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I do have him apologize after a tantrum. He has to tell me he's sorry and then say for what (not getting dressed, pitching a fit, throwing something, etc.) Then we kind of talk about why he got upset, how sometimes we have to do things we don't like, screaming at mommy is not ok, etc... and then hug it out. The talking it out part gives me a chance to catch my breath and for both of us to calm down.

There are usually consequences for tantruming at our house. Which equals a timeout in his room. It separates him from the situation and gives me a chance to breathe and not blow up at him. I think for E, most of his tantrums are related to not being able to do things he wants, or by himself, or on his time schedule. But, in the real world, you need to learn that you can't always have it your way. At 3, I think he's old enough to learn that throwing a fit is not the way to fix the situation.

I definitely identify with you on getting wound up and feeling pretty stressed/annoyed at tantrums! But I really think it's important to encourage them once the tantrum is over, hugs, praises, etc because the end is exactly what we want them to achieve, that resolution! Everything I've read says that tantrums occur because toddlers can't regulate their emotions so our job is to help them learn that regulation and create positive feelings around that resolution, if that makes sense?

@hilsy85: I did luck out with DS1. However, I can already see that DS2 will test me when the time comes!

@hilsy85: oh I hear you! When he yells and screams, I can feel my cheeks flushing and my blood pressure rising! I just keep hoping the tantrums phase passes sooner than later... I know it's not fun for them but it's definitely not fun for us either!

It's so hard to keep my cool with my daughter! So, what do you do when you put them in a timeout and they decide to take off their clothes and pee on the floor (to show she has some control). My daughter has done that twice in the past 2 weeks.

ETA: and she is fully potty trained and has been for a few months.

@Truth Bombs: You're totally right. I should have been more specific in my post! If he hits someone or throws something, I make him apologize for the action. Never for the actual tantrum.

@hilsy85: I have it easier I think because my LO very very rarely tantrums in public. Really just at home, so after giving her some options for solutions, I can walk away from her until she calms down and it's not like people are staring at me gawking. If she freaked out in public I'm sure it would be harder to keep myself calm!

@hilsy85: Certainly not fun with a pregnant belly!! If it makes you feel better, my husband took LO to the zoo Saturday and she pointed at an overweight old lady and loudly announced " LOOK DADDY! That lady has a baby in her tummy just like mommy!".... soooo.... at least your LO didn't do that

@hilsy85: I read somewhere (janet lansbury, I'm sure) about the importance of recognizing that toddlers/kids tap into our own issues and insecurities (ie embarrassment in public, feeling like a failure, etc). When I'm still fuming over what happened, I try to remember it's my stuff and to not take it out on her. I may need to be alone for a bit to chill out but it's better than snapping at her or saying something hurtful.

@NorthStar: You don't know how glad I am to hear that someone else's child does this! Mine doesn't go so far as to trip, but on days when I'm busy and won't do what she asks right-this-very-second, she'll sometimes wet her pants a little and tell me, "oh well, I pee peed in my pants. Whoops" in the most sarcastic little voice EVER.

@hilsy85: My post-tantrum reaction depends on my mood a little bit (which I know isn't ideal, consistencey is better, but we mamas are only human). In my ideal circumstances, I'm still a little cold/firm, but will give her a hug and tell her I always love her, but I didn't like her behavior. DD is worried about "are you happy, Mommy?" so I take that opportunity to tell her that no, I feel sad when I see her get so upset/not listening/etc. Although frankly sometimes that backfires, because (hooray for toddler control issues - not!), because her goal was to elicit a reaction and MAKE me unhappy. Sigh

@hilsy85: hugs!!

I think it's totally normal...and esp with being pregnant, our patience level wears thin a lot quicker these days than our norm. I think it's even more wearing on SAHMs who don't get much of "break" to reset themselves either.

I react the same way as you some days, I try to take five minutes and breathe/cool off/etc. because I know that's the only way my negative reaction won't actively affect DS. Sometimes in the moment though, we're only human! Sometimes, I could slap myself for even being able to be impatient/angry in reaction to something that's just an emotional response from my 2yo toddler!

@hilsy85: I usually end up being present for the whole tantrum, so when it's over I say something like, "I see you're feeling calmer, let's....(finish the task, talk about it, find a solution, etc)." I do let him hug me if he wants it and I don't make him apologize (I feel the same as @Truth Bombs: ), but I do address his behavior & tell him a better way to deal with it. Sometimes if I got really pissed off, I also apologize for raising my own voice. I think tantrums are mainly emotional & a way to release feelings, not manipulate. I also think they flipping suck and are sooooo hard to deal with/keep calm as an adult!!

@hilsy85: I actually don't think you're being paranoid about how he'll feel if you "go cold". I feel hurt if my husband shuts down on me, you know? But you could be gently honest with him & say something like, "I love you and I know you were upset, but it makes me upset when you yell/scream/fight. I'm going to take a break/cook/clean up to calm down & then we can talk or play." Just like kids need a chance to chill out, so do us moms! Don't feel bad about being riled up - it's a really normal response!