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@BabyPenguinXO: Yeah, I have no idea what all services an escort could provide too. And how do you even go about finding that out? Definitely a confusing situation.
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@BabyPenguinXO: An escort is a "high class" prostitute. So yes, they are paid. Porn and an escort should never be compared because they are two very different things. One is a fantasy and one is reality.
ETA: Sorry, an escort is someone you pay to accompany you somewhere. However, I think a lot of times sexual favours are also high on their list of services.
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@.twist.: @Torchwood: it's cool, I just realized that both cheating and prostitution are emotional triggers for me based on my own experiences and my reaction is stronger than others. She asked what I would do and what I would honestly do would be to confront and walk away because I doubt I'd get over the doubts I'd have.
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@travellingbee: Totally understandable.
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@.twist.: Thanks. That's my thought... escorts are reality porn is a fantasy. I mean, some porn obviously is still distrubing in my opinion... if you're looking at aggressive stuff or some weird things. I might be a little concerned about that. But otherwise its just a random hot girl online. I think my friend and I tend to share those same views from discussions we've had.
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That is some pretty convincing evidence. I would send him a screenshot with no comment.
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I google all kinds of weird and inappropriate stuff on my phone, so I would just ask him. Sometimes I google things out of curiosity or for shits, so it could have come up in some kind of conversation
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@blackbird: isn't it a little suscpicious that he googed backpages for the city hes in though? I mean, I would be a little more inclined to believe it was harmless googling if it was like escort service... idk. I guess its creepy that is " chicago backpages" for example.
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Without googling back pages (don't want DH freaking out) I don't actually know what they are.
Before accusing the guy of cheating or assuming he's going to get violent I'd try a conversation.
Who knows, maybe back pages is the name of a bar in a book shop. -
@oliviaoblivia: It's a site that grew in popularity after Craigslist shut down its adult sections. There aren't many controls on the site, so there are a bunch of reports that underage girls being trafficked on the site. Nicholas Kristoff wrote some really shocking stuff about them here!
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/18/opinion/sunday/kristof-where-pimps-peddle-their-goods.html
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@oliviaoblivia: yeah, i don't know what a backpage is either.
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@BabyPenguinXO: meh...I am having a hard time thinking of it from outside my perspective. If I found that on DH's computer, he'd probably have some ridiculous story that traced back to some story with a friend that wouldn't even surprise me. I guess it would take more than just some shady googling to cause me to really get my sensors going
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@blackbird: I agree. If someone judged me on the what I google....
....
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@mrbee: I'm so old I didn't know craigslist had gotten rid of the adult section! Do they still have missed connections? I loved those. Had one written about me once and it made my week.
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@oliviaoblivia: no they still have those! A local radio station reads them here! In the most creepy 80's "sexy voice". It's hilarious
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@blackbird: thank god!
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This kind of stuff is so hard. I think it's not that unusual to struggle with fidelity, even in loving relationships, especially when long distance is involved. Her response sort of depends on how much she's willing to deal with - will she believe him if he denies or has some reason for the searches? Then she might gain peace of mind by asking. If he admits to infidelity, will she want to work through it? Will he? If they're both willing to put in hard work, I'd say a gentle approach is great, like calling him or visiting and saying she knows the distance has messed with their relationship and she wants to talk about it, giving him a real outlet to discuss what happened and why and how to move forward. Or is this sort of thing a dealbreaker for her? Then she should only bring it up if she'd rather break up than live with the mystery.
Assuming this is somebody she loves, I kind of think just emailing screenshots is pretty snarky. We all have faults and mess up, sometimes in huge ways, and to me dealing with them gently is a big part of any relationship. No need to be a doormat, but I think hiring an escort when you're engaged marks a pretty low place for most people, so unless he's a real sociopath, even the cheater deserves a little compassion.
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@blackbird: I talked to her again and sent her the link to read this. the timing of all of them are late in the evening when he would be at home, and typically going to bed. usually friday or saturday nights. but he works long weeks and usually works the weekends with a few exceptions.
i dunno. super odd to me. but i guess.. i dont see what would be curious about escorts lol that just mortifies me.
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@blackbird: Oh, and its happened about 4-5 times i guess just since January... doesnt really line up with thinking about a funny story of the past and a one time weird search.
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@BabyPenguinXO: i googled uncircumcised penis awhile ago-my husband could easily ask why I'd want to see that, ya know?! I dunno, she'll just have to determine for herself if she trusts what he says or if he's lying before jumping to conclusions.
4-5 times is a lot. That is weird.
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@blackbird: LOL!!! i totally admit to googling that when I looked into circumcision for our son. hahaha. It helps to have some positive stories to pass on, and to not hear everyone say she's doomed. I think she's going to confront him on the phone, not aggressively. Because they dont have plans to be together soon and flying out last minute to resolve this isn't really an option. She would like answers because she's really struggling to understand. I supposed I don't blame her. I hate being the friend here!
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@BabyPenguinXO: that's 100% what I would do-it's not like she's ever had a reason to distrust him, right?...and most people jump to the worst conclusion and maybe that is the case but maybe not
all she can do is speculate until she asks!
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Eh, sometimes I read backpage or craigslist adult section for entertainment purposes. IT doesn't mean that I would ever contact anyone from it. I may even google numbers of escorts because I'm just curious about the whole process. The fact that there were no actual calls is a good thing. I wouldn't worry too much about it unless there are other red flags. I might ask him about it but I would stay clear of accusing him of anything based off any searches.
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@blackbird: i Google lots of weird, inappropriate shit too.
I used to read craigslist personal ads and sex ads for fun. I mean..... It could be harmless? But she definitely needs to talk to him. I'm not gonna lie, I'm pretty open minded. I don't care about porn or strippers.... But escorts would make me raise a brow or two.
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I feel like this is a huge red flag. If it were me, I'd leave him. My mom divorced her second husband after discovering that he's been actively pursing others through online dating. It was awful.
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@loveisstrange: I was trying to rack her brain and she mentioned something that they talked about recently. There was a big hotel raid at a place where there's been a history of escort / prostitution stuff. There were a lot of guys from work that stayed there and the hotel evidently was shut down so they were bummed cause they got a discount cheap rate for staying there long term. Could explain recent googling of it. But not long term.
I feel like it was a poor choice of a way to get off. I feel like he maybe got bored with porn and wanted something more interesting? So he turned to the back ads to try and find a sexting buddy or sothing? I dunno. Maybe the thrill of knowing its someone local.
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I totally Google some crazy shit so that is totally possible... I think people saying escorts could be used for sexting and things other than sex though are technically accurate but being a bit naive. I think 99% of the time people are involved with escorts for actual sex. Not saying that's what is happening here though, as again, I have googled some pretty suspect things.
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