What did your parents do with you that you plan to incorporate with your own children? KEEP
What did your parents do with you that you plan to make every effort not to do with your with your own children? CHANGE
Feel free to apply to the In-Laws
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To sum it up, I think my parents were way too easy on us. My two sisters were simply out of control when they were teenagers and I think my parents handled them poorly.
Otherwise though, I think my parents gave me a good amount of freedom. They let me make my own decisions and take up responsibilities and they also let me make my own mistakes.
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My parents:
KEEP:
1) My parent's spent alot of one on one time with me. I went for hikes with my dad, and shopping excursions with my mom. Loved it!
2) They paid me when I babysat my brother. Overall he was not my responsibility. I really appreciated that.CHANGE:
1) I plan to raise my children with a religious foundation.
2) My parent's let me start things and quit all the time. My kid's will have to tough it out. Tiger Mom says activities/ studies aren't fun until you're good at it. Practice, practice, practice. -
This sort of goes both ways for me..
KEEP - my parents held respect as a very high value in our house. No swearing, no disrespect,always say please and thank you, and no talk back.... I wouldn't even think about it.
CHANGE - they were a LITTLE too far on that spectrum.. I want to be a little more relaxed and fun.
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@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Ah that's a good point, my parents are atheist and I am Christian, so I will be raising them as such, which is also a change!
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Keep: my mom was a SAHM and was there for everything and anything we needed. Every recital, tournament, game, school event....I want DD to feel that from me
Change: everything else hahaha there was no discipline, no respect, no order, I want my kids to do some of their own chores...I could go on and on
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MIL
Keep: kept TV viewing to a minimumChange: discipline- she spanked and meted out humiliating punishment
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KEEP:
- Discipline and showing elders respect.
- Opportunity and importance placed on travel experiences over material possessions.CHANGE:
- Being there for your child. They were more often concerned with their own activities and wants. (i.e. Being there for important events.)
- Showing your child love and affection. -
Keep:
- we had tons of freedom growing up and didn't really have a ton of rules to abide and we all ended up being very conscientious and responsible
- introduce a variety of extra curriculars but don't force my LO to continue if he hates them**
- our parents showed us the meaning if hard work through example and we hope to do the sameChange:
- less junk fod and fast food
-** encourage my LO to stick with at least 1 extracurricular or keep searching until he finds one he loves (my parents let me quit too readily)
- my mom was / is a lazy parent and she can never admit that she is wrong and I hope to not be the same -
KEEP: Discipline, religious upbringing, cultivating a big love of reading
CHANGE: show muchmore love than they did, and control diet much better
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Keep:
-The level of involvement my mom had with us. She was there for EVERYTHING, even if it was just a silly little concert with Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star, she went.
-The openness we had with my mom, we could go to her with anything and she'd help us out.
-We weren't spanked.Change:
-I want to raise LO with religion.
-I also want to make family dinners a big priority, this wasn't really ever an option growing up since my dad worked shift work.
-I want LO to do at least one sport, I don't care what he picks but I want him to do a sport. I always struggled with my weight, but I never did a sport and by the time I had any interest in any sports, I found that all the other kids had been playing since they were like 5 and I had no chance in heck of being any good. And who wants to stick with a sport they suck at?
-I don't really want LO to have as much freedom as we had. We had cars at 16 and pretty much went wherever and did whatever. I stayed out of trouble, for the most part, but still, it was too much. -
Keep: knowing good manners and valuing everyone as an equal human being.
Change: Comparing siblings. My older brother is a genius. Literally. He knows everything and was always great at school and things like doing homework. I'm smart, but I'm more artsy/creative, and they always made it know that they wished I would be more like my brother. It took me a long time to get to the point where I understood that I'm ok just the way I am...and I didn't learn it from them. I won't do that with my kids. I will value each one as an individual and let them know all the time that they're perfect just the way they are.
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KEEP:
-homemade food and family dinner with no tv. My mom worked but always made dinner and we always ate dinner together and the tv was never on. Ordering take out, fast food or pizza delivery was a special treat maybe 1-2 times a month.-no dessert on a regular basis. I never grew up with dessert after dinner. My mom would cut up a bunch of fruit and that's what we had. Again, ice cream or cookies or cake were a special treat every once and a while.
-no soda on a regular basis. I only had soda if I used my lunch money towards it or occasionally if we had pizza or BBQ or went out to eat. Again, it was a rare treat and I think because we didn't grow up on it, I don't drink soda very often.
CHANGE:
-more structured chores/discipline.-encourage all kinds of activities not just academics
-make our kids learn the value of money and earn certain privileges. I don't want my kids to expect that we will buy them a car or pay for everything. I'm not sure exactly how we'll do it differently but I've heard some parents of teenagers say they make them pay half towards certain things (they can earn money by doing extra things around the house, etc). I do not want spoiled children.
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KEEP:
-Priority on education, lots of going to libraries, cultural events, museums, etc. Lots of reading
-Family dinners & game nights. My favorite memories are of us together around a dinner table or a game.
-Lots of travel!
-Parental involvement, to a point. See the change section
CHANGE:
-The extreme nosiness/over protectiveness when I was a teenager. My mom freaked out big time when I started exhibiting independence, and it was bad. I want my kids to grow.
-No spoiling my kids! My parents gave us way too much money at a young age and bought us too much. I want my kids to appreciate the value of a dollar and a hard day's work!
-No dessert/fast food on a regular basis. My parents used food as a reward, and dessert was a nightly thing. I don't want my kids to struggle with food as I have.
-Communication goes both ways. My mom ignored a lot of my ideas/thoughts, and I never felt like I could talk to her about anything without her freaking out on me.
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