Hellobee Boards

Oh no! With what you wrote already that's devastating, but I would suggest she keep digging. I would try to figure out if he called these numbers and actually used the services. Once she's sure she knows all she can on her own ask him about it face to face.

That's terrible. I would run (not walk) from that situation. Better that she knows now than after they are married, but it is a horrible thing to find out.

@MaryM: I'd probably just do this same thing. I don't know that there is any other best way to approach it.

I hesitate to say "talk to him about it" because I feel like that is just setting him up to lie and cover up and for her to excuse him when, in reality, I can't think of a single reason a good man would be google searching escorts.

@travellingbee: agreed.

At first I thought maybe he was looking for bachelor party entertainment...but strippers =/= escorts.

I'm not sure there really is any excuse.

Is there any way it could possibly be work-related, like he's a lawyer trying to find a witness on behalf of a client? Or a journalist working on a story? That's the only legitimate excuse I can think of...

I would confront him with screenshots or printouts, but in-person (hopefully with someone else around, just in case). I think sending things to him while apart takes away any clues from his initial reaction and gives a lot of space for him to come up with "excuses."

@PurplePeony: i agree - i'd talk in person rather than text/email because then he can craft a response. in person you get to see the look on their face and really be able to judge whether he's lying

I would email him simply because they're long distance. I wouldn't want to be "stuck" with him if he was visiting her, nor would I want to waste the money to go see him.

What is there to admit to though? I'm not sure why more evidence is needed. He logged into her phone, and the searches are saved. What possible explanation could he offer?

@PurplePeony: haha sorry. I just find that amusing. I mean, you're confronting him about potentially sleeping with an escort. So, long distance relationship means he was probably lonely? It's not like she found his mafia profile in google history and is scared he's gonna whack her if she confronts him.

@.twist.: I totally disagree that searching for an escort equals lonely. Normal lonely men go see their fiancé or sometimes go to a bar and cheat. A man looking for an escort likely has a sex addiction or issues with women- often violent and controlling temperaments.

@BabyPenguinXO: Any chance someone else used his phone?

@travellingbee: While I totally respect what you're saying, I just think it's a little overboard for an internet forum to be suggesting that he's going to kill her. Should she take precautions? Probably. Tell a friend where you're going to be. Should she ask her bff to tag along to sit in on what might be a very embarrassing and emotional conversation? no.

I guess my views on sexual outlets are a lot different than yours.

@BabyPenguinXO: I know you said your friend looked at the phone records and saw no calls to that number – did she also look for any calls FROM that number to the man’s phone? I google unknown numbers that call me, so if the number was what he googled first and got to escort page stuff from that search (not the other way around), I can see that being legit and innocent. Heck, if I googled a number that called me and it came up from an escort, I would probably google around a bit to see a pic of her, just for laughs and I certainly have zero interest in hiring an escort or cheating in general. I guess, I see several non OMG-he’s-cheating reasons to have that on a browse history.

Agree that it's a talk they need to have though.

@travellingbee: Looking for an escort= addiction or control issues? What makes you say that? I'm not arguing; I'm genuinely curious. The only things I've ever really heard about this topic came from sermons in fundamentalist churches growing up, so I don't really trust the accuracy there.

My first reaction is to keep digging, see how much is really going on, etc. And then to ask, as @MaryM said, is there any okay explanation for this? To be honest, for me, I would be less upset if my SO went to a (as reputable as is possible) sex worker than I would be if he was hooking up in bars. I mean, I wouldn't be happy, and I'd have to really do some soul searching and serious talking with him to figure out what's going on in his head/why he did it. It might be a deal breaker. But not automatically. It sort of seems like a step up from watching porn, which I have no issues with in general. (How I feel about the existence of porn, and it's influence on society, not so sure, but since it's there I don't see the harm in him watching it as long as it doesn't effect our relationship.) But I know I'm a bit more liberal in my thinking than average. And there's less of a point in confronting him too much, if there's no acceptable explanation (barring something like @Eko: or @PurplePeony: suggested).

@Torchwood: I couldn't be further from a fundamentalist Christian. I am a very liberal athiest who believes strongly that prostitution is an exploitation of women.

Ok so I'm going to bow out of this conversation because clearly I'm overstating my opinion.

@travellingbee: I didn't mean you were! I just meant I don't know any other perspectives on this, since I haven't heard much about it since I grew up/became an atheist.

@travellingbee: I hope I didn't offend you. I enjoy your comments a whole bunch.

I just found it so strange that people would jump to the worst possible conclusion before suggesting to just chat with him. The problem is that so little information was given to begin with. Is this something to just be able to call him up and say "dude, what the eff?" or is this a whole lot more serious than that? We might never know. For now all we have is google histories....