I'm really struggling today. We still haven't heard what elementary school will look like in the fall, my job is being unreasonable, my previously controlled anxiety is through the roof, and I can't stop crying. Since misery loves company...how are you?
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HI! Right there! School is going back full time, which I'm totally fine with and have prepared myself mentally for but they just pushed back the start date a week. Leaving us without childcare for that week. Yes, we are super privileged to be able to WFH but it's really hard to do that while entertaining a 7 and 5 yo without just flipping a screen at them, which I can't do b/c the older one gets crazy migraines with too much screen time. Work has not slowed down one iota. I think it's actually sped up and I'm usually on calls most of the day. DH is billable so that poses another challenge in regards to how he has to structure his day. All in all I feel like I'm just a huge ball of stress with no release but feel bad for complaining bc when I think about it...I have it so much easier than many others.
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Both kids went back to daycare at the start of July. I think I’ve blocked out the months prior, because I can barely remember the details. But definitely do still remember crying on the phone with my boss a couple of times. It was not easy!
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Yes. Things are fine at home but I am so hopeless about the state of the US response. We had so many opportunities to launch a coordinated response and we didn’t. I miss my family across the country, and it looks like I won’t see them for at least another year. I can’t stop crying. It just seem so unfair.
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@Miss Ariel: it's so hard! And I have a pretty easy kid! @Mommy Finger: I'm sorry you're struggling too. We're not meant to work and parent full time!
@JJ2626: I know. It's so frustrating that it didn't have to be this way. It's so hard to see leaders and people in my local community ignoring science, not taking steps to protect others, and generally being selfish. I feel like there's nothing more I can do as an individual and that I'm dependent on a bunch of people who just don't care. -
Yes, I’m having a really hard week. I feel like my fuse is so short and I’m doing nothing but yelling at my kids. My 2 year old is pushing ALL of my buttons. DH and I got into a fight yesterday and we rarely argue. I feel like I’m still mourning the loss of our normal life. This summer has been fine and felt somewhat more normal but I’m dreading the fall. DS is starting kindergarten this fall and i still don’t know what that will look like and I’m SO SAD for him, even though I know he’ll take it in stride. I’m worried about every decision we make. I know we’re in a much more fortunate position than a lot of people and i remind myself of that a lot, but for whatever reason things are really just hitting me this week.
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I can commiserate! I’m a teacher so I both don’t know what my job is going to look like or my older kid’s school and the younger one’s childcare is in part provided by my parents which can’t really happen right now and we don’t know how to make it work. That would just be stressful but my DH and I are not getting along and fighting whenever we try to figure anything out and so that makes it miserable.
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Right here with you. Hugs. I'm in NYC and have no idea what will happen with school. Right now we're told it will be one day a week, and may not even start in September. Anyone who's also in NYC, or has seen our case numbers, will understand how absurd this is. I'd walk out of here with just the clothes on my back if it meant the kids could go to school. Or use my retirement savings to pay for whatever private school is open - it's not like I'm going to see retirement if this keeps up. Unfortunately there's also a husband problem: he thinks this is fine, so all of the solutions I propose are getting shot down.
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Yes! We found out recently that DS's school will be remote and my district is going back in-person (sort of, long story, but I'm expected to be there). We had a nanny share set up to start for DD, but one of the parents from the share lost his job, so they pulled out just a week before we were supposed to start. As a temporary solution, we have asked the nanny to stay on with just us to watch DD and help with DS's remote learning, but it's way out of our budget. I actually asked my parents for financial help, which I really hate. And I know we're super lucky that they can help us, but it's not a long-term solution, and I just hate being put in a position by life/school districts/government/stupid covid that I'm 40 and have to ask my parents for money. We'll have to figure out something else soon-ish. I hope we can keep the nanny and find a new family to share with, but I'm concerned that she won't be able to effectively care for 2 babies and also help DS, assuming we can find a family with only one kid who wants to share with us. I'm usually pretty good at transitions and uncertainty, but it's finally hitting me and I"m super stressed out. My school district changed it's entire plan just today, and I know it will change again before school starts. And DS is starting remote, but he may get a spot if they can go in-person starting in October, but we have no idea how many days a week or what that might look like.
Plus DH is driving me crazy not pulling his own weight and my parents are trying to see us as much as possible before we have to social distance again once I'm back at work. We've seen them almost every day for two weeks now and it's starting to wear on me. -
Yes! It’s all been so hard. I’m a teacher so I’m stressed about the fall. Our district is virtual for the time being and I’m relieved, but there’s been a lot of anger directed at us (the teachers) which is disheartening. I’ll still be going into school, but luckily my husband can work from home with our school aged child.
