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My mom also says things like "my baby" and at first it did bug me, but now I'm over it. She is HER granddaughter and I'm happy that she adores her so much.

Both my parents and inlaws get to see my LO a lot because they live close. I'm happy about it because it gives me a break. I'm a SAHM and I'm exhausted. Of course there's issues with both my parents and inlaws sometimes... but I think that's normal.

Now my mom is retiring soon and will have lots of free time on her hands. This could be a very good..... or a very bad thing for me. We shall see

For the first 6 weeks I never left DD alone. I practically had to be pushed out of the house but now I gladly go. However, what you're describing would drive me crazy too. My mom always asks how HER baby is. My DH finally told her to stop saying that because it's his baby lol and showing up unannounced is NEVER okay. Maybe give a little and she will let up. I have to remember that even though it is MY baby, it's my mom and MILs first grandchild and that's a very special moment for them too.

Sounds very frustrating. My advice is to focus on the most significant (disrespectful) aspects of their behaviour and have a heart to heart with them about it. These seem to be 1) your mom insisting she take your LO twice a week before you are ready and 2) your in laws coming over unannounced. You need to communicate to them about this. Make you sure you say how much you appreciate their support, but be very firm about your needs right now, at this point in time. I would leave the other stuff alone (ie: sharing fb photos and calling your LO their baby). I don't think you can control this and would likely make them feel quite badly if you raise it.

@Mrsdaredevil: I meant more like, has she displayed any narcissitic tendencies? Sorry to ask!

I think it might be time to talk about boundaries...I could totally see my mom being like this. She has commented on how she will sleep with my baby, despite both of us saying that is not going to happen, among some other things. I think she feels like she can do certain things because she raised me and she's the grandma, and grandmas get leeway Your FIL coming over unannounced is NOT acceptable. When he rings the doorbell, you can tell him that you are not expecting company, you've nicely asked him to call before coming over, and it's a bad night, sorry, then shut the door.

I could see how your mom wants some things to be a nana thing--like the books. It also seems like she's being a little possessive, which, on one hand, is nice because she wants to be involved, but on the other hand is a curse because she's violating your space. I do think, since she is so close, that it would be nice if you took her up on her offer to watch the baby. It IS her grandchild, too, and a few hours a week would probably mean the world to her, if she's anything like my mom. Maybe get a pedicure or something.

@Mrsdaredevil: Oh I could have written this post when DD was born. My Mom and MIL acted the same way and it drove me nuts. I felt like no one acknowledged that I even existed, much less that it was MY baby! It's taken until recently but my Mom is finally coming around... my MIL is still not listening to me. She takes DD out of my arms without asking All.The.Time.

I feel your pain feel free to vent to me any time you want!!

As someone with smothering in laws, I don't think you are over reacting at all. She is YOUR child, not theirs. If you aren't ready to leave her, DEFINITELY don't let yourself get pushed or guilted into it. These feelings are normal and I don't think you are over reacting at all.

I was possessive of DS. He is my first and I just didn't want to put him down. It was so hard to even le others hold him, aside from DH of course. I have not worked hard enough to set boundaries with my inlaws and last week my MIL called herself mommy to my son. NOT COOL!

I would sit them down and draw boundaries. You can recognize their love and support and let them know you appreciate their help, and that you will continue to need it as time goes on. But you cannot have nightly unannounced visits, pressure to leave DD before you are ready, and the right to have whatever books and rituals you want with your own DD.

It is a fine line between help/love and smothering/overbearing. As someone with in laws who cross that line all the time, I urge you to set boundaries sooner rather than later. It will be easier now, though not easy persay, but the longer you wait the more you will stress and the harder it will be to change their behaviors.

@Mrsdaredevil: You do need to be very stern and set boundaries. Once you do it and they realize how their actions are making you feel, they should come around. Whatever you decide to do, do it now otherwise the anger/resentment will only get worse. Best of luck! Sending lite of good, soothing vibes your way.

I totally get it. You have every right to be frustrated! Especially your FIL coming over unannounced. My in-laws do that all the time and I feel so disrespected of my personal space...just call! I also hate when people get that close to me while holding LO. It makes me feel so claustrophobic and uncomfortable. I'd definitely have a "boundaries" talk with both sets of parents but in a kind way because close family can really become useful for babysitting and over all support. Hopefully, you're clearing the way for your siblings when they have children haha but that doesn't help you right now.

My LO is also the 1st grandchild on each side. I knew my mom would be kind of nutty over him because she's very nutty over me. She was a single mom and has always been quite smothering, which has caused us problems throughout the years. When my LO was 12 days old, DH and I took him to my best friend's wedding which my mother was also invited to. My mom asked how long we were planning on staying (which really completely depended on how LO was doing) because she wanted to leave as soon as we left. She said the only reason she was really going was to see LO, which I told her I felt was slightly rude to the bride and groom. LO ended up behaving wonderfully and was able to nap, swaddled up, in his car seat for 2 hours during the reception. My mom kept taking his car seat and turning it towards her, so only she could see LO. She also kept threatening to either wake LO up, or just pick him up so she could hold him - even though we specifically asked her not to because we wanted him to sleep and not take any of the attention away from the wedding. She ended up leaving in a huff without saying goodbye to me and has continuously brought up the issue since.
Needless to say, I kind of get where you're coming from and I hope you're able to continue to stand your ground and I hope your DH will help to support you.

Boundaries. Set them now. Make them stronger. This is not cool. ((hugs))

I'm sorry you're dealing with this--I don't think you should feel guilty at all! I recommend coming up with some sort of very firm (but not rude) mantra that you'll repeat for each situation. Something like, "Mom, we've talked about this before. When I'm ready for you to watch LO, I'll let you know. I don't want to discuss this anymore." "Mom, we've talked about this before. I'm going to buy LO whichever books I like. I don't want to discuss this anymore." "Sorry FIL, tonight's just not a good night. Give us a call and maybe we can see you tomorrow."

Become like a robot with these sayings. Stick to your guns!

I feel your pain and agree that this behavior is irritating. I can say I only have the smothering on one side though. My mom has acted in similar ways. She even turned my old bedroom at her house into a nursery compete with a crib set and decor, plus more baby gear than we even have at our house and even diapers and a wardrobe of outfits. She kept pressuring me to let dd stay with her, and I totally wasn't ready. She even talked about keeping her overnight. She also told me my decision to be a sahm didn't make sense, and I know it's because she wants to watch dd. We finally did have a talk about boundaries. My mom got very offended by it, but she is now much more respectful of our space. It was a tough talk to have, but I know now it was a necessary one, and my mom got over being upset because she loves her granddaughter.