The other post got me thinking about the things I used to shame people for before I had DS.
I used to give me SIL hell for co-sleeping. "My child is never sleeping in the bed with us, blah blah blah" HA! DS will probably sleep with us untill he's in junior high lol.
I still shame my best friend though for her 3, and 5 year old, not picking up after themselves. After 5 years in retail, parents that let thier kids destroy stuff still makes me crazy. She tells me they're to young. I to,d her Bullshit my 4 year old niece used to vacuum my living room. What did /do you shame parents for?
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I don't shame anyone out loud, but it bothers me when kids are really acting up in public and their parents aren't doing anything to stop them.
Olive had a girl like that in her ballet class. Her mom thought her daughter was cute and just had a big personality, but all the other parents were annoyed by her constantly interupting everyone else.
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Oh god, I used to say how my friends 1-1/2 yr old should be sleeping through the night at that age, and how she should just let him CIO. HA. My 2 year old still doesn't sleep through the night and CIO sucks.
I remember thinking my gf should have her 3 yr old in her own bed all night; my 2 year old is in our bed every night by midnight and not sure when that will change.I laugh at my old self who thought these things.
I do still 'shame' although silently another gf who lets her 9 yr old drink wine.
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Using in appropriate language in front of kids. It's really the only thing that I really have a hard time dismissing because I myself used to use a lot of bad language, but I've taken steps to clean it up.
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I don't shame but I do judge, especially parents who are letting their kids run wild and not even trying to do anything about it. My kids don't always listen either but I try! It also bothers me when parents spank (especially in public and especially of very young children- I've seen people yelling at BABIES.
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I never shame but I silently judge parents who never seem to spend quality time with her kids. Of course, I tell myself I don't really know how much time each parent spends with their children. I do have people in my life who seem to constantly have their kids at daycare, babysitter, grandma/grandpa's so they can do 'adult' things. I get we all need adult time alone, but common, everyday?
I am trying to get better at this, since I know it's none on my business!
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People using car seats inappropriately. Like, my friend has a daughter the same age as my youngest (6 months) and while she is RF, the straps are too high and she never puts the chest clip where it's supposed to go. I've mentioned it but she keeps doing it. Or another friend who turned her kid FF at 9 months because he got a convertible seat and met the weight minimum.
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I totally judge parents who let their kids ride bikes/scooters without helmets. It's so dumb. No excuses.
Then there are some personal choice things that I give side-eye to when it comes to diet (like candy), discipline, and navigating illness (not respecting illness policies) ...
Before kids, I was really clueless, so honestly, I don't think I judged any parenting things at that point. Either way, parenting humbles the shit out of you. It's a lot harder to judge others when you know how hard it is.
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I judge for parents not spending time with their kids and leaving them with grandma or a babysitter most of the day and all weekend while the parents go out and have fun.
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@josina: Is your friend European? I feel like that's a European thing...
I wouldn't say I shamed, but did a lot of "When I have a baby I will never..." and then I did all of those things when DD came along. Co-slept, gave her some formula, and let baby gear take over my entire house, to name just a few...
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I don't shame but I do judge. I try not to judge strangers because I don't know their situations so it's mostly people that I actually know. Like, there is one family who always shows up to our extended family events and lets their 4 year old just run around getting into all sorts of trouble and they just assume someone is watching her. Since our 3 year old likes to play with her, it's usually me and DH keeping her out of trouble and it drives us crazy because she is way more out of control than our own kid. We also judge when parents just let their kids talk back or say nasty things and the parents don't even comment.
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Oh yeah I do judge parents who put the car seat on top of the cart but I also think maybe they somehow haven't heard it's dangerous?
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I judge parents who buy organic junk food... What is the point of organic powdered cheese boxed mac and organic lollipops? Especially when they are super condescending about their choice to buy only organic. I buy pretty much zero organic for budget reasons but I do try to feed my kids healthy, minimally processed stuff
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I side eye anyone who smokes in the car with their kids. Also anyone who won't take their kid to the doctor and tries to treat every illness with garlic drops, breastmilk, and essential oils.
