My son has had a stomach bug since Sunday, but he's feeling better today and is almost back to normal again. My husband and I made sure to constantly wash our hands and disinfect anything he touched, so we didn't get sick from him. Last week, I scheduled a brunch with a friend I haven't seen in a long time for this morning. She said she was still able to go when I talked to her yesterday, but then this morning she said she didn't feel comfortable going, because of my son being sick this week. She was afraid maybe I would pass on his virus to her during our breakfast. I'm not sick, and we probably wouldn't make physical contact with each other, but she still canceled. I've been looking forward to this brunch, and I'm disappointed that she canceled on me. Would you cancel in this situation?
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Does she have a reason to be extra cautious? Personally, I wouldn't have cancelled, but for example my MIL had a medical procedure scheduled (yesterday) and so wouldn't be around our kids for 2 weeks prior because she didn't want to get sick and have to cancel for a 2nd time.
If I were you, I'd be bummed too. Did you reschedule at least?
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I wouldn't have cancelled. That really sucks that she did. Did you ladies reschedule?
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@josina: I think she's worried, because she has a 3 month old baby at home, but she wasn't bringing the baby to brunch. She has an older son who goes to preschool every day, and I think he has a higher chance of getting her sick than I do. We haven't rescheduled yet.
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I wouldn't have cancelled, no. I wonder if she just didn't feel like going (bad night with the baby or something) and was looking for a "legitimate" excuse?
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@aprild: I feel like she's probably being overly cautious. I'd be bummed too, BUT I guess the flu has been so crazy that even our school stepped up precautions. Hopefully you can reschedule it to happen soon-ish!
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Yes, I would have canceled. I am actually in the same situation as her (young baby with older child in preschool) and this would be a hard pass for me. Stomach viruses hit suddenly and are incredibly contagious - you said yourself your son isn't 100% healthy and thus you still could still catch it. You also can be a carrier. Having brunch with someone who has a child who has been actively vomiting just isn't something I'm interested in doing right now at this point in my life. If I didn't have a young baby I would 100% feel differently.
Also, due to some circumstances I have sickness anxiety. I could totally see myself thinking I was fine with going the day before but then when push came to shove backing out. Her being anxious about potentially getting sick, in my opinion, is understandable. She is trying to keep her kid healthy during one of the hardest illness seasons ever - saying that she's exposed daily through her kid doesn't mean that she should actively pursue additional germs.
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I would have cancelled too. We have a small baby and a preschooler. Yes they both go to daycare. We still do not actively choose to be around those that have had virus’s in the last week/two. We also have my father in law who is immune compromised so we are more careful and cautious than your average people. Does it suck to have to be the one to cancel or not attend things, yes. But if it means we can try to stay a bit healthy and not cause a major illness to FIL that we are ok with that.
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I would have canceled. DS got a stomach bug (in the summer, no less!) when DD was a week old and it was super, super stressful. We were really annoyed with the friends who put us in that situation without telling us. I've also gotten a norovirus when each of my kids were about 4 months old and nursing/pumping when you are that sick is the absolute worst, not to mention the anxiety about getting them sick. Supposedly stomach bugs shed for 3-14 days after symptoms are gone so I wouldn't mess around with that, personally! I'm obligated to be around my own germy preschooler but I try not to press my luck with getting sick more than necessary.
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I would have canceled if I was pregnant or had a newborn. Having a 3-month-old is a gray area, BUT, when DH & I got norovirus we both ended up hospitalized due to dehydration, so...... stomach bugs are a pretty big "no no" in my head (vs. just a cold / cough etc.)
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Yes, I would reluctantly cancel.
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I would have rescheduled, particularly with an infant at home. The stomach bug is so so awful (we just got over it ourselves) that I am much more cautious about that than any other illness.
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No, definitely wouldn't have canceled b/c of you in particular. I think it would be much more likely to get something passed on to you from the others in the restaurant. So in that case, you shouldn't leave your house at all in the winter.
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I would have cancelled. We have been hit with so many stomach bugs this season that I am trying to stay away from everyone! I would want others to do the same for me too.
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I don't know, I probably wouldn't have canceled if the brunch was at a restaurant.
