If you have three (or more) kids and both you and your SO work full time - what's your childcare situation?
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The only way 3 can work for us is when one is in kindergarten.
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A family in our daycare left and got a nanny when #3 arrived. The kids were 4, 1.5, and NB.
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I was a nanny to a family of three...
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@regberadaisy: yea that is what we're thinking too! just wondering if there's something I haven't thought of yet.
@MrsSRS: @mamabolt: That makes sense. @MrsSRS: Did you bring the oldest to preschool at all?
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@HappyBaker: Yes. Let's see. When I started there was a baby and a toddler, and by the time I had to resign (we were pregnant and moving away) the kids were in kindergarten, preschool, and there was a toddler. They were 2.5 years apart each. So either the parents or I did K drop off. Then mid morning a few days a week I dropped off at preschool and mid afternoon picked up. I did school pick up and evening extracurricular and dinner too. And of course I had the baby all the time. The mom and I were close. We talked about the work/life/childcare balance a lot. Anything else you want to know?
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When I go back to work (taking a year mat leave with #3) we'll have a nanny full time and my oldest will be in preschool part time and then full day JK in the fall.
Having a nanny is just a bit more expensive than having one child in full-time daycare. Daycare for three would be just under $6k per month.
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I will have 3 kids this coming spring. I am a part time WAHM. I send DS to full time preschool everyday. DD will go either 3 or 5 days to daycare and youngest will stay with me. DH is anti-nanny.
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I think a nanny would likely be most economical! I was a nanny for a family of four kids under four. They decided to switch to a nanny when the fourth came.
@HappyBaker: To answer your question, as a former nanny, yes. I did bring the kids to activities of all kinds. When I started with the four kids, the 3 and 4 year old both went to preschool, so I did those drop-offs. Then I cared for the younger two at home, before going to pick up the preschoolers. What's nice about a nanny, is they can typically be really flexible and willing to do "extra" stuff - like picking up around the house, meals, errands, etc. I did extra stuff all the time and didn't really mind!
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I'm a PT WAH (25 hours a week) so this doesn't fully apply for me, but aside from my oldest going to preschool 7.5 hours a week (3 days a week, 2.5 hours each time), the kids are with me or DH full time. We have worked our work schedules so that I fit in all my hours before he goes to work and on his days off. We get less family time together, but it's worth it since we aren't paying for childcare other than preschool.
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My toddlers will go to preschool 3x a week and we haven't made a decision about the baby yet...gotta decide before January! LO 3 might go to daycare 3x a week or go to Grandma's house or a combo? My husband usually works on the weekends so the kids will be with him on Monday and Tues.
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We'll have 3 in daycare for at least a year (there's no preK here; they start K at five).
It still only will cost us around 394$ per month for all three kids.
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@HappyBaker: yea, neither of us are comfortable with nannies. The only way I can see it working is if it was a daycare teacher we already knew. But then my oldest has been in daycare all her life. It's what she knows and is used to. Being in that kind of setting. It seems unfair to pull her out of that into a scenario where she is cared for at home. I
Obviously, if I got pregnant before she started K m, we would figure something out!
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@regberadaisy: Even with 2 in daycare we probably could have found a nanny for just a little bit more money. But it wasn't worth it to pull LO1 out when she was 3 years old and was used to that environment.
If we were to have a third at this point LO1 would be in K. Lo1 and Lo2 are overlapping daycare for 10 months at a full rate (infant care plus toddler care) and now they have a year of toddler care and preschool care (state pays for the 3 preschool hours of the day). Ideally if we had a third, it would be nice for Lo2 to be close to the preschool rate at least.
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I'll have 3 come May. Our set up will be DS1 (will be almost 4) in Pre-K, either in his current daycare/preschool or at the local catholic elementary school. DS2 will be 2 and start preschool/daycare. My mom will watch baby 3. My mom watches my babies (I've paid her) until they are 2 and then they go to daycare/preschool. My kids will go to catholic school so I'll be paying tuition anyway until they go to college!
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@Mamasig: same for us if we decide to have a third!
My mom watched ds1 full time, now he's in part time preschool. I start work next week and I'll be remote most days so I handle drop off and pickup mostly. My mom will watch ds2 in my house since I'm still nursing. Then if we decide to have a third, ds1 will be in full day kindergarten, ds2 preschool, and my mom will watch baby 3 while I wah.
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@MrsSRS: Thanks that is super helpful!
@sera_87: Wow that is so affordable!
@regberadaisy: That's how I feel too, I love daycare and our kids experiences with it, so I would feel bad pulling either of them out to stay home with a nanny.
@Mamasig: That's so awesome your mom watches them until they are 2!