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I used to silently judge and probably stare at parents who take their unruly children to places where an average person would not expect to hear/ see a commotion especially when the parent does not try to mitigate the noise/ aggravation. However, I have come to realize having another person stay home with your child(ren) while you run errands is a luxury. Two parents at a restaurant though with unruly kids there's no excuse.
ETA: I judge candy/ junk food and soda/ high fructose drinks for little people. An IL posted her 9 mos old eating an Easter lollipop. They better back off my kid at the reunion!
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@caterw: Omg yes, I didn't think of this before but I judge this so bad. We have a daycare mom friend who gives her kid organic gummy bears, lollipops, or cookies every day on the way home from daycare and she often tries to give them to my DD too (who otherwise happily eats cut up veggies and cheese). When I tell the mom no thanks, she will often launch into how they are healthy because they have fruit juice and not much sugar. Ugh.
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@catlady: yes! Two of my super close mom friends are like this and it makes me INSANE. Please do not give my child organic potato chips because they are "healthy" when she would be perfectly happy with a conventional apple. I have actually brought this up with them and it does not seem to resonate.
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Not having a bed time. I did this pre-kids and still do! It's just annoying to not have any adult time at all because kids are allowed to stay up past 9/10. Our rule is they don't have to sleep but they have to stay in their rooms!
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@IRunForFun: Nope, not European.
I shouldn't say shame, judge is better, but I would never say anything to her as who knows what I'll allow when my kids are older.
@avivoca: I had a friend do this too, her 9 mo. old was already forward facing AND the straps were obviously LOOSE. I let her know it was illegal but she didn't fix it either. -
@mrs. pickle same, I definitely give the side eye to alternative medicine parents.
People yelling at really young kids/inappropriate discipline really bothers me.
Especially when it's like a meltdown time - like you have a toddler out at 9pm, what do you expect... sigh. Also... I am a little judgey of people who give really young kids (like 1 year olds) sweets and junky stuff. (Like my cousin who feeds her 5 month old cookies. WTF!) I think because I have a kid this age (19 months) and he doesn't know what lollipops and cake etc. are - so why would I give it to him? I dunno. @mrslemonlime saw you just posted the same thing!
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@littlejoy: i didn't think i had any set thing, but kids on bikes/scooters/bike seats without helmets really drives me crazy. i've seriously asked DH if it would be inappropriate to anonymously send a helmet to a family i know who NEVER has a helmet on their baby in a bike seat. and they ride bikes all the time.
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@littlejoy: @birdofafeather: that's me!! Of course that's also pretty much every other parent at our neighborhood park so I don't think it's a huge deal. I might be more strict about it when they're riding a bike but with a scooter I stopped battling dd about it, knowing my friends and I didn't wear them as kids either.
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There's not a lot that I can think of, except bringing babies and young kids to late movies that are R rated. Just...why?
I will never forget that I saw There Will be Blood at a 10 pm showing and after I sat down in the full theater, a family came in with a toddler and a 3-4 year old. The toddler ran around the cramped aisle, and the 4 year old kept crying at all the gunshots. I could't believe parents brought them.
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I would never say anything, but I know I can be quite judgey at times. The thing that has bothered me most recently is parents who don't seem to care that their kids have no manners. Our nieces and nephews never say thank you and it really bothers me.
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Parents that text and drive. I don't know how many times I come up on a car and see kids in the back seat, only to look at the mom/dad driving and see that they're texting.
Believe it or not, I see this way more with women than men! -
@SugarMaple: I forgot about this one, I silently shame people about this to. A girl I know had a little boy and I swear the very next weekend the baby was her moms and she was out partying. To put it in context she was 19 at the time.
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@Mrs. Pickle: oh man, I don't side eye, I give those people the dirtiest look on earth, especially considering it's now illegal in Texas. I smoked for 10 years before I quit and I would never of smoked around a child. I've been around smoker all my life and have watched many children end up with asthma and other health problems becuase of it. This one is a soap box issue to me.
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@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: this! Me and DH have never taken DS (16mo) into a sit down restaurant because I know he'll act crazy. Other people don't want to hear your child screaming when they're trying to eat thier meal lol. I feel it's just a curtesy thing. It drove me crazy pre parent days and still does.
