Hellobee Boards

Oh man, my post was lost, but I said that this kid wouldn't want to live with you either! And then I said you could say that you philosophically believe that all freshman should live in the dorms their first year as part of normal development and to meet people.

Doesn't sound like you are super close to this cousin so I would say no as well. One thing that is hard when you initially going to school is making friends and living at a residence does not help that. I do not think it's hard or difficult to expect and ask for room and board. But lets say the teen does not clean up after herself or starts having bad grades and doing other things parents do that way or you for that matter. With the parents expect you to step in as a role model, displinarian? that is the part that I would not want.

My parents took in a distant cousin when she was a young woman in the city. She was working but not in school. the situation was always going to be temporary but if I recall correctly it ended sooner than it was supposed to. Part of the problem with house she spent her money and my parents sthought recklessly and did not want that type of um role model around me.

No way would I do that and if I was the teen no way I'd want to stay with you! Teens going away to college want to have their freedom and not a "spy" reporting back to daddy. (Not that you'd do that but that's how I'd see it as the teen!) On the slim chance they ask, just say what you said (happy to have her for breaks, and you're there for her in emergencies, etc) but that you cannot have any long-term houseguests. Hopefully your cousin doesn't see this school as tuition minus room and board, just because you live there. If so, it's on your cousin for his bad judgement!

My dad passed away my freshman year, I was 12 hours from home, and I know after that my mom really tried to connect me with distant relatives in the state in case of a similar emergency. So hopefully your cousin will get over having to pay room and board and be thankful to have a family member in the area who can be there for his daughter!

Begging for trouble, sounds like. I think it's just too sticky of a situation to put yourself in, and it's awesome that you have the forethought to realize some of the potential problems. I would go with @Mrs. Jacks and say something along the lines of, "I really think she would have a much better experience living in the dorm." 'Cause I think you guys would like that experience (her living in the dorm) much better, too.

Nope, not a chance! I'm sure she's going to want to experience college and being away from home, and I wouldn't want to be responsible for that.

I've thought a lot about this scenario since most of my DH's families live over seas but want to send their kids to school here. There is no way I would be able to take in a teenager (I think some ppl are big enough, I just know my limits). I would be ok with weekend visits or even holiday (how can you say no to a college student who doesn't have anywhere to stay over a holiday?) but that's it. I figure even with those visits and potentially having to bail the kid out of any trouble since I'm the closest one, that would already be a lot of commitment. For a cousin too, not even my own siblings kids!

Nope!! Maybe a few visits and that's good. You're there in case of an emergency so I think that's good enough!

No way. What college freshman wants to live with family instead of on campus where she can make friends? Plus, she may be coming and going at odd hours.

I think it's all around a bad idea

Since you don't want to do it, I'd say it's decided and you should stick to your guns. But fwiw, when my sister lived at my uncle's, she paid room and board (I expect it was some sort of discounted rate) and she came and went as she pleased. She was an adult, not my uncle's responsibility.