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Yes, to all the things. I definitely feel like a jerk sometimes complaining because DH and I have very accommodating employers who have kept us at home and will continue to keep us at home through the end of the year at minimum and give us full flexibility to get work done as we need to and take care of our kid, and we only have one kid who isn't very high maintenance. But I'm a strong introvert who hasn't had any alone time in months, my brain is consistently scattered and I can't do anything "deep" like reading, learning or work projects that require real thinking. I'm constantly tired and probably the biggest thing of all is that I'm just so mad at the US for f'ing this whole thing up. It means we won't see our families for who knows how long now, we don't feel safe seeing friends, and I wish I could do something to help all those being pushed into the fray, like teachers and essential workers. It all sucks.
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Count me in! School is starting back fully virtual at the end of August. My daughter definitely needs some kind of support, but we haven't yet finalized our learning pod / babysitter / whatever plans yet for that. She had a really tough time with virtual learning in the spring, so I'm not looking forward to it in general, and not having plans finalized gives me anxiety, although I do have a few possible options.
And as if this year hasn't sucked enough, I'm dealing with a possible serious health diagnosis from out of the blue. I've had a few different series of tests so far, and each one leads to more testing. I had a consultation with a specialist on Wednesday, and the odds she estimated were a lot less positive than I'd hoped. I need more testing to know for sure, but I can't get anyone from her office to call me back and schedule my next appointment. So in the meantime, I'm mulling over this possible diagnosis and not sleeping... and working from home and trying to figure out our future childcare situation... Which, if this diagnosis turns out to be true, the childcare may not even matter, because we may have to totally isolate anyway...
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This week has been miserable. For a variety of reasons. @Dahlia: "I feel like there's nothing more I can do as an individual and that I'm dependent on a bunch of people who just don't care." <- this is one of the things I am really having trouble with. We are making so many choices that are hard, but responsible. And I am so sick of seeing people (including some family members) make irresponsible choices. Or hearing people who seem to think science isn't a thing. It's maddening.
I'm also having a lot of anxiety about school for DD, who will be starting kindergarten. Our state will be giving counties a color rating - green means in person, yellow means hybrid, red means completely online. The first rating will come out today and be updated every two weeks. So even when we see what color we are today, it might not mean anything a month from now when school should be starting. And our district sent out a survey that wants to know who will be opting for remote learning even if we are green or yellow. But they've shared nothing about remote learning, what the hybrid option would be, or what would be happening if we are fully back. I don't know how we are supposed to pick when we have no details. I mean it will be hard to pick no matter what, but just seems impossible to pick without information.
Also work has been a mess for DH - he's working 60+ hours a week, his days of are constantly changing, and he was turned down for a promotion but is being asked to do the role until the new person can start in two weeks. So he's a grumpy mess whenever he is home. DD has been acting out like crazy, which I think is connected to DH's mood.
I also realize I have it so "easy" compared to most which makes me feel guilty and like I am a failure for having trouble. Which seems to mess with my anxiety and it feels like I'm just going in constant circles.
Sorry for everyone who is struggling. This are weird times. We are all doing the best we can.
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@krispi: Oh I'm so sorry. That sounds impossible.
Lots of fellow teachers on here. And several of us with kids starting kindergarten. Like @LadyDi: I'm so sad that my kid's kindergarten year is going to be a total mess. She's so excited, but I don't even know if she'll get to go. I know she'll be fine in the long run and doesn't even really know what kindergarten is supposed to be like, but it makes me really sad.
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I'm sorry you're having a rough time! I commiserate!
I had a horrible March and April, then with some therapy, a pregnancy that continued to survive, and a brief cooling off of the pandemic, I felt better in May and June.
Now, with the country in full insanity mode, the thought of students returning to all the universities and colleges around us, DH potentially going back to teaching in person, and our school district announcing a 2-day in person 3-day from home hybrid plan for September, I'm freaking right out again. I read an article about a seeming connection between covid and increased miscarriage/stillbirth risk. My anxiety is ratcheting up again.
We've decided to homescool DS for the fall semester, but that just throws a bunch of scheduling and childcare puzzles into the air. Everything is really complicated right now.
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@Dahlia: Yes, you nailed it. I blame the government (trump) first for this disaster of a situation, and second the fools who think this is overblown and who refuse to socially distance, wear masks, stay home, etc. That’s why everyone - but especially parents and especially-especially working moms - have so much on their plates right now it’s unbearable.
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@Dahlia: another teacher with a should be kindergarten! It’s all so hard.
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Struggling so hard tonight. Just got news that my daughters school will be fully remote for kindergarten. They had a great half day plan in place that I was comfortable with and she was so excited to go to school. I know it’s for the best, but I just mourn that loss of kindergarten experience for her. We had planned on sending my 3 yo to preschool 2 days/week but now that my other daughter will be remote we’ve decided to pull my 3 yo from school as well to minimize exposure. Oh and I’m due in 2 weeks so the bonding time I had planned on having with my last baby will instead be filled with trying to teach my kindergartener while making sure my 3 yo gets enough attention and balancing that all with a newborn. I know people have it much worse and I’m lucky to be able to work from home through all this, but dang this sucks so much...
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