there something missing from your life right now that you can think of?
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@wrkbrk: I think TTC-related stuff has me feeling a little down just from the stress of it all. My job is pretty unfulfilling so that probably has a lot to do with it too.
We do have a vacation coming up in June so I think that will be a tremendous help!
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@mrskansas: Got it. Try focusing on that, then! Google photos and plan your clothes and activities and buy some books to take, etc.!
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@mrskansas: how about a fun night out with your girlfriends! It always helps me relax a little!
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@wrkbrk: Ooh yes shopping for vacation! That is on my list
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@Mamaof2: I think that's part of my problem. We moved 2 years ago and in between being pregnant and then having a baby/toddler and working full time I haven't made any actual friends. It's so hard to make friends as an adult!
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@mrskansas: I have no real advice, only sympathy. I think this all the time because of, stupidly enough, Facebook - I constantly see people I know "adding friends" and I'm thinking "How are you making new friends?" I don't think I've made a new friend since university!
I always found exercise helpful, specifically going for a run, but that's one of the things that's really hard to get myself motivated to do, especially when I'm already a bit down.
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@erinbaderin: I definitely need to start working out but like you said, it's tough to motivate yourself when you're already down. I think it would help with my bigger issue of not feeling good about my body so I probably need to suck it up and just do it!
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Pay for an exercise class so you have motivation to go!
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One thing that tends to help me is to read a really good book - if it's something I can get really immersed in, it has kind of a "reset" effect on my brain and my mood. It's relaxing but still feels productive, if that makes sense, more so than when I spend a night watching TV or messing around online.
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I usually take a community ed class when I'm in a rut. My most recent was swing dancing.
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I totally understand how you feel and have been feeling the same way lately. @elljay: I like this idea and it also feels doable. I know lately I definitely feel kind of blah once we collapse on the couch after putting our daughter to bed and do nothing for the next couple hours before bed.
I also am trying to get back into taking daily walks. We have a dog and we got really lazy this winter in the cold weather but it is good for us all. I took a long walk this weekend with our dog and daughter in the stroller and got a stroller nap out of it too (after her regular nap failed :P) !
@erinbaderin: I feel you. My best friend is not local and she's a SAHM with a daughter the same age as mine. She's succeeding in making mom friends and talks about playdates and birthday parties and I'm over here like yea I have made no friends who I see outside of work since college and no local friends from college or high school. It is depressing at times...
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@mrskansas: I am going through this right now, and what I've found that is making a difference is being outside. So, after work, I am spending time with my son, playing in our back yard or going for a walk down the street. My husband has been really good about having what we call "cold dinners" where we just do cold cuts and bread, or maybe a PF Changs stir fry dinner.
Additionally, I have started being more intentional about what I am doing in the time between my son's bedtime and when I go to sleep. I've started a great non fiction book (my mind doesn't wander as much as when I read fiction) and I have begun watching a Spanish language show on Netflix (rather dark subject matter, but the fact that I have to pay attention to the dialogue focuses me).
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Count me in the group that finds it hard to make friends outside of work... I used to have a ton of friends and now nearly all of them live far away.
Some of these have already been mentioned:
- exercise
- deep breathing, meditation, self massage, etc - basically whatever works for relieving physical tension
- getting outside. I have a sunlight lamp I use sometimes in the evening in winter and that really helps when there is no sunshine for days on end
- if schedules permit, taking a little day trip on the weekend to somewhere new (i.e. hiking trail, etc)
- non-TTC/non-work goals where you can make noticeable progress quickly. I even find little things like deep cleaning or de-cluttering the house satisfying, because I set out to do it and it gets done within a reasonable time frame, and I feel like I've accomplished something afterwards. Other projects - i.e. training for some fitness thing, home improvement, etc are also great distractions.Not feeling like I really have any great suggestions, I am struggling with this as well. The next six weeks or so are crazy for me at work and that is definitely not helping my funk, but then it's summer, which I'm hoping will really help because I *love* being outside.
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@looch: I need to do this too - find a good book to read after the kids are in bed. We started watching the America Divided Series last week on Amazon Prime and I enjoyed that. Just looking at things online after the kids are in bed is not healthy for me.
I agree with PP ideas of a new activity, exercise, outside time. Other things that have helped me get out of a rut are focusing on what I have (gratitude), going to church, finding something that makes me laugh - like yesterday it was a rainy day and my son has been sick all week and we found My Big Fat Greek Wedding was available to watch and DH watched it with me for the first time - I love that movie and love that he watched it with me.
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Thank you all for the suggestions and while it sucks to feel this way, I'm glad I'm not alone.
I think some of this stems from loneliness since I only see my husband on the weekends so I'm basically at work alone all day (big company but very independent job) and then alone with my 2 year old in the evenings. We do get outside as much as possible and it helps but like quite a few of you said, I need to do something more meaningful with my time after she goes to bed. I have an exercise bike that I never use since I'm not fond of bicycling but I am going to start using it at least 30 minutes a day after I put my daughter in bed.
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I find getting outside really helps me and it's even easier now that it's spring! Daily walks (even in the winter), hanging laundry instead of using the dryer, gardening, reading outside with DS, trying a new recipe, opening the windows or changing the sheets on the bed, painting my nails, scheduling small things to look forward to (like a favourite show, having lunch with my mom, visiting our local aquarium, etc). I find that being grateful and thankful really helps too. I take a minute to really focus on appreciating stuff like our house, nature, life, our son, marriage, family, pets, friends, health... I find that when I'm grateful I don't have anymore room in my mind for negative or blah thoughts! It's a trick that a therapist friend suggested.
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I think my suggestions have already been mentioned. Reading a good book is great for me - it keeps me busy, makes me more relaxed, and just puts me in a better mood. I also like going for walks with my dog or taking him to the park.
I'm trying to make myself stay off my phone after work and that makes a huge difference as well. Too much of being on the internet never leads to good things for me, just stress and anxiety.
I'm sorry that you're feeling lonely.
It must be tough to only see your husband on the weekends. It's also so hard to make new friends as an adult. I only have a few close friends and I've known them since elementary/middle school. I'm really close to my sister as well and talking to her helps me when I'm feeling down.
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This depends on what I need at the moment but I have a few ideas. I read a lot, a new book if I want to focus I am a big fan of non-fiction memoirs especially for this and an old book I have read many times if I need to escape into a familiar world.
I pick up crafty hobbies, it makes me feel accomplished when I master something new and allows me to channel my energy. I picked up crocheting watching youtube videos and reading blogs my first year living on my own. During TTC I picked up counted cross stitch. Both are pretty inexpensive to start (yes I can go real crazy with fancy yarn now, but when I started I bought the basic $3 yarn and a hook), and give me something to see progress on along with something nice to keep or give as a gift when I'm done -
I have a really awesome therapist- I've been seeing her for 3 years in July. Sometimes it's just once a month but having a trusted advisor in my life who I feel like really gets me is invaluable.
Could you do a weekday evening swim class or dance class with DD? Or look up community events? I'm one of those people who seems to pick up friends everywhere- I go the all the community events and chat with people. I know it's harder since you work outside the home but since your DH is away at nights get out there- even just go to the library or park. Getting outside is a must for me. I'm not sure how long you have between pick up and bedtime.
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@mrskansas: self care! Whatever that means for you. To me it is like a breadcrumb trail. I do one piece of self care and that inspires me to do more and take more risks.
And heck yeah to therapy!
It must be tough to only see your husband on the weekends. It's also so hard to make new friends as an adult. I only have a few close friends and I've known them since elementary/middle school. I'm really close to my sister as well and talking to her helps me when I'm feeling down.
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