My mom is currently acting so bitter that we went to visit my MIL but it was purely a distance thing. My MIL is a 2 hour plane ride away and my mom is 11 hours and a 6 hour time difference away. It doesn't even compare in my mind but of course it does for her and she probably thinks I am a bad daughter. Does anyone else have to deal with these parental jealousy issues?
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Aww. 6 hour time difference + 11 hour flight is no joke!
My parents actually like hearing that we spend time with the inlaws--especially since we're always flying to CA and have only been to TX once. -
Yes! DH and I moved away from our hometown (his parents moved to this town about 2 years before we did), so we live an hour from my parents and only 5 minutes from my in-laws. My mom definitely gets jealous sometimes, even though I visit her at least once a week (I only work 20 min from my parents house).
Most of this stems from the fact that when we were dating in high school, we spent way more time at his house than mine.
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@chopsuey119: yeah, I wish she could be patient and realize that we will definitely visit once the LO is older. I know lots of people do long haul trips with young kids but we just don't want to right now.
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@lilteacherbee: do you see your in-laws a lot more?
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My mom often comments on things I wear like jewelry or sweaters that my MIL got me, or toys that she got my LO, and she'll ask where they're from, and I'll tell her my MIL got it. Then she feels like she should be giving gifts too. I'm ok with that though
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@Andrea: Yeah, kinda. We definitely go over to their house more, but its for 20 minutes here and there. Sometimes, I stay with my mom overnight when DH works nights, so I see her more at once.
We try to make it even though. Tomorrow, we're driving to my parents' house for lunch and then we're spending the evening with the in-laws.
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@artbee: haha! Your mom is so easily swayed! I wish my mom wasn't so stubborn!
@lilteacherbee: Yeah, I think it all evens out. My parents are farther away but they get WAY more updates about what the DD is up to.
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@Andrea: My mom would be upset if we didn't visit her too. But since we live right here there's not a problem with that. The other day I made a joke that DH's job was transfered, and she started getting teary eyed. It was a joke, but I felt awful for saying it.
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@artbee: if my mom was closer, she would get way more visits. Oh no! Why were you trying to April Fool's your mom? Hehe.
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I do. Firstly, my parents are divorced, so I've dealt with them being jealous of each other for 20 years now. Now, with in-laws in the mix, mine will get jealous just because we go over to my in laws for dinner, or if we have the in-laws to our house (It's going to be worse once we have a baby). It's hard for us because they all live in the same city as us. This means every freaking holiday is a gong show of us trying to divide our time equally between everyone so no one gets their knickers in a knot!
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@Jumpingjacks: Ugh, what a drag for the holidays. I guess being in the same city is not any easier than being in different corners of the world!
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We are in the exact same situation- in laws are 2 hour flight, my parents are long haul flight. I know my mom gets jealous since we've been to visit the in-laws twice already.
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@Andrea: Mine's in reverse. MIL is way jealous of my relationship with my mom because she never had a daughter. It's been a delicate battle/balance, but I think I've finally found a balancing point between nurturing my MIL while still keeping my lines as her daughter in law.
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Luckily, both my parents and in laws are in NY so we get to see both with one visit. But our place in ny is in the same building as the in laws so they get to spend way more time with the LOs than my parents when we visit. Luckily they haven't shown much jealousy.
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No one complains but I sure feel bad! My parents are 1.5 hours away and my inlaws a 15 hour plane ride. We see them every two years for a month (starting tomorrow, actually!). They are terrific, but I know that holding the baby up to the webcam is not the same as getting snuggles
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My MIL is jealous of my relationship with my mom. My MIL only has sons and likes to force a closer relationship with me than I'm comfortable with and when I tell her stories about stuff my mom does with LO or whatnot, she feels like she has to compete. SIGH.
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@mrsjyw: @Rubies: OH, actually I do have the same thing with my MIL since she only has sons as well. She isn't too vocal about it so at least it doesn't come up as much!
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I don't think my mom realizes how often we see HIS mom!! My parents live 30 mins away and his parents live 10 mins away. We see mine about once a month. We see his EVERY weekend... not by my choice :T
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Ugh. Sorry your mom is being a pain about seeing the in-laws, @Andrea.
Thankfully, we don't have this problem. My husband's parents don't bring up visiting all that often and don't seem to care that we see my parents often.
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We're fortunate in that there doesn't seem to be much tension over who we spend more time with. We spend a lot more time with my parents. Both sets of patents are within 15 minutes of us, but visiting his is more like a chore than something enjoyable and mine are fun to be around. His parents would like us to visit more & I don't think they're aware that we see my parents a lot more. I don't see any of that changing in the near future.
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My mom is very, very jealous of the time that I spend with my in-laws. I'm an only child so my mom really dotes on me and needs me around quite a lot (we live 2.5 hours away from her). My in-laws and my husband have always done a lot together - they hike, ski, pretty much anything outside - which is not something my mom and I ever really got into together. Needless to say my husband and his in-laws see each other a great deal because they always make plans to do these things. I'm actually not a huge fan of my in-laws, but because they plan all of these things my mom thinks that I LOVE the time I spend with them and DREAD the time I spend with her. No amount of talking to her about this issue has fixed it completely - but trying to get together with her more often, even if just for lunch or dinner, has abated it a bit. It's very frustrating and sad for me that she can't take my word on how I feel about my relationship with her vs. my in-laws, and it doesn't help that the two don't really get along that well.
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@Rubies - yes, I have that issue on the other end of things too. My MIL has only boys and I'm the 1st DIL - so she always wants to spend time doing "girly" stuff (which I'm not that into). She also likes it interject herself into EVERY conversation and EVERY situation - which only adds to my annoyance....
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Aw, im so sorry! it just sucks because I'm sure you would want to see your mom more. Does she ever come see you?
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@blushink: thanks hon. My mom JUST came for DD's birthday and Xmas before that. MIL did not get to come. She seems to have forgotten this though! Or those things don't count .....
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@Andrea: Egh, im sorry... already it must be hard to be so far away... no need to have the extra "crappiness" going on.
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My parents are upset that my FIL lives so close to us but shows very little interest in our LO. I know they would be more hands on if they lived closer!
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@Andrea: MIL is insanely jealous of mine (and our) relationship with my parents. We vacation with my parents (they're non-intrusive) and visit with them on a regular basis. They live 20 minutes away, where as in-laws live 60 minutes away.
The distance isn't the issue. Until we had LJ, they weren't into us. I much preferred it that way.
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