So my former boss, who is a close friend has a daughter who is 23. She just got married this weekend to a man who is 63. They are supposedly soulmates and she is really happy...but wow, in not sure about such a big age difference! I asked my boss why she didn't tell me about the wedding and she claimed she didn't want to get side tracked by the planning and coordinating of it. Hm. How big of an age gap is too big? It's not really my business but it has given me a lot to think about just philosophically.
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Wow! That's a lot of years between them!
I think anything under 20 years is okay...
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40 years? That's a little odd in my opinion. I mean, what could you really have in common at that point?
I think 10 years would have been my cut-off personally. I could see 20 or under though.
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For me, personally, anything more than 10 years would be too much. But in general I don't think any age gap is too much as long as both are consenting adults.
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For me over 3 years was too old. The older guys I dated turned me off from dating older men. Forty years would be out of the question.
I have seen peers marry with a 6, 7, 8 year age difference, but they were in the same place in their life such as just graduating college. A couple friends' parents had long marriages eith 15 years age difference.
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that is a big difference! wow! good for them for finding their soul mates though =)
DH & i are only 11 days apart, so i don't know much about big gaps =D i would think being within 15 years would be reasonable for me.
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That's quite a big difference. I think every relationship is different and if it works for them, they should go for it.
That being said when I was dating I was looking for a guy that was no more than 2 years younger than me or 10 years older than me. I personally felt we would not have that much in common if we had a big age gap but that is just how I felt when I was dating which felt like ages ago now that I think about it.
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My husband and I are 16 years apart so I try not to judge, but I'll admit that I'm usually a little wary of large age differences if one party (usually the woman) is pretty young and doesn't have a solid life of her own (like having an education and career). I've dated several (many?) older men (including older than my husband), and power dynamics can be weird if you are not both healthy, self sufficient people. Some older men look for women they can run, some younger women look for older men who care of them. Then, others of us just think old dudes are hot
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I guess it depends on the couple. Personally, I know a couple with a sizable age difference and they are absolutely perfect for each other in every way. On the other hand, my husband and I are only a year apart, and I think we make a pretty great team, too, so...
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@Honeybee:
We are just shy of 11 years and we don't even think of an age gap. It's a total non-issue for us... But obviously violates the arbitrary 10 year gap rule for some.
I can't judge people by the gap in their age, rather by the quality of the relationship... And even there I don't feel like I have the inclination to judge /)
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I think once you hit a certain age, then age differences are really between the couple... if they're compatible, then it's all good in my book!
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I really do believe that you can't help who you fall in love with:)
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@PrincessBaby: me too
DH is 16 years older than me, but there's no doubt we were meant to be together.
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I struggle with that much of an age gap, 40+ years, really?
I think I would say 10-15 years max difference, but two close couple friends of ours are 12 and 16 years apart and you seriously wouldn't know it. Don't look it, don't act different in age and they're perfect and it works for them, so who am I to judge!
DH and I are 8 years apart!
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I don't buy the 20s - 60s gap. Just don't. But as adults I totally get reasonable age gaps. One of my friends dates a guy nearly 15 years older and he has been soooo good for her!
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@Mrs. Jacks: Agreed
DH and I have a 16 year age gap. We have a very strong marriage and our age gap has never been a issue.
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DH and I are 6 years apart (I'm older) and while at first everyone thought we were cray cray, I cannot imagine spending my life with anyone but him! I think age difference is a non issue when it comes to love.
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@Mrs.B: I think it, in fact, strengthened our relationship by making us more cautious going into it and stronger communicators.
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My mum and daddy were 28 years apart (my daddy passed). I believe they were soul mates.
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My parents had a 20 year age difference. I am the youngest of 6 and loved that I had a SAH retired dad.
DH is a few months younger than I. I couldn't imagine marrying someone twice my age. For the simple fact of being in two different places in our lives. But hey if u are happy it should t matter what others think.
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My DH and I are 26 years apart. It may seem like a huge age difference to many but I can't tell you how many people tell us we're a perfect match and I couldn't say that about half of my friends who are married to people their age. I say love is love, period. And we even had one of the highest scores on the test our pastor made us do prior to getting married.