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Yep, I would've canceled (or rescheduled more likely). We've had noro a few times and stomach bugs are the WORST. There's no way I'd want to risk being exposed to a stomach bug and/or potentially passing it on to my family.
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Not sure. Maybe not at a restaurant but definitely if it was at your house. I am super cautious about stomach viruses because I personally react strongly to them (have had to go to the hospital twice for stomach viruses). Last one I had in December I didn't go to urgent care but my DH wanted me to. I was throwing up and diarrhea for 12 hours straight and super dehydrated. It was horrible. So... Yeah, I am really worried about getting them.
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I absolutely would have cancelled. But a really bad stomach flu permanently altered my husband’s digestion so maybe I’m extra paranoid?
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@looch: @travellingbee: We were meeting at a restaurant. I definitely wouldn't have expected her to come to my house.
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@jape14: @babybunnylove: I understand your point of view, but we were meeting at a restaurant and not at my house, and my son was not coming. It was just going to be her and I. So you think I should avoid being around people just because my son was sick?
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@aprild: I'm not saying what you should/shouldn't do, I'm just saying that personally I'd cancel/reschedule given how soon after your son's illness the brunch was. I get exposed to enough germs from preschool/the grocery store/general life so with an infant in the house, I try to avoid other known potentials for major illnesses like a norovirus or the flu -- like people who are just getting over/have taken care of someone with one of those, indoor kids' playplaces, etc. I've also been the one to cancel when my kid has been the one sick (like a girls' night out last winter when my 2yo had a stomach bug), so that's just my personal preference.
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Since you wouldn't even be in your house, I wouldn't cancel. But I wouldn't think much if a new mom is being over-cautious. Especially as she might be less than rational at the moment due to lack of sleep, nursing issues, upcoming return to work, or any number of things I've no idea about
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I’m not surprised she cancelled. I think a lot of people are on guard because of this particularly nasty cold and flu season. People are dying (not of a stomach bug but you know what I mean). Things one might have said yes to last year they say no to this year.
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I would have cancelled because you could be carrying it and not know it yet. However, I would have tried to reschedule if it were me.
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No, I wouldn't have cancelled. I mean, is she going to avoid going to Target or the grocery store too? Anywhere she goes in public is probably going to have someone that is/has been sick and might be contagious. I think it was overly cautious.
BUT maybe she just didn't feel like going and used that as an excuse? I know that I have done the same. Especially with having young children sometimes I'm just burned out or am not up for socializing. It happens. I'm sorry you're bummed though, I definitely have been there. It sucks when you were looking forward to something and it's cancelled
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I would not, because I would presume that I'm more likely to catch a bug pushing a shopping cart than I would be across the table from a cautious friend. But I would also understand--sicknesses suck, particularly with little babies. Everyone has a different comfort level (reasonable or not).
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It totally sucks that your friend canceled on you, and I hope you can reschedule. But based on your responses, I think you're being a little too hard on her.
As others have said, this is an intense flu season; I likely would have canceled as well in this situation. Not because of YOU, per-say, but because *I* wouldn't want to take the risk of getting sick/getting my kid sick.
Does this friend do this kind of thing all the time? If so, that's a horse of a different color. Chronic cancellations of plans is something that can be SUPER annoying (DH has friends that will only follow through with plans about 40-50% of the time once their made, it drives me insane).
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I wouldn't have cancelled but I can understand being more cautious with the flu and all the illness going around. I am someone that sticks to plans and am always disappointed when others have to cancel so I know the feeling.
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@LBee: @babybunnylove: yes this is my thought too. I would be bummed too because it sounds like you were looking forward to this. I work in a hospital and have 3 kids in daycare and am in public regularly so yes i’m exposed to germs everywhere but if I can avoid people that I know are sick than I do. We had a very bad case of the stomach bug go through our house last year and honestly i’m still scarred by it. I know dramatic but it was just bad for my family. I agree with others I am on very high alert with this bad flu and other virus season.
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Thanks for the responses. I think it's hard for me to see her point of view, because we were meeting in a public restaurant just her and I. I'm not sick, and I don't have any symptoms of being sick. My son is better now and is running around the house singing, so I think if I were going to get sick, I would have showed a symptom by now. Also, even if I somehow could pass the virus through me, I don't know how that would happen with us sitting at opposite ends of a table not touching each other. Anyway, I get it that moms of babies have to be extra cautious, but I can't help feeling bummed about the situation. It's hard to reschedule, because we both have limited free time.