Thanks so much for your responses, giving me lots of ideas
I was very steadfastly in the we are DONE after 2 kids boat, so much so that I have sold / given away anything baby related as my 9 month old has grown (DD is 3). My reasoning was that we could not afford 3 in daycare (we live in one of the most expensive daycare states in the US and pay $700 a week for two), and also that I don't love the baby stage and feel like it's totally survival the first year. But we went to a wedding this weekend with a lot of families that have adult children, and it made me realize when I think about my family at a wedding in 20 years or so, I cannot imagine it just being the 4 of us. I think there are people missing!
I feel like we could make it work if we really wanted to and were more creative with our care plan!
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To have all 3 kids in FT daycare would be almost $5k, which most of it relates to infant care. The price drops pretty radically when they are 16 months old, so I hold off until 16 months old.
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@HappyBaker: there are definitely options. Is it possible to Work from home? I'm a contractor and I love it! I only work the hours I want to work.
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@HappyBaker: Yes, I'm very fortunate. I kind of think the same way. Part of me is petrified having a 3rd, but I remind myself the baby stage really is a short period in time. I just picture 3 kids in the future.
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@HappyBaker: I can speak for my parents who had 3 of us with no family around. My brother and sister went to an in home daycare that my mom dropped them off at while I went to K. They either set up carpools or had the in home pick me up after K was done. Then as I went to school longer, they found an after school program that picked us up in a van and took us there. Kept doing that all through HS, and my siblings joined me as they went to school, until I could drive. We also went to that same program for summer camp. We all loved it!
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@HappyBaker: @Mamasig: This is kinda where I am at. I dont really want the cost and baby stage again, but I can't imagine my family of just 4 in the future.
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We aren't there yet....we are planning #3 for about 5 years from now. And now I think I want a 4th after that! Oye vez. Honestly, 3 under 5 is just too many toddlers for me! I was thinking I would take all the kids to the day care, and the older ones will get bussed to school from there. They have a before/after school program AND take infants 6 weeks and up
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@blackbird: Yea I think waiting is definitely the more practical option. I'm only 30 now so I definitely have some time, but women in my family go through menopause by 40 at the latest so there is A clock ticking, just not very quickly!
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@HappyBaker: I just think it sounds so stressful to have so many toddlers around!
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I have 3, but work just part time (3-4 days a week). We have done a variety of childcare situations, but currently our older 2 are in preschool 1/2 days and we have a nanny for for the days I work. 2-3 was a really tough transition (still is, honestly), but it all depends on the kids as my challenges are different than my friends. My husband and I have a very strong relationship, really are a team in caring for our kids and home and are very fortunate to have enough money to outsource things when we feel overwhelmed (and to allow me to switch to parttime). That said, the lack of sleep, amount of sibling fighting and just juggling so much is definitely tough on our relationship at times. We do our best to treat each other with respect and acknowledge that this season of parenting is brief in the grand scheme of things, but sometimes our life just feels like pure chaos (and this is without the outside stress of jobs and extended family stress that often creeps in too). All that said, we obviously wouldn't change things for the world (as I am sure all parents would say!).
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@Sparkler: I really appreciate your honesty! The chaos of just our current 2 is a big part of why I thought 3 was totally off the table, but now am thinking differently. How old are your LOs?
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I think if you can just accept the chaos you will be fine! I am just one of those people who like to have a perfectly clean house, a balanced dinner on the table at 6 and laundry always folded and put away to feel calm and obviously that is unrealistic! My husband gets this though so he helps out a ton with keeping things tidy. I got rid of a ton of stuff after #3 was borh (toys, clothes the kids couldn't dress themselves in (except a few special occasion items), pared down the grown up clothes and shoes and I feel like that gave me an extra hour of time every night too! My kids are 4, 2.5 and 10 months...super close in age! It's tough, but already so joyful now...my heart bursts thinking about when we are actually well rested!
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@Mrs. Pen: @HappyBaker: Yes. As a nanny we did daytime classes and lots of playdates so the kids had plenty of socialization. We did lots of arts and crafts and reading and the kids helped me with errands and chores like groceries and laundry. I loved that job. Ah. Now I'm nostalgic.
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@MrsSRS: That sounds like a great setup! I don't know anyone who has a nanny so that helps a lot! Want to move to MA and bring your kids and be our nanny too? Haha
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@HappyBaker: Ha! I'd like to move back to DC to my last family
but I'd have to leave too much family here. Plus, I had more energy in my early twenties than I do now in my late twenties with two kids. I feel like either a nanny is a great match and it can be a really idyllic situation, or communication is a challenge and it just doesn't work.
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Mine are spaced far apart. Two are in school and one is in daycare 3 days a week and with my inlaws the other two days.
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We'll have three in daycare if we have #3
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