I'm an AMA mama & it took us almost 1yr to conceive DD, so that is at least half of my driving force in trying to accept we are probably one & done, but I do have other personal feelings about how this is probably the right choice for us, too. I'm not 100% convinced of my feelings, but I have been selling off the larger baby items we had for DD & while I was fine with clearing that stuff out a little at a time, I find myself today feeling sad & a bit regretful about only ntnp & wasting time that we could've conceived a 2nd baby. I learned today in a play group that one mama is having twins (which will give them 4 under 4!), another mama whose LO is my DD's age is newly pregnant, and a family member is expecting. I didn't expect to be so envious, but I had to fight back a tear & lump in my throat. I guess I'm just venting, but curious how other mamas have felt about "just" having one when other families around you are growing--and sometimes quickly. Our LO is the light of our lives & all we could've asked for in a child, but part of me does want to be pregnant again & have a sibling for her. 
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We've struggled a bit with this decision but in regards to situations where I've found out people are pregnant with LOs around the same age as DS, the exact thought that went through my head was "omg I'm so happy it's not me"....that sort of gave me a clue that we were making the right decision
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Sometimes I wish we had a sibling for our LO. We think she would be an amazing sister. Unfortunately it's just not in the cards for us and I really think it wouldn't make as big of a difference anymore because of what the age difference would be at this point (almost 6 years). Do I regret not having another sometimes? Sure. I can't change it and won't. I'm turning 40 this year. I don't want to have another kid at 40. We'll be okay. Through the years I've cried and felt the pain, wishing I could have had another. But I've come to terms with it.
The only thing that really bothers me anymore is when people who were sooooo sure they were one and done and they go off and have a second or third.
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I was an AMA mama twice. I never considered one and done once we had our first. There were many reasons for my desire to have a second. And I didn't let being AMA stop me. I just wish life happened differently. Unfortunately I met DH when was almost 34. We married when I was 35. So time was never on our side.
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@Portboston: yeah, I think it's been that initial reaction of jealousy that is throwing my more logical thoughts off balance. I was feeling like I wished I could share an announcement of my own.
@mediagirl: I've felt like our DD's cousins & friends at her activities (& eventually school) can be important peers, making me feel better about her missing out on a sibling relationship, but that is one of my sources of guilt if we only have her.
@MamaG: well, I'm trying not to focus on my age, but I didn't have DD until I was 41, so I feel like she was all the miracle I can even ask for. Lol! I feel like I'll need to draw a line somewhere with regard to my age. -
@GoGoSnoGirl: agreed. I drew my line and we just barely made it. I hope you find comfort in your decision.
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No regrets. My kid is 6 and I am almost 42.
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I'm in a similar situation, but I can't bring myself to say I'm finally "done". There are lots of reasons I don't want another right now, including age and some slight health considerations that would make pregnancy difficult, but not impossible.
My husband is fine with one, and most of the time I am too, but I have trouble making that decision final. One thing that helps is that we've left the door open to possibly considering other ways to expand our family (like fostering or adoption) if we begin to have regrets down the road. Right now, we're just taking it one step at a time and not planning any pregnancies.
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Same as @MamaG: I met DH at 34, married at 36, DD late 36. I always wanted 2 so my age didn't factor into my decision to go for 2 or not. I do think though AMA made it harder for me to get pregnant the second time (which I ultimately had DS 1 month before turning 40 so got pregnant at 39). DS was born with a heart defect (vsd, very normal and under control) but still could possibly be attributed to AMA
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@GoGoSnoGirl: Similar mixed feelings as you .. we are one and done (DS is 18 months) for a whole host of reasons but I do feel a bit sad each and every time another friend announces a second pregnancy (I have no sad feelings over first pregnancy announcements!). I think for me it's more about feeling left out of this whole "second wave" of pregnancies among just about everyone I know ... and also I feel like time is flying and it really is sad to me that I will never have a newborn again. :'(
All that said, I actually dont want multiple kids, but my weird emotions are still there!
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@krispi: yes, we too have discussed expanding our family in other ways, though I quite enjoyed pregnancy, so it wouldn't fulfill all the feelings of longing.
@wrkbrk: totally get all that, mama! -
I'm good. We had LO with the thought we would just have one so I feel like we are appreciating and noticing first and last moments along the way-cherishing and documenting. I like to analyze, decide and then implement so not too much second guessing with me. Brief fleeting moments of what if but overall secure it was just right for us.
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Hey, another AMA mamma here, on the fence about LO2. Really I'm on the fence emotionally and my head is trying to talk my heart into one-and-done... I don't get misty-eyed at pregnancy or the newborn stage (too recent!
) as much as I do about DS not having a sibling.DS is 8 months and I'm 41. He was conceived through IVF/ICSI -- first try, beginner's luck!? Like others here, we met and married in our mid to late 30s and didn't jump on baby-making right away. When we did, we discovered DH's MFI (and whatever more subclinical IF challenges my AMA body added in).
Pre-IF, we always said 1-2...and I prayed for twins when the RE transferred 2 embies. But just one made it and it was meant to be. I had a healthy pregnancy and have a perfectly healthy LO...we are overjoyed with our little guy!!!
If we were serious about LO2, I'd have to wean now, wait for my cycle to return and prep for a fresh transfer around the time LO1 is one year. Financial stuff aside (which is huge!), IVF was so physically and emotionally hard on me last time that I don't think I want to go through it again. I have fallen over the statistical age cliff so it would be even harder to conceive and DH wouldn't want us to use donor egg and sperm at this point.
Recently we talked about adoption...and, after talking about it, I'm much more open to it than I thought originally I was. However, DH pointed out (and I think he's right) that it would be expensive and emotionally taxing whether it were adoption or IVF.
I just wish it could happen naturally... For now, I'm just going to continue breastfeeding until at least one year because we enjoy it and once that's over, it's over.
) as much as I do about DS not having a sibling.
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