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I deal with this all the time because my parents do the same thing for DH and I. It's a slippery slope because we don't ever want to be dependant on the money they give us to fund our lifestyle, but at the same time I mean, they're extremely well off and really happy to help us out.

What we've worked out with them for the most part is we will accept a one-time gift, like a down payment on a home (that we can easily afford the payments on), or gifting us one of their cars, etc. But if it's a recurring monetary gift like paying our insurance or providing child care then we don't go spending on other things factoring that into our budget. Because we don't really consider it part of our spending ability, it could stop at anytime. And we will actually be in the market for a new car soon and could easily afford a luxury SUV based on the gifts we have received from them, but we'd never buy one because 1) we couldn't really afford it without all of their generosity and 2) they don't buy flashy things themselves, so it would just feel wrong.

I understand your situation OP because my ILs also are always wanting to help us financially, and I wasn't really comfortable with it because I felt like the money had strings - I didn't want to accept their money if it meant having to run my decisions and purchases by them, or hearing snarky remarks about it. My situation is a bit different because my DH works full-time for his family business, and honestly he's not super well paid, so we have accepted certain things from them - like a company car that they let him use for personal use as well. But when it comes to other big things (my car, help with house payments, child care, etc.) I have said no and that we would prefer to take care of it on our own. This is a bad dynamic you have with them - getting help when you really need it, like DH's car when his was on it's last leg, is one thing - but letting them buy you a new dryer because yours wasn't energy efficient? A dishwasher? I'd rather hand wash the dishes than let my ILs pay for that.

Sorry, I'm kind of getting off track here...but basically I don't think that the fancy new car is a good idea. You are a married couple with kids, and it seems to me that you should WANT to be able to be financially independent, build up your savings, etc. Buying a fancier car than you need is not going to help you attain those goals. I know it's temping - I absolutely LOATHE my car and how much I spend on repairs for that piece of crap. But the fact that you couldn't afford ANY car if it weren't for the childcare and financial assistance your ILs give you tells me that yes, there is likely to be some judging and resentment if you splurge on something more extravagant. I would get the smaller more basic car if I were in your shoes. Live within your means.

@Cherrybee: that makes more sense!!!! So if you had to it would work, but it would just be tighter than you'd like. That's great!

If you are uncomfortable with the "extravagence" compared to what your in laws are comfortable with, maybe you or DH can mention to them that you were looking at cars and found a phenomenal deal on XYZ car. Maybe fib a little and talk up the deal and how it was almost the same as ABC (practical) car, but XYZ car has these features (mention anything safety related maybe that is a "pro" or practical thigns, like seat warmers). If you mention that you can feel them out. Maybe they'll say "I can't imagine you getting a car like that, what a waste of money, blah blah blah" and you might just not feel right getting it after them putting it down. OR maybe they say "oh that sounds like a great deal!" or even just not seem to care at all. That way you can feel them out to see if it bothers them before you pull the trigger. I completely understand taht when you rely on people for something, you feel almost a sense of obligation. Sounds like they'll probably be fine with it (and that you should be fine either way) but perhaps their "approval" might help make pulling the trigger easier

What's the difference in gas costs between the two cars?

I haven't read all of the responses, but I just wanted to say that some people like to show their love with money. My mom is like that -- she's always buying me random things, she loves giving gifts, and whenever we're home, she insists on paying for all meals out, etc. My H has actually intercepted the waiter before to pay for dinner because he knew she would try to do it herself, haha. That's just how she is -- generous almost to a fault. It sounds like your ILs are lovely people and very generous like my mom. It doesn't sound like they give gifts with strings attached, but because they enjoy it. And from your update it sounds like they don't mind the car at all. So I would just do what you think is the best fit your family I get where you're coming from, though, it took awhile for my H to not feel awkward about my mom spending money on us.