Just curious what other SO's would do.
DH has an opportunity to apply for something at work that would make week long overnight travel a regular happening starting when our baby is 5 months old. The benefit of this work thing is he would hone skills in an area of interest and get even more exposure with people from other offices. He's leaning towards not applying because he wants to be able to come home to the baby every night.
grapefruit / 4418 posts
DH would totally pass on this unless it was short term and meant significantly more money.
grapefruit / 4321 posts
If it meant significantly more money we would have to weigh the increased income vs the amount of time he would actually be away. If it was just different/more experience and exposure, then no, he wouldn't do it.
eggplant / 11824 posts
Dh would, and has, passed on things that would mean longer hours and less time with LO. It would have to be significantly more money for him to take something like that - then again, DH is well established in his career. His answer might be different if he were looking to aggressively advance.
wonderful pea / 17279 posts
@Truth Bombs: nope, no additional money. This work thing would replace his current duties, but he isn't necessarily taking on wildly different responsibilities.
grapefruit / 4988 posts
Yes, my DH has passed on opportunities like that. I think at this point, he wouldn't even do it if there was alot of extra money in it. We both prefer to spend more time with LO, since we already get so little with her.
pomegranate / 3127 posts
DH would totally take on a job with longer hours to get out of his current job, and I'd agree 100%, because it's a very unhealthy place and we'd all be happier if he didn't have to deal with that stress. If it was a better job, I think he would prefer more family time over higher wages.
pomegranate / 3716 posts
We're debating on this now. DH is potentially fielding a job offer that would be about a 30 - 40% salary increase from his current job. But the location of the new company would require an hour commute each way, so he would miss out on mornings with LO, and be home pretty close to bedtime. His commute right now is a 15 minute bike ride, which has been ideal. We are definitely considering it though, since that kind of raise is hard to pass up!
wonderful cherry / 21504 posts
Dh is considering almost exactly this right now, we have a 2 year old and a new baby due in December. He definitely will consider it, and would definitely take it for significantly more money, but would seriously consider even without a big bump in salary, if it meant more opportunity for advancement.
We actually differ a little on this, but he is very concerned with providing for the kids and having enough to save and do fun extras like vacations. I feel that at some point, once you are comfortable, no amount of money can make up for not ever seeing your kids. But I SAH which does give him more flexibility with this stuff.
wonderful pea / 17279 posts
@Meridian: that raise is awesome, the commute not so much. DH's most recent assignment had a really long commute, so he changed his work week to 4 days. Typically he would have every other Friday off. The assignment is over, but he loved having Fridays "off" and hasn't changed his schedule back. There is always lots of work for him to do on those Fridays and weekends too, but there's no commute! Do you think your husband could negotiate a flexible schedule?
pomegranate / 3779 posts
I don't know that DH would start traveling if he weren't already, but he currently travels 1-2 weeks per month, usually leaving Monday morning and returning Thursday afternoon. (This is a reduction in travel time from when we were dating, but due to the economy, not from DH requesting limited travel. ). We make it work because he loves his job.
pomegranate / 3716 posts
@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I don't know, I asked him if that could be a negotiating point... it would be great if they would let him do that!
persimmon / 1043 posts
At this point in DH's career, he would pass.. he avoids opportunities that require work related travel haha.
nectarine / 2173 posts
My DH wouldn't be interested I. Traveling without the family and our household really needs is both around because we both work full time.
GOLD / wonderful pea / 17697 posts
He would pass it up unless there was a solid pay raise or career advancement (promotion or a large step forward in working towards one).
He works second shift now, so he is almost never home before E goes to bed. But he can still make time to see him (like he'll take him into daycare late on Thursday because he doesn't have to work until 2pm). He went away for work for a week and a half when E was about 8 months old and it was really hard for both of us.
wonderful olive / 19353 posts
DH would pass. We just had a similar conversation about this last night!
papaya / 10343 posts
Depends on the circumstances. My husband was in school for his MBA the first year of LO's life so he didn't see her 3 days/week that year. It was rough but worth it for the long term.
cantaloupe / 6630 posts
I think he would pass. And I would be happier if he passed, because I like the extra help at bedtime.
wonderful pea / 17279 posts
@travelgirl1: I'm sure I am completely overestimating my ability to solo parent during the work week. Come next September/ October I will probably be very happy he passed on it.
cantaloupe / 6669 posts
What is a "regular happening"? Once a month?
