Both are bad, but which is worse?
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I voted that my Lo is being bullied because there's only so much that I can do to fix that. If LO is the bully, obviously I would feel terrible, but then I can put measures in place to correct it.
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I'd feel awful finding out my kid was a bully, but at least I can take action to correct the behavior. Being a bullying victim can do so much damage to a kid, it seems like it takes a lot more to fix that.
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When my son showed aggression towards other kids, I always felt terrible because I felt judged by the other family, especially the parents. As kids get older, it's no secret who the bullies are, even though the schools do their best to keep the parties anonymous.
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I would feel a lot worse if my LO was the bully. He's had some friends who have been aggressive. We've taught him how to manage them by talking to the teacher and not hitting or biting back. He's very aware of the difference between bad behavior and good behavior.
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I think having your kid be the bully would be worse because it would tell me I'm doing something really wrong in the way I'm parenting. I like to hope I have a relationship with my children where they can tell me anything and as long as I knew bullying was happening to them I'm fortunate enough that we have the resources that we could do something about it (change schools, etc).
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Man, I don't know. Both would be terrible, but I just actually read a story about a 9-year-old who committed suicide because of bullying. I can't imagine being either parent. I know that's an extreme example but watching your kid struggle with other children being mean to the point of not wanting live is just unfathomable; but then to be the parent of a kid who treated another kid so badly that it led to death? I don't think I could deal with that either. I don't even think I can vote!
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I can't vote because I honestly don't know which I'd feel worse about. My kid is a little young for actual bullying, but I felt sooo bad when my LO was the class biter. I didn't mind that much when she got bitten because I empathized with the other parents so much! I'm sure that feeling of distress when your kid is causing problems only grows as the issues become more "serious".
On the other hand, my LO is incredibly shy and has a tough time fitting in. She already is so anxious and upset in social situations, I feel like being bullied would just wreak total havoc on her life.
Tough question!
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Being bullied. My girl has some aggressive tendencies and I feel like we are equipped to deal with them. We talk a lot, role play, read, etc. But my hear will shatter in a million pieces for her if she's bullied. She's very confident and outgoing and I hope that serves her well into the future, but I don't look forward to the day I need to repair her self worth, self esteem and pride of self.
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It would be way harder if my child was the bully. Of course both situations would be awful but if my child was capable of inflicting pain (emotional or physical) on someone else that they perceive as weaker, it would say so much about my child's heart. And it would take some serious counseling to address that issue. If my child was being bullied, it would be awful, but that's not their fault and I would do everything in my power to address the situation
And when I'm talking about bullying I mean more than a pushing incident here and there..I mean targeting and consistently being cruel where kids know better
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Obviously both would be heartbreaking but I voted being the bully would be worse.
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Being bullied would be much worse. Kids don't always know it gets better and childhood can be long & cruel.
I think there is a lot more we can do to stop bullying, whereas repairing the emotional damage of the victim is harder.
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I voted "being bullied" as worse, but to clarify....I think I'd FEEL worse about my child being a bully, but that the I would find the SITUATION were worse if my child were being bullied by another. That's because I feel like my own child's behavior is somewhat in my control (we would work very hard on the bully-like behavior), whereas there's only so much I can do for my child if she is being bullied, outside of changing schools, and I am not sure I like the message that sends to her about dealing with problems in life.
But I can definitely see it both ways.
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12 comments