Are you disappointed with your parents (aka the grandparents) ?

I have a pretty complex family. My dad got re-married, my mom is divorced and then there are my in-laws. (I won't even start explaining my family tree! ha)

Anyway... I'm the 3rd of 4 girls and the first to have had a child. I knew my parents and in-laws were excited when I announced I was pregnant with Mavrick (my first) but to be honest, I have to admit out of everyone, I am the most disappointed with how my dad is.

I'm my dads favorite (I"m not kidding) so I think the fact that he rarely plays with my son, and always seems like hes bothering my dads 'habits' is so disappointing.

Like for example, sunday, we had a family lunch. Mavrick wanted to put some music (because he loves to dance) and my dad was like 'turn the music off' I mean... really?!

My dad and step-mom NEVER babysat my son and he's 21 months old, yet they take care of my niece 200 times more. It just breaks my heart because Mavrick is SUCH a loving kid. It pains me even more that he seems to be attached to my next door neighbor (who is a little older than my dad) than his own grandfather.

I just can't help but feel so sad, that my dad is a miserable man. Are you disappointed with your parents or a parent?

oliviaoblivia
pineapple / 12793 posts

Mar 27, 2012

I'm sorry you (and Mavrick) are having to deal with this. Have you talked to your father about it?
Andrea
GOLD / wonderful coffee bean / 18478 posts

Mar 27, 2012

Yes. I feel like it's not a nice thing to say but I am. I understand how you feel.

DH's parents are divorced and the dad remarried so all the attention goes to his step-kids and step-grandkids. The mom is so-so but can't even spend 5 minutes playing with the LO when she visits from Florida. She sits there working on her crossword puzzles while the LO plays by herself. This is during a 2 day visit. I mean come on.

My parents have done a lot more for us but they are still so focused on work (even though they don't have to financially). They always complain that they are missing out on their potentially one and only grandchild, since I am an only child, and yet they don't come to visit more because they "need" to work.

So all in all, I am really disappointed in everyone's priorities but what can ya do?
Mrs. Sunglasses
GOLD / pomelo / 5167 posts

Mar 27, 2012

@oliviaoblivia: I think my mom told my step-mom indirectly that I was disappointed. Honestly I don't know if I would be able to have the talk with my dad about it. Just typing this my eyes are getting all teary.

Honestly, it breaks my heart so much. not for me but for my son. I figured maybe this "stage" is still not one my dad is comfortable with, and maybe when Mavrick is 3 he will do activities with him, but that's me expecting the best.

I'm just scared that the bond will never really be there.
Mrs. Sunglasses
GOLD / pomelo / 5167 posts

Mar 27, 2012

@Andrea: Ah Andrea... that really sucks. I'm sorry you have to go through this too. I think what kills me the most is that you always look up to your parents. (I've always seen my dad as my hero) and the fact that he's disappointing me makes me rethink all of that.

I mean, my FIL who has cancer and has all kinds of treatments finds a way to bond with my son more than my dad (who sees him every second week)
chopsuey
hostess / wonderful honeydew / 32460 posts

Mar 27, 2012

That sucks! Your dad had 4 girls, right? Maybe he's just not used to having a little boy around..? So odd though. You'd think he'd LOVE having a boy in the family.
My LO is the first grandchild on my side, so parents are crazy about her. LO is the 3rd granddaughter on DH's side, so the in laws aren't as crazy as my parents are, but they love her lots and give her lots of attention when they're in town.
looch
wonderful pear / 26210 posts

Mar 27, 2012

@blushink: I know what you mean about looking up to your parents and then all of a sudden, having something happen that makes you rethink that.
Mrs. Sunglasses
GOLD / pomelo / 5167 posts

Mar 27, 2012

@chopsuey119: You see I thought about that... but I really don't think it's a girl vs boy issue. I don't think he will bond as much with bebe girl as he does with my niece.