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@Anagram: I've dealt with this, I'm not even going to lie I got up and got a manager(10pm showing also)and you could tell everybody was super annoyed, hey I paid 10$ I would like to at least be able to hear the movie. they were asked politely to leave.
I forgot one. People that let thier young children listen to hard core hip hop. I love hip hop but you can bet once DS is old enough to understand, we'll be listening to kids bop or something lol. I'll just have to jam my drake with my head phones in.
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I had a misunderstanding with a friend when I was pregnant, when I was going to babysit her 9 month old, and I asked what to use to wipe her off with after dinner. She told me to use the clorox bleach wipes, and my jaw dropped. She thought I meant the table, not the baby, hahaha!
But for real, I gave a dirty look to a mom who gave her 2-3 year old not one, but TWO can of red bull while waiting to board a 2 hour flight at 6am. The poor kid went totally sugar/caffeine crazy on the plane, disturbing everyone, and I had a 4 month old I wanted to sleep! Who gives a kid that age red bull at all, let alone 2 cans at 5:30am before he has to sit in a confined space for 2 hours?!
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Car seat safety, people who take their young kids to R-rated movies, and people who feed rice cereal to their kids before 4 months to get them to "sleep better".....
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@littlejoy: I even get on to my husband about making sure he wears a helmet even if he's just testing out something he fixed or making sure everything is hooked back up after washing the bike. Our kids are watching and if they have to wear a helmet every time they so much as touch the bike, we need to model that too.
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@Jackiedavis87: I will admit that I used to (silently) judge parents for handing over the ipad in restaurants. Then I had a kid. Hahaha. Hahahahahahaha.
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@Mrs. Pickle: This made me laugh. My son needed ear tubes and I had people suggesting essential oils and b-milk. I was like ....
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I didn't "shame" anyone but I did think it was odd when a father at Target was giving his infant popcorn. Then again, it's his kid so not my place to shame.
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@Mrs. Pickle: Our doctor is an MD, but VERY natural leaning ... it drives me crazy when we go in and she suggests honey and essential oils for allergies. I mean, sure, they probably help, but there's gotta be *something* a 3 year old can have.
She suggested cutting out gluten to solve our sleep issues. GAH! She is a great doc, but those little things are so weird to me. Also, I'm in an EO group on FB, and a mom was reported to authorities for admitting she was withholding medical treatment for her child's cancer, and trying to treat with EO instead. That story is super triggering (and extreme), but really, I couldn't believe it. That's the definition of neglect!!
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I try not to "shame" anyone aloud, but I do give side-eye to parents who don't follow-through. Like if your kid is being disruptive and you tell them they can't have whatever if they continue to do it, then they continue to do it and you give them whatever you told them they couldn't have. Why even bother??
I also kind of wonder why people stress out about how much their kid is eating, especially if they are at a perfectly good percentile for weight (specifically older toddlers and beyond, not babies - I get baby eating stress)! My husband is guilty of this. He's always trying to get the kids to eat "one more bite" or whatever, and I'm like "Why fight it? If they are hungry, they'll eat!"
And of course, car seat safety! That one is huge to me, so I'm silently judging people all the time for this one...
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I try not to shame but I did adjust a friend's baby's car seat strap once. It was all messed up but then I felt like a total bitch for doing it.
I did shame a stranger on social media that I saw on the highway with someone holding and bouncing their baby in the back seat going 70 mph.
So I guess car seat safety is my answer. -
I used to judge kids being on leashes. I still haven't done it but with a spirited toddler I totally appreciate why it works for some parents.
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Car seat safety is my biggest one. I can't handle the idea that turning your kid around because of convenience trumps safety.
Also, smoking around kids in general.
Parent's who act in public like they love their kids, but ignore them when no one is watching. My DH's boss is like this and it makes me physically ill.
I feel like most of the time, I am of the camp, you do you, but I hate when kids are being put in potentially dangerous situations or being emotionally abused.
I shouldn't say shame, judge is better, but I would never say anything to her as who knows what I'll allow when my kids are older.
Especially when it's like a meltdown time - like you have a toddler out at 9pm, what do you expect... sigh. 
She suggested cutting out gluten to solve our sleep issues. GAH! She is a great doc, but those little things are so weird to me. Subscribe to our newsletter
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