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Wow! She cut her hair!! That is not something you can take back or re-do!!

Maybe I'm petty but I'd be pissed. It's not the grandparents job to decide when/where/how to cut the lo's hair at any age, especially the first time! I agree that if they asked its one thing but otherwise I think it's overstepping the grandparent/parent boundary, personally!

Eta and I KNOW logically this is bad but I get p'd off much more easily at mil than my mom. I try not to show it outwardly though.

@Cherrybee: true. I don't think of things like first trip to the zoo etc as milestones at all.

my aunt cut my brother's hair when he was little, my mom hadn't cut it & didn't want it cut. 30 years later, i don't think she's over it yet, lol.

that's not cool, i can't believe that your MIL would think that was okay! i'd be pissed.

Honestly, when we are finally blessed with a child, I don't even think id want to know when s/he did his/her firsts: crawling, walking, etc. I'd rather see them for myself than hear it happened at daycare.

For other firsts (zoo, etc.) I think it depends on the activity. However, I deserved to be asked and grant the ok.

Honestly, this seems more about boundaries and respect than anything else.

I would be really upset! My MIL likes to overstep boundaries like this. I have told my hubs specifically that LO's hair is not to be cut until I give the go ahead!

Well in this case I don't think it is as much about the milestone as ...that was pretty rude! Hair choices are very personal and I can't believe she did that without asking. What the heck? I would talk to her and feel resolved that she understood that was/ is not okay and if I felt she was sorry and understood I would let itigo and move on if it were my lo. It isn't permanent at least. Just odd behavior so I would be concerned she thought that was okay. Pretty ballsy and I don't like that.
Anyway... in general I wouldn't mind about milestones but changing someone's appearance is a bit much.

I would be upset about the person not asking permission, not about missing the milestone. A first haircut isn't huge on my list of things to care about.

I would be pissed! Altering my LO's appearance (even if its just a few weeks/months) without permission is not cool at all.

I don't mind first experiences, but I would definitely be upset if someone cut my kids' hair without asking first.

@Bao: eek was your BIL/SIL ticked??

There are a few first experiences I'd like to be present for. For example, I'd be bummed if my parents took DD to get her first picture taken with Santa. But I'd actually like for some of her "firsts" to be with other members of her family - they make for some great memories.

In this case, I think I'd be irritated about the quality of the haircut, more than anything else. DD wouldn't look too good with a bowl on her head.

@Bao: my husband took L to see Santa for the first time without me. I reacted calmly and asked him to please ask me/call if he's going to do something like that; then last week he took L to see the holiday lights at the local theme park without me! I. WAS. LIVID.

I don't mind about experiencing firsts but if my MIL didn't ask me first, I would be really upset.

Yeah, I'd be pissed if my MIL cut my daughters hair. I don't mind the 'first' part of it, but that would be way over the line in terms of boundaries. Other firsts I'm not so concerned with.

Oh I'd be ROYALLY pissed over a first haircut! I could get mad at my mom, but it'd be more problematic to say anything to my MIL. I'm going to stress this a ton though to my MIL and my dad, both of whom have repeatedly mentioned I should "trim" DD's hair.