That's what funny.... Mavrick is the ONLY boy in the whole family. (on both sides) and even though my in-laws already have 3 grand-daughters they are over the moon with Mavrick. Just sucks, but I have to live with it... I guess.
Mrs. Sunglasses
GOLD / pomelo / 5167 posts

Mar 27, 2012

@looch: I know right?! I guess we realize that they are human and make mistakes. I think once you are a parent, it makes it even harder to accept. (the disappointment)
Andrea
GOLD / wonderful coffee bean / 18478 posts

Mar 27, 2012

@blushink: Since you know your dad is willing to babysit your niece, maybe he thinks you have it all under control or for some reason doesn't want him around? I am sure he has nothing against little Mavrick!!!

I think DH and I are a bit used to being disappointed by our parents, just from our own childhoods, so it does make sense that it is extending down the line to being grandparents. It still does hurt the both of us a lot but this is just how they are .... it will be hard to change them at this point ....
heffalump
GOLD / wonderful grape / 20289 posts

Mar 27, 2012

Awww.... that's sucky!

I also wish my dad spent more time with LO. She has major stranger anxiety so she cries at him when he tries to hold her. The only person other then my husband and I that can hold her is my mom, because she spends so much time with her. I get that my dad's busy, but I do wish they had a better relationship.
mrbee
admin / wonderful grape / 20724 posts

Mar 27, 2012

I think everyone eventually gets a chance to shine at a different time in your LO's life. My parents aren't that involved with the kids now, but they should move closer eventually and I bet they will be super involved then!
holdonforonemoreday
clementine / 826 posts

Mar 27, 2012

I'm more frustrated with my family members, specifically my brothers and my ILs. They drive me crazy. They'll play with him for five minutes and then ignore him while he follows them around. My ILs are paranoid about him, every little stumble or cough, they want to pick him up. He's fine!!! Arrgh. Their house is like a mine field!

My mom is great though. She loves him so much and when I leave him with her, it's like he's with me.
heffalump
GOLD / wonderful grape / 20289 posts

Mar 27, 2012

@belleoftheballe: It's the opposite with my LO and my family. They love her so much and just want to play with her, but if they try to hold her she screams at them. Stupid stranger anxiety!
Mrs. Sunglasses
GOLD / pomelo / 5167 posts

Mar 28, 2012

@mrbee: Well my dad lives 10 minutes away. And they still expect US to come see them rather than the opposite.

I dunno... I just feel like it's a hassel. And plus, my dad expects so much of me and doesn't realize that he's being unrealistic. I mean don't get angry if I forget to give you a kiss when you kiss my son first. ya know?! So odd.

I feel my dad has become this grumpy old soul ...
Mrs. Sunglasses
GOLD / pomelo / 5167 posts

Mar 28, 2012

@belleoftheballe: My mom is awesome too. Even my inlaws (even if they don't see him nearly as much)

I think once I started balling to my mom, just because I wanted to say thank you for offering to pick up Mavi from daycare time to time. That to me is priceless. such a gift. haha. im so emotional.
autumnlove
hostess / wonderful watermelon / 39513 posts

Mar 28, 2012

My FIL lives less than a mile away and can't be bothered with our LO. He asks for pictures of her to show off to his friends and clients but doesn't care to interact with her at all. LO will be 3 months old and he has seen her 3 times! We have invited him over, offered to pick him up or bring her by but he always has some excuse....like drinking with his buddies or watching TV. I hope they have more of a relationship soon.
Mrs. Sunglasses
GOLD / pomelo / 5167 posts

Mar 28, 2012

@autumnlove: oh that's sad. I'm so sorry! I hope once she is a little bigger and more "fun" he will change his mind.
Adira
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts

Mar 28, 2012

@autumnlove: I've heard that men tend to be better with toddlers than with babies. Perhaps your FIL will take more of an interest with your LO when she's walking and talking!

I know that when my best friend first had her baby, my husband has ZERO interest in her. Now that she's older and can walk and talk, he LOVES playing with her! They play hide & seek and he's even teaching her how to ski!
autumnlove
hostess / wonderful watermelon / 39513 posts

Mar 28, 2012

@Adira: @blushink: I hope so!

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