I think we would consider it if it was a substantial raise. Without more money, he'd pass.
wonderful pea / 17279 posts
@daniellemybelle: his on-site assignments range from 2 weeks to 6 weeks on-site. So on a good month he could be gone for three weeks straight on-site OOT with one week at home commuting daily to his local office. More than that I'm not sure how much travel he would do, but the other OOT office would get first dibs on scheduling him for a year.
cantaloupe / 6669 posts
@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Yikes, that's a lot. Three weeks in a row wouldn't be okay, probably not for all the money in the world. 
DH did a summer externship of sorts before LO that was 7 weeks. We were able to visit each other every weekend. That was hard - I couldn't imagine with kids.
honeydew / 7622 posts
M is gone about 8 nights a month. Sometimes for 5+ nights at a time. It's always been that way. Sometimes it's more and those months are harder.
My friend's husband works M-F several hours away and is only home on weekends. She works FT and has two little girls, it works for them.
I guess what I am trying to say is lots of families do it different ways. I mostly SAH so it's different for us. You may enjoy having lots of 1x1 time with your babe. I think it also really depends on how demanding your baby is. If T were more difficult at night it would be much harder on our family. Also it depends on how much support you have in his absence.
watermelon / 14467 posts
@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: T does something similar in his current job (away 11-30 days in a row three months out of the year) and it's really hard. I WOH, but it's still really hard to be on all the time, the only fall-back if there is illness/injury, and to not have a break. He's looking for a job that doesn't have as much travel.
It might be okay though, but for us, it's really hard and he really hates being away from H that much.
grapefruit / 4731 posts
With no pay raise?! Heck no!
That being said, if he got a pretty big bump, we would consider it but outside of that no way jose.
Traveling and being away from your family is very stressful especially with a new baby in the mix. You know having new babies are a lot of work right? *joking of course you know!*
cantaloupe / 6630 posts
@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: you might find you prefer doing it solo a few times, you can just do it your way then relax afterwards 
wonderful pea / 17279 posts
@Raindrop: no, there isn't a pay raise, but when he travels OOT like this especially to places where he can drive (4-5 hours away) his travel checks are significant. There is some financial gain.
Umm not yet, not really! I keep hearing babies are hard work, but my own working mother made it look easy so...
grapefruit / 4455 posts
Yes and he has in a way by not applying for certain things. But the "things" I'm talking about are VERY time consuming and intense. He already works a difficult schedule. When the kids are just a little older I know he will likely be in those kind of work environments so I really appreciate him doing this for now, especially since I want to start working again and will be starting from the bottom.
grapefruit / 4441 posts
My husband would. Family time is very important to him. Fortunately he has a government job that never requires overtime.
wonderful pea / 17279 posts
@78h2o: my husband works for the government and all he does is work "overtime" lol
grapefruit / 4731 posts
@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Haha maybe it will be easy for you too!! I hear what you are saying about the travel checks. I think it will still be more helpful to have him come home and just enjoy your little one.
Will he have this opportunity later?
GOLD / wonderful olive / 19030 posts
DH would pass, I think the only way he would take this would be a significant pay increase. However, he's stated that his family time is more important to him than advancing in his career. he's happy where he is.
wonderful pea / 17279 posts
@Raindrop: good question, this is the first time he brought this up. However, the past two years he took on a pretty big role in the office training and development new hires. There's no way he would have been able to do this job and train since for 9 months he had five new employees in tow.
persimmon / 1322 posts
My husband would absolutely pass up the opportunity. He just recently finished up an out of town job (electrician) which was not optional, and lasted for 5 weeks (kiddo was 4 weeks to 9 weeks. He was out of town tuesday to friday, and it was so hard. Given the choice, he will always pick being home every night. He doesn't want to miss out on time with the kiddo, or miss how much she's changing, we need time together, and I need a few minutes where I am not the sole caregiver.
bananas / 9118 posts
We have both turned down jobs with better advancement opportunites, but worse family hours. We are in the middle of a job change up for my husband. One of his goals is more quality time at home and is turning down opportunities for higher pay that would take away quality time. A couple potential bosses told him he's crazy to turn them down, but the benefits were no better than the job he's looking at now, plus I would have to give up my job, which is a deal breaker.
Less glamorous work, more community involvement, and better family quality time wins.
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