Just wondering what the consensus is.
While on a plane, your LO kicks the chair in front of them... do you apologize to that passenger?
Aug 24, 2016You might also enjoy...
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Of course!
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of course!
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I do not, but I ask my son to do so.
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Yes, or tell my child to if they can talk.
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@bluestriped bee: yes definitely
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Ok, so far everyone says either the parent or the child should apologize. Good.
Yeah, I was on a flight this past weekend. Kid behind me kicked my chair. Mom told him not to kick the chair, but I heard no apology to me.
I was curious if I was wrong in expecting an apology. I don't know how old the kid was but I would have been fine if it came from the kid or the mom. I know if it was one of my kids, I would either apologize or ask my kid to apologize if they were old enough.
It wasn't a big issue. It was just a thought that crossed my mind. There was no future seat kicks so I didn't think about it again for the remainder of the flight.
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@bluestriped bee: Xander's old enough that I'd have him apologize himself, but for Logan, I'd apologize for him. We, as parents, have to model the behavior we expect from our children, and that means apologizing to people when it's appropriate.
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Absolutely. I'd ask her to apologize, then apologize myself. I would also probably make a point of letting the passenger hear me telling her it's not ok, and make every effort to be sure it does not continue to happen. Planes are just such high-tension places already that I want my kids to learn they need to be on their very best behavior.
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Yes
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Rude! Parent or child should definitely apologize.
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If it was one kick, the mom corrected the child, and it didn't happen again, I wouldn't get myself riled up over not receiving an apology. Planes are hard for kids and parents, the kids are bored and cooped up and the parents are stressed about trying to keep the kids happy and well behaved and they're usually doing the best they can. As the other passenger, as long as the kicking stopped, I'd be happy.
If my daughter was being sassy and kicked the seat hard on purpose, then I would absolutely have her apologize. But if she was just antsy and happen to kick the seat because she was struggling to sit still, I would just remind her that someone else is sitting there and to please be careful not to disturb them. I assume the other passenger can hear me correcting them, and that's all that's necessary. If she's not doing it on purpose, I don't think it's worth forcing an apology. Just like I don't apologize to other passengers if one of my kids cries on a plane.
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DD just turned 2 but has flown quite a bit buggy as a lap child and in her car seat. We have stopped her from kicking the few times she's tried but her legs aren't long/strong enough for the brief "kick" to feel like anything more than my knees pressing against the seat when I lean forward to grab something. Once she's bigger I will definitely make her apologize or apologize myself.
This summer on a long-haul, she was sitting on my lap when the person in front reclined. She was perplexed and actually pushed the seat back up! I definitely apologized for that one but I don't think the person understood English, unfortunately.
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@Truth Bombs: agree.
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I'm with @truth bombs: on this one. We've flown a lot with our kids, and I definitely watch closely, and if they do anything like kick/push on the seat, push down on the tray, etc, I am very mindful to get them to stop immediately and talk to them about how it bothers the person in front. But if it's a once-ish sort of thing, I don't go out of my way to apologize. I liken it to the adult behind me who knees my seat, or grabs my headrest to pull themselves out of their row, etc. Annoying, but shit happens.
If either kid kicked the seat really hard on purpose and/or was doing it repeatedly as part of a tantrum or something (never happened, knock on wood), one of us would definitely apologize in that case.
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@Truth Bombs: Agree. I wouldn't expect an apology for one (presumably accidental) kick.
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Nope. Here's why. I expect eye contact from my kids when they speak. That's virtually impossible I the situation. I also expect timeliness so apologizing at the end of the flight is also problematic for me. I correct the behavior. I would hope that the correction is sufficient to the other passenger.
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@Truth Bombs: that's exactly how I see it too and how I've handled it in the past.
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@Truth Bombs: Agreed. My 10 month old had his leg pushed on the back of a seat at the very beginning of a flight and I didn't realize. A women whipped around and told me he was kicking her seat and for us to apologize. The flight attendant was standing right there and told her to please turn around and that she was acting crazy. I then spent the entire flight freaking out about him even touching her seat. Flying with kids is hard - if my child is actively trying to make you miserable I will apologize or he will apologize - but we could all afford to give each other a little grace.
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@LBee: High Five to that Flight Attendant!