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Whatever works for each couple, it isn't my place to judge. Love is hard enough to find, when it happens in whatever shape or form, run with it!
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I think twice about anything over 20 years but I believe that it can definitely be genuine! My parents are 20 years apart and have been married for 30 years and going strong.
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K, to each their own, really. But definitely not for me. I love my 4-year gap, think we are perfect. I don't think I'm sophisticated enough for a 60-year old, especially when I was in my 20s. I do think 23 is really young, just starting out their lives. I don't think it's a realistic marriage, but if they can make it, good for them!
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To each their own I guess!
The number before I personally do a little double take...maybe 15? I'm really young though (early/mid 20s) so I wouldn't go beyond maybe 5or so years!!
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The oldest I have dated was 3 years older. My husband is 1 year and 2 weeks older than me to the day. I have a friend whos boyfriend (and future husband as soon as he gets the ring) were born on the exact same day, 3 hours apart. I am all for close age gaps. I think we and they make perfect teams. That isn't to say bigger age gaps can't or don't. I am wary of THAT big of one though.
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I've always been attracted to older men. No idea why. When I was 19 I dated a guy who was 15 years older than me, it really didn't work and that was too much of a gap for me. My husband is 6 years older and that seems to be perfect.
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My husband is 5 years older than me. It works for us, I had a friend growing up whose parents were 20 years apart and it worked for them. I really think the age difference matters less as we get older. My husband and I started dating when I was 18 at the time the difference was huge, we couldn't do the same things or hang out with his friends bc I wasn't 21 now the 5 years doesn't matter at all.
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23 and 63 is gross, I'm not even going to pretend like that's OK in my book, lol. I can't even wrap my head around it. I picture Hugh Hefner and some little blond things running around.
That being said, the older I get, the more I "get" the age gap and the wider it gets in my head. It weirds me out when they're soooo much younger that the wife can pass for the guy's daughter and she is obviously NOT the daughter. If you have to ask "is this your girlfriend or your daughter...." it's too much
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@Running Elley: I didn't know your parents are 20 years apart! DH and I are 20 years apart
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My in laws were 30 years apart. It was disastrous, they only stayed together for six years.. MIL is about the same age as my SILs and their relationship is contentious to this day.
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@blackbird: haha yes, that is my opinion as well. 20 and 60 is not okay with me. There can't be enough common interests to make that last.
Me personally I would go up to 10 years at the most.
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My husband is 6.5 years younger than me. When I first met him I dismissed him out of hand as too young. But by 3 years after that he had become one of my closest friends (and then boyfriend) and the age thing wasn't really a thought. I feel like the specific number doesn't really matter, it's about where you are in your lives. And DH and I were in the same place - starting careers (I had gone to grad school and made a switch, he was out of undergrad) and ready to be in a committed relationship leading to marriage.
I feel like adults can live their lives how they please, but I think marrying a man 40 years older than you is not the smartest decision. How is she going to feel in 20 years when she's 43 and he's 83? Is a 63 year old man going to want kids at his age?
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@blackbird: haha...I'm glad you said what I was thinking!!
I do agree that love is love and if they're soulmates they can't help when they were born...but would I ever consider it? No way!!!
In my 20s I would have maybe considered a 10-year gap. I think that gap would continue to expand the older I get. My DH and I are only 6 months apart though and we are more than happy!!
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I definitely think love is love and you cant help who you fall for. However, with such big age gaps I think what matters more is where you are in life. For example, 63 and 23 is likely going to cause problems in the family starting department - I wonder how well their hopes/expectations there match up. Heck at 23 I wasn't even thinking about having kids and may have thought it was NBD is my 63 boyfriend didnt want kids - but now it would be a deal breaker.
For me, I think 20 years would have been my rough cutoff! But truthfully - if it works for people then to each his own!
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FOR ME, age would be a dealbreaker if we were at different phases in our lives. Age is just a number, for the most part, but it would be very difficult for me to be with a much younger man if I were post menopausal and he really wanted children. I couldn't do that to him.
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