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Does she have a getting ready for bed routine before you lay down with her? My son who just turned 4 is very particular with the routine but it works well for us as he falls asleep on his own. If it's a shower night, we'll do PJ's and lotion after, then brush teeth, then read 2-3 books. My husband and I kiss him good-night and then it's lights out, door closed. He's allowed to bring another book into bed with him, though I don't know how he reads it as he only has a dim nightlight in his room when we turn off the light. He also has 3 or 4 "guys" aka stuffed animals he will choose to sleep with. He usually has a white noise machine or fan on so it's not dead quiet in his room. Not sure if any of this will help you!

Can you try seeing if she can earn points towards a special new toy if she tries to fall asleep on her own by herself? My son is big into "earning" things right now.

We have a similar problem. My 3yo goes to bed ok but wakes multiple times in the night needing someone to be in his room. I've successfully made it out if his bed and into the chair in his room but now I'm stuck. Plus, the chair is not a comfortable place to fall asleep!

Can you send your other LO to a different room or maybe Grandma's for a night or two and tough it out? After telling DD that she needs to sleep and you won't be snuggling until morning?

@HappyBaker: my LO is 4 now. She has gone through all the things your described. We decided to just Really put our foot down. We started by explaining to her that one we get through bath, story and prayer she will have to lie down by herself. We would play music and she had a night light we would just say goodnight and leave her. She would whine and call for us, and she still does that sometimes. We just talk to her through the monitor. Every now amd then we go to check on her. Over time of consistently doing that she adjusted to it and instead of calling for us would have conversations with her stuffed animals til she falls asleep

This is my life with my 3 year old! So much commiseration. Good ideas in this thread - I haven't tried a sticker chart yet but I might give it a shot, not sure if she is too young to appreciate it.

Do you think she needs more sleep? It sounds like the max she's getting is 10-10.5 hours and I think for that age 10-12 is normal. Maybe she is just constantly overtired making it more difficult to fall and stay asleep? My LO is also turning 4 in Sept and he will normally sleep from 9 to 7 with about a 2 hour nap. He will sometimes skip his nap but really needs it and sleeps in the following morning.
If you don't think that's the problem I'd start with trying to get her to fall asleep on her own and explaining why it's important to sttn.
Good luck! It sounds like it must be a big struggle for you to get enough sleep.

@happybaker: my DD1 is 4.2y. We have tried to keep the bedtime routine as short as possible -- don't do bath every night (and it's more of an early-evening thing as opposed to right before bedtime), if she is up later than normal, we don't do as many books, etc. So generally the routine is 2 books + 2 songs, but she can trade a book for a song/etc. If you're looking to cut down on time, I'd maybe move part of the reading/her reading back to after dinner?

We have used some combination of a nightlight (Ikea LED one on her nightstand) or some star lights from Target that get plugged in when she goes through one of her "no dark" phases. We also play either a song or white noise on repeat from an old ipod. After all of that is settled, we sing her one song and give her whatever kisses/hugs/snuggles before we leave the room. Some nights she stalls a bit, but I comply a bit before putting my foot down that this is the "last thing".

In the MOTN, maybe 3-4 nights/week, she walks down to our room to ask either DH or I for "snuggles". DH usually falls asleep in there (his choice), but I have been pretty firm about telling her I will do 3 snuggles (or whatever) and then I need to go back to my bed so I can sleep.

I think at this age, they are able to understand and listen to reasoning (even if they don't like it!), so I would just explain whatever the "new rules" are going to be, and then start enforcing them. You could use some new things during the transition (e.g., music, a new light/nightlights, a new doll or toy that is a "special snuggling toy", etc), if you think that might be helpful too.

And clearly by the details of our routine/nights, I think it's just normal for this age to want to be with your parents, stall at bedtime (to some extent), and want snuggles during the night. You just need to find a manageable solution and hope it tapers off a bit!