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I'd apologize, if I'm on a plane with a toddler it was my idea and not the kid's, and he has trouble apologizing anyway
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I agree with @Truth Bombs: plus, I think it could actually be more of a disturbance to the person in front to apologize, like if you're seated and can't get up, how do you get their attention? Especially on a long flight where the person might be sleeping or watching a movie or something. If it was on purpose and the child were older, I'd make them apologize for sure. But like, we recently flew on a transatlantic flight and lo (2) was mostly as well behaved as can be expected (mostly slept and watched movies or drew) but at the end of the 6 hr long flight got antsy and was swingning her legs. I corrected her and explained that we don't do that, someone is sitting there, etc, but a) I doubt the woman in front barely felt anything since lo just grazed the seat b) she might have been sleeping and it seemed way ruder to try to tap her on the shoulder to get her attention to apologize. My thinking is that on a plane, esp when lo is so young, it's my job to keep lo from being as much of a disturbance as possible to the other passengers, even if it's a "nice" interaction like an apology
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@nana87: I turned around when her kid was kicking my chair. Just to show that it was bothering me. I didn't say anything to her. That's when the mom told her child to stop kicking the seat. Since the mom was the one that saw I was annoyed, that would have been an excellent opportunity to say 'Sorry about that.' That's it. She doesn't have to kiss my feet or try to make up for it for the rest of the flight. Just a simple apology isn't that too much to ask.
Also, it wasn't one kick. I was on the plane before she and her kids. I guess while they were sitting down getting comfortable, her kid kicked me about 5 times in about 10 seconds. One kick... (maybe two)... I wouldn't have done anything as long as it stopped. It was the repeated kicks that made me turn around to show my annoyance and to show that something needs to be done. I understand that you don't watch your kids all the time so was prepared that maybe she didn't see it. But then she got her kid to stop kicking my chair and told him/her to stop. She was aware of the problem.
I do understand that I'm a people please and I apologize a lot. Yeah, for things I shouldn't apologize for. So I understand my skewed perception could be off.
But if my child was kicking and annoying the person in front, yes, I would apologize to that passenger. Sounds like a common courtesy. To be nice, at least.
I'm pretty tolerating. I'm pretty sure, if it was one single kick every hour, I wouldn't have been bothered to say or do anything.
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@bluestriped bee: oh if the person turned around and made eye contact I'd def apologize and make lo apologize!
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Like others, I think it's an awkward forum for apology. It sounds like she corrected the behavior, which would be my priority as the parent in that moment. It might have been nice, but the lack of one wouldn't be reason to get worked up, imo.
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In the situation you describe, where you made eye contact with the mom, yes I would absolutely apologize (and ask LO to do so). Otherwise, I would correct it asap and only apologize if I could find a good time to do so. I wouldn't want to be tapping on the shoulder of the person in front of us and disrupting them further just so I could issue an apology.
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She was probably embarrassed!
I've had kids kick me for long periods of time and the parents do (and say) nothing. So I wouldn't be too upset if there was no apology after a series of kicks, as long as the behavior stopped!
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@bluestriped bee: Yeah, I really don't think it's that intrusive to throw a quick "oops, sorry about that--I'll try to make sure it won't happen again" over the seat. No need for tapping or a formal apology, but it is just a nice acknowledgement. If the person is sleeping, they won't even hear it and it won't disturb them.
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@babypugs: yeah I agree 100% i dont think its every ok to not say sorry because you think you might disturb them. Maybe your childs kick already disturbed them and quick sorry is nice and acknowledges it.
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I certainly would apologize for blatant kicking & correct the behavior, but it drives me nuts when my DH freaks if LO starts to get antsy or whimper or cry on the plane. She's a baby (now toddler)--they cry. We aren't the 1st to fly with a baby or kid. People should expect a little bit of this from kids. I have been around plenty more obnoxious adults on flights than kids!
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It would be nice, but I find that people are generally pretty rude. I was in the city today and I swear a car tried to run me down in the crosswalk
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@GoGoSnoGirl: I think crying/whining and deliberate/sassy kicking are very, very different things....but I totally understand why your DH feels bad/stressed about the former (even though he shouldn't have to).
To clarify my earlier answer...I was assuming this was a more than once, I'm-bored-so-I'm-being-sassy sort of kick, not a one jab, accidental as everyone is getting settled sort of kick. Although I still think a quick "I'm sorry" or "excuse me" thrown over the seat is always polite, whether it's a child or an adult, even if it were accidental, just to acknowledge that it happened and you're aware of it.
@bluestriped bee: I find I'm kind of sensitive about these things as well. DH and I actually have disagreements on variations of this topic regularly. I feel like "I'm sorry" doesn't have to be a deep, sorrowful, heartfelt apology, but that it's something polite that people sometimes say (and should say!) in place of "excuse me". Like when he kind of shoves by me in a tight kitchen space, or steps on my foot, or spills his water on me as he gets settled on the sofa....very minor things, but I think it's a little unkind not to acknowledge that it happened, even to someone you love very much/are close to, by saying SOMETHING. But I've noticed his family isn't big on that either; it's not that they are rude, just different perspectives. Clearly this is how road/air rage happen, haha
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