Hellobee Boards

We aren't fully decided, but we're leaning towards "one and done." At this point, we're not sure that adding another child to our life would increase our happiness. It would certainly be more difficult financially, and mentally, I just don't have it in me. At least at this point. Maybe in another year or so we'll feel differently, but if I'm not there in the next 2 years (when I'm 32), we'll be calling it. I don't have any plans on being pregnant past 32.

@looch: right? Everything is "Family Four Pack!" Uhhh...how about a family 3 pack discount for us...??

It wouldn't be financially responsible for us to have another child right now. We would have to wait until M is in Elementary school to have another (out of daycare) and by then, I would be 40. I don't want to have a baby when I'm 40.

We made the decision to be 1 and done before M. We are SO happy with her and are very content to have her and just her.

To be perfectly honest, I don't think I could go through another year of being sick for 6 straight months and pumping for 12 months. Because of this, I feel like I wouldn't give our second child as much and that's just not fair. I'd prefer to give everything we can to this one and hope she treasures that we are doing everything we can to make her life as wonderful as possible.

All that being said, if something happened and we ended up set for life financially WITH me being able to stay home, we would have another. Maybe 2 more. But for now? We are both perfectly content with our one.

I don't feel any need (biological, emotional, family pressure, religious pressure, etc.) to have more than one. I am full of love for LO, I feel our family is complete with one child, I don't ever feel anything is lacking or that I would feel more complete or happier with more children.

I also want to enjoy my life as well, and I'm spread thin working, having hobbies and activities outside the home, being a mom and having a relationship with my husband outside of "parents". The more children you add, the less time and energy for yourself you have. Might sound selfish, but my life is more than my child/ren.

Yes yes yes. No one believes me, but we were almost "none and done" and even now, with LO being 6 weeks old, we're questioning our choice! I mean, not that we don't love her, but we are for sure looking forward to her being older because this baby thing is H E L L.

So our reasons... I have to make this quick because my LO naps like shit. But here goes.

1 - we want to enjoy life, travel, give her every opportunity and have opportunities for ourself as well. We could do this with a larger family but with 1, it seems easy(er).

2 - I had an awful pregnancy. It was easy for me to get pregnant but the actual pregnancy was just awful. HG for 6 months (months 1-5 and 8-9), and a lot of other problems too. Nothing serious like Pre-E or bed rest, but just misery. I hated it. Worst most-of-a-year of my life.

3 - To go with my pregnancy, awful labor and delivery. The pain med they give you before the epidural insertion didn't work at all. The pitocin made me sick as a dog. I developed a uterine infection and then a 104 degree fever. 21 hours of labor, 3rd degree tear. Some kind of post-traumatic shock that had me waking up shaking uncontrollably for weeks after her birth. etc etc. I could go on and on. (I have a birth story if you choose to seek it out..) LO was born with an infection and had to be in NICU for a week, even had a lumbar puncture, was on oxygen, had an IV in her head (eeew).

4 - LO is a fussy needy fusspants. I don't like small children in general and everybody says "oh it's different when it's your own." Well it's true, it is different. Different because you can't give them back to their parents and go home to your quiet house! lol.

5 - I'm an only child and I like it just fine. My cousin is one too. My husband isn't, but he's the oldest child by several years and had a lot of adult responsibilities in his childhood.

I'm not sorry we had her but I sure as hell am not letting this happen again. I treat pregnancy as a sickness I will take any measure to prevent. I'll get an IUD in two weeks (I'm horrified given my slow recovery but I'll live) and we're researching the permanent options also. This whole 'you forget how bad it was' phenomenon? I'm pretty sure that's reserved for people who didn't really have it that bad. I'm getting a stomach ache and starting to tremble, just writing this post!!

So yes, I'm saying I would give up a lifetime of having a larger family, because I don't want to go through a few more years of shitty life. And it's true.

Before she was born we told people we'd consider adoption if we decide for a second child. And that IS true, but I really don't see the second child thing happening. Third child - no way. I don't want to drive a van, LOL.

Edited to add that one of the earlier posters said her nerves can't handle it. YES. My kid is tiny yet my stress builds every hour I'm with her, until the end of the day when I have a crushing headache and am shaking with the unpleasantness that has been motherhood for me, thus far.

I really like this thread. We don't have a LO yet, but we have some IF issues so even just getting to one is difficult. And I know I will love our baby to pieces, my mind asks "can you really do all this again?"

Thanks for sharing ladies! We're leaning towards one as well, for many of the reasons stated. I'm also an only child and think I had a great childhood.

@blackbird: I totally echo you! We are not one and done (We are two and through, we did not feel our family was complete after one, and after two we feel very complete!) for the same reasons that @yoursilverlining is one and done. I was afraid I wouldn't have enough in me for the second child but we took the chance because we didn't feel complete as a family, and now that the second is here, I'm so glad we did and the risk paid off!

