-
@HLK208: ugh! I would be so mad! Yesterday, I was trying on a dress for a wedding next weekend and L decided that was the perfect time to wipe his popsicle on my shoulder
-
@Truth Bombs: I agree, I see a tantrum as my LO expressing some emotions that are too big for him to handle (and are not always actually about the event in question). As long as he's not hurting anyone then he's entitled to his feelings. As much as tantrums do sometimes annoy and frustrate me, I try to stay completely cool, and to move on immediately once it's over, because I think a lot of his learning about emotional regulation will come by my example. But of course we are only human and sometimes I lose my rag or am tempted to sulk with him - in those instances I apologise to him afterwards, again so that he learns by example about saying sorry when you've lost your cool with someone.
-
Gosh, it depends on why he is having the tantrum. Sometimes my so has them as a result of being reprimanded for something, as he did last night. He didn't have to apologize for the tantrum, but he did have to apologize for telling my husband to "shut his mouth." That resulted in him losing time in playing with his remote control boat, going straight into the bath and into pajamas. Tantrum ensued and then when he calmed down, he apologized for the initial action.
-
It's really interesting reading all of these responses. I am the opposite that I get a little worked up/upset during the tantrum, that when she is sweet/apologizes and wants a hug I'm just so relieved it is over so we both kind of hug it out and feel much better. Tantrums in public are the worst though! Wrestling a 35 lb toddler into strollers/car seats when it's hot out is the worst.
I don't make her apologize for the tantrum, but for the behavior (she runs off from me in parking lot so I pick her up, she tantrums- I make her realize she cannot do that bc it's not safe). I think tantrums are totally normal for toddlers though- sometes their emotions are so big and hard to handle they release their feelings that way. If I'm still upset after it's over, I just try to say something like "thank you for saying sorry...mommy gets really upset when you do XYZ, I don't want to be mad at you lets just try to relax and calm down for a little"
-
I share my feelings with her when things are calm and explain its hard to go do fun things when there's tantrums. She's 4 now but I've done it since she was maybe 3. Sometimes she shares more about why she was upset and we discuss how to handle it better. Sometimes she tries to cute her way out of a tantrum when it's just been too big or too frequent and I don't yell but just tell her mommy is still frustrated and upset about . . . I think it's good for them to calmly see the other side of things sometimes. I don't always do that but it's good for them to see how they affect others sometimes.
-
I ignore tantrums with A. Afterwards, I try carry on as normal with her, hug if she wants to and praise her for calming down. We're trying to teach her techniques to help her calm herself down but she's only little, it's hard for her to fully understand that. I never make her apologize. If I'm still mad at her after she has calmed down I try get myself a little treat to try help myself calm down, like go for an ice coffee or piece of cake. Helps my pregnant self no end
hugs, it's hard dealing with toddler logic and pregnancy in this heat!Oh and as to why they do it, I think it's just a normal part of toddlerhood. I can't get me own way so I'm going to freak out. They don't know how to process things rationally. Also, sometimes it gets a reaction from us, and they love that.
-
@NovBaby1112: Mine is a runner too
She thinks it's so freaking hilarious! Me, less so.
-
@hilsy85: I haven't read over everyone's answers, but I will say that, depending on what the tantrum is for, it can take me a while to calm down after a tantrum. W can have some horrible ones and she'll say some awful things to me that can really wind me up. But, once she calms down and does seem sincere in her apology to me, I try to accept it and drop it. If I find I'm still worked up, I'll tell her that I need to calm down and have some time to myself.
-
I have a lot of thoughts on this because I have been working on it due to shortness of patience the last few days. We use ahaparenting's theory with most parenting issues - so tantrums are communication of feelings by kids, and any feelings that you have in response to them is the only thing you have control over. It encourages you to stay calm and present when your child is tantruming, and to acknowlege the feelings being expressed neutrally. I have a very, very tantrumy two year old so we have a lot of public tantrums and I have an 8 week old as well so the tantrums are are physically difficult to deal with. It is very frustrating, especially on bad days, but I do my very best to not give a crap what bystanders are thinking about my parenting and just calmly acknowledge the feelings that she's expressing. She's okay with a back rub or hug during or after the tantrum, so I do that, and talk her through them "I hear you, it's really upsetting and frustrating when I won't pick you up and carry you when you want to push the stroller". I don't find it helpful to think of tantrums as being behavioural - that just makes me more frustrated rather than less. When I am feeling particularly short of patience (like yesterday when she had a meltdown on the concrete sidewalk in front of our gymboree teacher because I wouldn't pick her up and carry her while she pushed her empty stroller, while I had the baby strapped to me, lol), I download gentle parenting podcasts and listen to them for encouragement. The one thing that stuck out for me from the podcasts for the day was that the goal of any form of discipline is to teach self-control. Assisting in identifying emotions and normalizing the expression of them is a method of teaching self-control in the same way that any other kind of discipline is, but it makes me feel more positive and in partnership with my LO. But that said, it is very hard to not express feelings of anger or embarassment, etc. especially in public, or on not a lot of sleep.
-
I go on with life as if nothing ever happened. But, I stick to my stance with whatever caused the tantrum.
-
@NovBaby1112: @travelgirl1: oh my god the running! I hate this! Especially when it's at the playground and I need to climb onto the equipment to get him off. This also makes me mad because I inevitably end up carrying him away kicking and screaming and I can just feel my blood pressure rising. So let's say they throw a tantrum because you did that-once it's done, how do you address the fact that they ran away from you in the first place? Do you address it or just let it go/
@Rockies11: yep public tantrums are just the worst!!! Thanks for your input
Gives me something to think about!
-
@hilsy85: omg that just happened to us this evening. It was time to leave playground, I warned her a few times to no avail...she hid and ran away so I literally had to chase her, hold her while she was kicking/screaming and she actually BIT me, then had to wrestler her into car seat. She screamed bloody murder the 5 min ride home and continued thrashing for 10 minutes in driveway. We just sat there until she calmed down. Then while still in the car she apologized. I asked why are you sorry? And she said for biting me. I then explained that she needs to listen to mommy when it's time to leave and she can't kick and scream when it's time to go. Ugh, so stressful. Then we came inside and I sat her on the couch and explained once more that she needs to listen tome and not run away. I'm sure it'll happen again, but I don't know what else to do!
-
@hilsy85: As I carry her away - to the stroller - I ignore the tantrum and talk about the running away. Usually though I give her a warning about it before she gets out of the stroller, when we arrive at the park. Something like: "you can get out of the stroller and go and play but you cannot run away from mummy. If you run away from mummy you will go straight back in the stroller, okay?" I'll make her answer me and if she runs away and I have to go get her and she will go nuts about going back in the stroller I'll say: "mummy told to not to run away and you did. So now you're going back in the stroller". No second chances. Honestly I have to be like that because she finds running away hilarious, does it all the time and I am so pregnant now I just can't chase her so it's dangerous. It's hard when other mums I am with don't have the same rules and give their kids multiple chances but they can run after them, I can't and I need her to know I mean business.
-
@travelgirl1: yeah I am the same as you--no 2nd chances. BUt then he gets so sad and says "I'll be a good listener, I'll be a good listener!". So I end up trying to let him walk/out of the stroller again. And repeat
@NovBaby1112: eek that sounds stressful
at least she apologized?
hugs, it's hard dealing with toddler logic and pregnancy in this heat!
She thinks it's so freaking hilarious! Me, less so.
- Google Plus
- Stumbleupon
- Twitter
- Facebook
- Pinterest
- Favorite1
53 comments