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If I had a tiny baby at home (or even still, with my 17 month old), I may cancel. The flu that is going around is scary and I really don't want to be around anyone who could possibly be sick. Even though you aren't sick today, you would be contagious right now (I think) if you do have the virus and it shows up in you tomorrow. Anyhow.. bummer about your cancelled plans. But I wouldn't be upset, though. Hope you can reschedule!
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Not exactly the same situation, but this past Christmas, I cancelled on having a friend and her family over to our home who I hadn't seen in over a year because her daughter had been puking earlier in the week. We were traveling to see family two days later, and the last two major holidays we've spent with my extended family (over two years) have been ruined by a stomach virus, and I just couldn't risk doing that a third time. I felt really badly about it, but stomach viruses are SO much worse than colds. Could we have picked up the same thing on the plane? Yup. But it's also a known v. a maybe with a nice to have v. non negotiable. I'm not sure I would have cancelled in this particular situation (no kids, in a public place, we could just agree not to touch, I can be vigilant about washing hands), but I also don't currently have a newborn or infant at home. Besides feeling disappointed, are you feeling annoyed and trying to figure out whether that feeling is justified? In the end, I get it- it's hard to be in this season where the best laid plans (which are SO hard to make sometimes) can be ruined through no one's fault, and when it can be so darn tough to reschedule. But I try to remember that it won't always be this way, and extending grace/benefit of the doubt to my friends (even when they make difference decisions than I would have/ want them to) will ensure that those relationships get to the other side of this season of life.
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I would have cancelled if I were her....and I would have cancelled if I were you, too (and one of my kids had been sick so recently). Sorry - I know that's probably not what you wanted to hear. But you did the right thing by telling her, and she made what I think is a very understandable choice to steer clear.
Just to illustrate how these things can go....over Christmas, my 15 month old showed a few signs of a stomach bug on a Tuesday night, but never REALLy got sick. On Wednesday afternoon, my three year old got it big time. We thought the rest of us were in the clear by Saturday night..but then the five year old started throwing up, followed shortly by me and my husband. Germs can definitely hang around longer than we think.
It's a bummer, but we've cancelled (or had others cancel) SO many playdates, dinner dates, parties, etc. this winter. Things will be better when it gets warmer.
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I probably wouldn't have cancelled - but joked to my friend not to touch me, haha.
A couple friends I know would have for sure cancelled. My one friend is a huge germaphobe and would be freaked out.
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While I understand where you're coming from, if she's a first time mom with a 3 month old at home, it's understandable that she would want to cancel.
The flu this year is spreading like wildfire. I've recently heard that it can be spread just by breathing the same air as someone who has it. My LO is home with me now with Flu A, and his whole class went down like flies.
After a stomach bug, you're contagious for 2 days after symptoms have subsided. You could also be in an incubation period (and hence, pass it to someone else) for up to a week prior to actually presenting symptoms. With all of that said, I think she was being overly cautious, but you certainly could be a carrier, who would then make her a carrier for her 3-month old to get the stomach bug. I know you wanted to see her, and it's hard to reschedule, but people going out before they're not contagious is exactly how bugs and the flu spreads so quickly and so rampantly.
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@aprild: I personally wouldn't cancel but I have a friend that would. It is disappointing but hopefully you guys can reschedule soon!
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I probably would have rescheduled in her shoes, but only because if it's norovirus it can stick around a really long time (and you can get it again). Plus I know despite all my best intentions, I do probably get ALL my kids germs whether I actually get sick or not (I rarely do).
That said, I definitely understand your frustration at the last minute flip-flop!
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@aprild: unfortunately yes. My father in law got deathly ill (for three months and daily iv treatments) because a friend came over to visit him and his friends wife was home sick with a stomach bug. It really can be that dangerous.
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I don’t know if I would have canceled or not but I defientely would not be upset if someone canceled in this situation. People have a right to do what’s best for their family.
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i wouldn't have canceled as either party since you were meeting without children and at a restaurant where neither or you were preparing food!
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