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@kjpugs: I'm not adopted but this was very touching to read! I do know someone personally who had a totally closed adoption but was able to find their birth mother, I think with a special attorney? I'm not sure if that would be an option for you but I hope you are able to find her if you ever decide to!

@kjpugs: Unfortunately I am not in touch with her anymore (she is my ex-stepmother) but I will ask my dad what he remembers! Come to think of it, I think it was more of a private investigator? Definitely $$$...

@kjpugs: I know that she didn't have a name. She actually found someone who they thought could be her birth mother but they did a DNA test & it wasn't. She was adopted through Catholic Charities though so I think that helped the person she was working with in the search. Her birth mother was also looking for her when they finally found her.

I was adopted!

I was 3 months old (in foster care beforehand). My birth mom was 16 when she had me (and she died at 19) I knew my whole life, so it wasn't a surprise. I have met her family and I've met my birth father and his family. It was, and is, a really weird experience.

I have the greatest parents/family in the world and I'm so thankful for them.

Being pregnant was really weird, as I couldn't ask my mom about her experiences, although, I feel like it brought us even closer cause she was so interested in the "process" as it was new to her too!

Being a mom, and having a son who looks just like me, is also very....well, strange to me! It's so neat to have a blood relation.

@ValentineMommy: Just wanted to say I love your story. Thanks for sharing.

@Raindrop: Thanks!! I am definitely blessed for the life my birth mother "gave" me by giving me up.

@kjpugs: anytime!

Mine was also a closed adoption, but when my birthmother was killed (in a car accident), her family gave the adoption agency a book of poetry my mother had written through her teen years. One of her relatives wrote a forward in the book and signed it. I looked up her name, and only found one in the phone book. Called it - and it was her! Met them a few weeks later. Very surreal.

I love your way of thinking about the whole thing.

Not adopted but my dad was and all he knew was he was born in Germany and his birth mom was Germany and he knew her name. He was adopted at the age of 3 and in an orphanage before being adopted by his parent who where stationed in Germany and he also has an adopted sister who was adopted from another part of Germany but the crazy thing is they actual look like blood brother and sister. A lot of people tell me I look like her a little and I just go with it.

Also DH had an adopted daughter with his ex but he doesn't get to see her anymore because once I got pregnant with my son there was a big mess and she wouldn't let her come over anymore and DH say next year he'll look into getting a lawyer because this year we spent a lot of money on the house, cars, and baby. I feel bad for her though because she's only 6 and don't understand why she can't come over anymore.

@kjpugs: I was adopted. I will come back and share my experience here a bit later.

@Honeygold89: Your story is so fascinating. It sounds like your DH had a great childhood and he seems like such a loving guy to have adopted his daughter. I hope he gets to see her soon! Please be sure he does his best to keep in contact, though. Also, check with your county's legal aid if you can't afford an attorney. I'd hate for him to have legal issues when he does decide to pursue custody of his daughter. I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!!!

@Honeygold89: Best of luck, lady!!

@TemperanceBrennan: I would prefer a closed adoption, personally. I feel like an open adoption is super confusing for the child. But, every situation is different. For me, I grew up knowing my "story". I knew I was given up because my birthmom was so young and couldn't care for me. I knew when she died (the agency contacted my parents and told them). I had a medical history of both families provided with my adoption. I knew my birth father had a troubled past, though I didn't know what until years later. So, I had a lot of information, moreso than most.

I know this thread is old so I hope it's okay that I bump it!

I was adopted at 4 days old through a private, closed adoption. My mother was 16 when she had me. I think being adopted has totally defined who I am and is such a huge part of my life... my adoptive mom was actually adopted as well so she always understood my feelings on it and my parents raised me to be very well adjusted about the whole thing. they actually found my biomom for me when i was 17... and then my biomom found my biodad when i was 18. so i have relationships with both (i'm actually seeing my biodad for dinner tonight) and i'm just so grateful for the way life turned out for me. it gets complicated, for sure, and i have complex feelings about and towards both of them and their extended families. but for the most part i'm very blessed. it does make my desire for biological children very strong though.

@kjpugs: I'm Canadian so not sure if this is helpful... but Canada has a registry for closed adoptions. so you can put your name and info on a list and if your biological mom has done the same, they will connect you. Does IL have something like that? This thread is months old so maybe you have decided not to look into it anymore.

@TemperanceBrennan: just to add my two cents... i think there is definite merit in open adoption. but i am SO grateful my adoption was closed. i had an amazing childhood, despite my longing to know about my biological family, and i think adding them to mix would have complicated things for me - especially knowing the type of people they are. one of my biological sisters actually gave a daughter up for adoption and theirs is open... i think it's really messy and unhealthy and i don't necessarily think, in their case, it is in the best interest of the child. i'm sure some people make it work and it's great for all involved... but i know it wouldn't have been good for me.