Hellobee Boards

DH has a hard time showing joy. When I told him I was pregnant, he said "Congratulations!" and I thought it was really odd since it's his kid too.

But we've had three losses, so it's stressful, and I know he worries.

DH is very guarded about pregnancy. He doesn't get excited until about the halfway mark.

To add a different perspective, I'm 6.5 weeks pregnant with our 2nd who we've been very specifically trying for (IVF). My husband is over the moon and has wanted another since our first was a newborn (which I don't understand because we were both pretty miserable).
I, on the other hand, am still processing it all and pretty terrified. I've spent a whole day crying - prob a lot of hormones but also a lot of fear. We obviously tried for this and I do want it but I'm having a hard time getting excited to have a baby (12m and under was super hard for me) again. Im enjoying my time with my toddler so much and I'm sort of like "why did we do this again?"
All this to say, ultimately I am happy and I will be happy and love the baby, obviously. But I have a lot of fears and concerns and anxiety that are sort of overriding the happiness and excitement right now. I'm also feeling like hot garbage lately so that could be a big part. I'm thinking that once I can comfortably share the news with my toddler and see his excitement, when I am showing, when I can feel the baby moving, etc I'll feel more connected and excited.
When I do think about the new baby as more of a toddler I get more excited. Because I enjoy toddlerhood way more than infant/newborn. So I often remind myself that he won't be a baby forever. If your husband doesn't love the baby stage that might be a good reminder. Like "oh when they're both older won't it be so much fun?" That's what I do.

I say this because it could be a lot of the same stuff your husband is feeling, ESPECIALLY if it was a surprise. Just sort of nervous and scared and because these babies are the size of a lentil or whatever right now it's hard to feel the excitement just yet. Especially when he's not feeling the physical reminders we are feeling that yes, we are in fact pregnant.

My husband just does not display huge emotions so I don't think I ever expect him to be like overjoyed/super duper excited; our 2nd was a surprise too (about half a year before we were gonna TTC). I def found myself asking him if he's happy a few times just to make sure since he can be so stoic sometimes!

DH never showed that he wasn't happy
But I know I sure went from excited to scared.to what did we do a few times

Normal!

@StrawberryShortie: we were trying (albeit sort of casually, and not really expecting it to work at least not quickly!) and this is our third, and *I'm* only starting to get attached at 17 weeks. Im very guarded about it in the beginning. Dh understands anything could happen but so far he's happy but I wouldn't say super joyous or excited just yet. After our anatomy ultrasound we will get more excited. It's just a lot of risk and uncertainty in the beginning plus it doesn't physically feel any different for your dh. Give him a little time and let him in on all the pregnancy milestones.

@StrawberryShortie: I can understand that!!! I struggled for DD for years so when I got PG with D'S I was elated, but feelings are real and I definitely felt it, my heart wasn't my own anymore DD was my world!

Have you talked to him about it at all?

Last pregnancy, I ended up finally telling DH how worried I was (it was after a 2nd tri loss) and I told him that I needed him to show some excitement to help me get more excited.

And I do the same when it comes to announcing. My mom isn't one to be all over the moon excited, so I also tell a few of my friends right away who I know 1. won't tell a ton of other people, 2. will be SO excited, and 3. will be supportive no matter what happens.

But even if he's not outwardly excited, it helps to sometimes talk to DH about what we're each feeling and who he's told just so that we can talk about the baby a bit without just focusing on the stressful parts.

My husband is very guarded. I'm 15w now and he'll still say stuff like "maybe, someday we'll have a baby" and be very cautious about the possibility that things go wrong. We've had two losses TTC for #1 though, so this is just his experience. I don't think it was real at all for him first tri, but seeing the baby wiggle all over the place at the NT scan I think has made it a lot more real, and he'll actually refer to "the baby" now

So before I got pregnant with our oldest I had an early miscarriage. When I told DH that it was happening his response was something along the lines of what a relief. Not exactly the reaction that I was looking for! We have 3 kids and he was never overly enthusiastic, more cautious until we could announce but is a great dad. Sorry he is not responding the way you would like. It is really hard. I hope he comes around soon. And congrats!