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Hm. Hard questions! I think I have pretty good self esteem. Maybe not so much about my appearance, but otherwise. I don't really know where it comes from. I think I'm proud of getting through college and law school so young. I'm proud of making enough money that I could support myself comfortably before I got married. I'm proud of trying really hard to be a good friend and a good family member and a nice person.

I think I just do my best and that is enough for me.

@Cherrybee: Hm. The funny thing is I'm really not very ambitious at all! I actually don't like my job and I haven't pursued a traditional/long hours law career path. I don't think it's that I work hard that makes me feel good. I think I get a lot of my self esteem from the fact that I consider myself smart. I'm proud that I was just able to get through school and find a path that let's me live how I want to live and NOT work that terribly hard and still make decent money haha. I don't think I really need people to know but maybe that is because everyone does? No one has ever tried to make me feel NOT smart so I don't really feel the need to prove I am.

As for the friends/family thing-- I don't think I need people to see my effort so much as I gauge how I'm doing based on my relationships. I've had times of my life where I really had no close friends and I really had not valued/nurtured my friendships. Now I have a few close friends and I know that it is a reciprocal relationship that only works because I do make an effort.

I have basically no self esteem.... people always tell me that I am smart, pretty and good at a lot of things but I just don't see it. I can't seem to see past my flaws.

I think for me, I have never felt like I was pretty or anything like that. So I feel like my self esteem comes from trying my best to be a good person-- being kind to others, being empathetic, being a good listener. I feel that even when it's not recognized (and I am no saint-- I like some recognition as much as the next person!) I can feel good about who I am. Also, having my girls has made me feel much more at home in my own body. I've come to really feel that I am many good things. There's nothing quite like having the lens of someone who adores you in the way that your children do to make you see that you are wonderful. I think wanting to see the good things in yourself is a wonderful place to start from!

Sadly, these days it seems like my self esteem is directly related to C's sleeping habits. When she is, and therefore I am, sleeping well, I fell good, like a good mom, wife, etc. When she is really struggling, I feel like an absolute failure whose only job is to take care of this baby and I can't even do that and I doubt every single thing I do for her. So my whole self esteem is in the hands of a little tyrant.

I do like recognition, of course, but I don't think I am that reliant on others for my self esteem. It's more like, I always knew I was smart, so whether other people made a big deal about it or not didn't make a difference. But it's still nice to hear nice things!

As a person, I have pretty good self esteem.I do think it is attributed to my parents. When I was younger I was told to not care what anyone thinks and u never give someone that power over you. I was taught to set goals and when I achieve them celebrate it and make new ones. I enjoyed my family and friends and was extremely independent. I'm also pretty proud of myself for picking up and moving across the ocean knowing absolutely no one and setting up a pretty good life for myself. I feel truly blessed and have an amazing husband and now a baby. The one thing I do doubt which I'm sure every one does is just how good of a job I'm doing as a mother that is my constant worry. And of course the looks department. My one struggle that I have always had though with myself is my weight. Always a work in progress.

Good question! I have always had fairly high self esteem and a good outward image of myself. I am generally a confident person and don't self doubt too often. I've always been a kind of follow your dreams type, and feel like I have often succeeded in this. Where that comes from though, I have no idea. My parents were always very supportive and loving, but they also weren't my personal cheerleaders. I was a good student, have had reasonable jobs and have never had major issues with my appearance. I don't know if self esteem is more of a personality trait or something we learn.

I do very distinctly remember once about 5 years ago when when I was out with someone who I considered to be a friend and she spent the entire evening being very snarky, snide and downright b*tchy to me. It really shook my normal confidence and made me realize what a high level of self esteem I generally have. After a few other similar incidents, I cut her off completely.

I can attribute it to two things- my family and my work. My parents and grandparents were very good at putting value the big things- happiness, family, and education. I am hopelessly flawed in many things- appearance/style, organization, and being social. I'm still very happy with myself despite that, it's just me...hopelessly flawed in many things.

I am typically a very shy person unless it has to do with my work, in that case I am a major extrovert. It is the place I am most comfortable, and when everything else is crazy, I at least know the facts there and know it will lead me to the next step. In high school I started getting into my field, and just flourished and found my place. That has bled into my personal life, and given me my self confidence in everything else.

@sarac: this is great! I feel like I can relate, albeit on a different path.

I came into my own in college...I had been in a school system with the same kids, many since kindergarten and I kind of was who I was, with not a lot of opportunity to make new friends. Imagine my delight at being on a campus with 2000 people, all eager to make new friends!

I hit my first personal best around age 27 and then again at around 33. I am gearing up for another one really soon, I think my life is pretty damn fabulous (don't get me wrong, it has its low points, but more of then than not, I love living this life).

A great question...I think for me I do put too much emphasis on body size to determine how I feel about myself. This comes from having a father who put a lof of empahsis on how I looked and making sure I wasn't overwieght. I think I also get some of my self asteem now because of my field (Social Work) and I really enjoy being able to help people.