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@Ra: that sounds like a good plan. you can't make yourself miserable and sacrifice your well-being for the sake of the relationship between your MIL and your LO. you are more important to LO than MIL is, so we need to keep you happy. i think very limited interaction between LO and MIL in public places is a good idea. at some point, sooner or later, she is going to show her toxicity to him if she continues to refuse to get help. so sorry you have to deal with this.
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My sister has similar issues, so I can sympathize...but I can't imagine having to deal with it from a parent. I think it's a lot easier to avoid a sibling than a parent/grandparent.
A few things I've done with my sister though...I never reach out to her. I've done that, and done it enough. It's up to her to reach out to me if she wants to get together.
I NEVER spend time with her one on one. She has gotten physical before, so I won't put myself in that situation ever again. Part of her disease makes it so that she's AMAZING at "acting" like everything is ok if someone less closely related to her is there (or if my mom is around), so I will only stop at her house if I know others are there that she will try to keep a sane face on for.
I've had to give up on the idea of expecting her to be "normal" or expecting her to apologize when she does eff up. Now we sort of expect her to ruin just about every major holiday and event (like...she called the night before my wedding to tell me she wouldn't be there). When we expect the worst, sometimes we're surprised and nothing happens.
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@Ra: I didn't read any other comments yet, but nope. No way. I would not be a willing participant in an abusive relationship like this. If my children asked when they got older why grandma doesn't come over and mom doesn't visit her, I would tell them that grandma is not always kind to me and I do not choose to be around unkind people. I think it' a bad example to have my children watch/hear her be abusive to me, even if she wasn't to them (although I doubt she'd be able to stop herself from eventually treating them poorly too).
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Yeah, you're already way past what would be my breaking point. This sounds like an abusive relationship, and you just don't have to suffer it. I'm glad that your husband is on board with your plan. Have strength!
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43 comments