Pregnancy and childbirth were not easy for me at all (very traumatic, both times) so I am glad to discover that we are two and through

I don't think any family planning is selfish. It's really smart to create the best life for everyone involved!

We are one and done. We decided before marriage. It was a compromise on my part (dh is 43) and I'm not thrilled with it, but I see lots of upside. I also had a terrible pregnancy and had lo at 25 weeks so that kind of makes the decision easier.

Lo also has a cousin nearby that's the same age and gender so he will have a little companion.

I am 1 and done because of the increased attention and resources given to my only, better health, marriage, joy, energy for my husband and I, and more opportunity/time to help others.

I'm still pregnant, but have felt for quite some time that I will probably lean towards being one and done. For all the reasons that @yoursilverlining: said. I know I may change my mind once LO is here, but at this time, I feel no pressing urge or need to have more than one, the hard part might be getting DH on board with this plan Our plan as of now is to reassess in about 3 years and determine then whether we are interested in having more than one.

I, personally, believe I would be fine being "one and done", or at least I feel that way now before having a child.

DH on the other hand feels very strongly about having two kids as he lost his only sister suddenly when she was 19 and he was 22. He doesn't talk about it much but occasionally he'll feel sad when he sees people getting to enjoy things with their siblings and their siblings SOs, etc. like how we do with my sister and her SO.. I can absolutely see his side and I know we'll have at least two for this reason. Again, it's a different perspective because he hasn't always been an only child.

We are one and done for several reasons:

1. It took a long time to PG after a miscarriage
2. I turn 38 this year and DH is 45 this year
3. I had terrible morning sickness throughout pregnancy (seriously almost til the end)
4. I had pPROM - premature rupture of membranes (water breaking) - at 31 weeks and was hospitalized on bed rest
5. My daughter was born prematurely at 33 weeks and it has been exhausting and expensive!
6. I don't think I or my marriage could handle any of the stress related to dealing with infertility, pregnancy, possibly another premature baby, etc.

I will live with a second child vicariously through others

I'm pregnant with my first, but I like the idea of One and Done.

I think of the finances, my sanity (I'm terribly controlling and an over thinker!) and how much I enjoy the lifestyle DH and I have now. I think 2 would completely alter my life in a way I'm not sure I want!

I LOVED having a sister but my relationship with her didn't really become something I REALLY treasured until I was like 17.. My baby will have lots of cousins and friends close in age, so I think she or he will have plenty of experiences with other children before school age!

@yoursilverlining: @blackbird: I'm not one and done either, but I completely agree with this sentiment. So glad I'm not the only one who feels this way!

Somehow I missed this thread when it was posted (odd since this topic is top-of-mind for me at the moment).

It's funny, DH and I never even considered being one and done until after we had DD and now we're very much leaning in that direction. That makes it sound like DD turned us off having any more children for bad reasons, but that's not the case at all. We're quite content as a family of three and we're not certain that adding another member to the family would do anything to increase our marital/familial happiness. The coziness of a family of three really appeals to us.

Also, for two people who have always been pretty "pulled together" in terms of living our lives and able to take things in stride (that sounds way more conceited than I mean it to), we've been surprised by how difficult we've found the transition to parenthood - we think it's likely due to the fact that we were both SO very independent pre-baby. I really seriously am not sure I could go through the newborn period again. DD's only 11 weeks and a really easy, sweet baby, but there are still moments where I think to myself that there's no way I could do this again. When DH said he was considering being one and done it was such a relief to me..I felt excited about what our future could hold, rather than terrified of having another child.

It's still early for us because DD is so young, so we plan to revisit it when she's a year old and again when she's two. Having said that, I really don't see myself changing my mind...but maybe DH will and then we'll have to make some serious decisions.

Also, my family situation is complicated, but for all intents and purposes I was an only child at my mum's house my whole life (split my time 50/50 between my parents' houses) and an only child at my dad's until my brother was born when I was 7. I loved being an only child and was never lonely or sad about it. It also made us more portable as a family...it's quite easy to travel as a family of three...we only needed one hotel room and those vacations (my parents were big travellers, and by extension, I am now too) brought us SO close as a family unit. They are among my best memories in life. Travel is very important (not just for leisure, but also as a means of education for our child) to DH and me and the thought of being able to do it with just one child is very appealing.

Sorry for the novel, just something I've been thinking a lot about recently

ETA: There's also the age factor...I'll be 31 next week and have no interest in being pregnant after 34, but, if we were to have another I would want at least three years between them...so...timing could certainly be an issue.

@hergreenapples: you really summed up how we are feeling perfectly!