Just drop them here!
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So...we went to my mom's house last night to see my sister, my BIL, and their 5 kids while they were in town. My mom told me that she was gifting them a nice air fryer (120 dollar one). She said this was their family gift. I knew my two kids were getting toys, so I suggested exchanging gifts on Christmas Eve when my mom and dad came over, but they insisted. So, all the kids opened their stockings which were pajamas and candy. My sister opened her air fryer. My nieces and nephews helped my kids open their gifts and it was awful. My 4 year old got a kinder robot and my daughter got a nice dimpl duo and a dollhouse (that THANK GOODNESS) my mom couldn't find. My nieces and nephews were so disappointed and my mom kept saying that their gift was the family gift. Mind you, these kids are ages 11-1. They don't want an air fryer! On top of that my mom gave me a 100 dollar Visa gift card and my husband a 100 gift card to Home Depot. My sister and her family just got the air fryer. Her kids kept looking under the tree for gifts. Of course I got them an Osmo as a family gift, so the kids didnt have any individual gifts really.
My sister ended up asking my mom about the discrepancy (not because she wanted more, but her feelings were hurt), and my mom was like "whoops...I'll do better next year" in front of the kids.
I know it's not my doing but I feel so guilty that my family was "spoiled" while my sister's was overlooked. I keep thinking of the kids opening the robot and their disappointment.
I tried to give my sister the gift card I was given so they could get something for the kids and say it was from "grandma and grandpa." They appreciated the offer, but declined.I just need to drop this somewhere.
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@crazydoglady: oh man thatâs awful! Was it truly an oversight or some passive aggressive thing?
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@bhbee: I'd like to say it's an oversight. Like...certain things just don't occur to my parents. They thought we should get Panda Express last night for holiday dinner...đ¤ˇââď¸ But I do feel like there is something going on because my sister can be kind of flaky about visiting (I give her a pass because it is a 3 hour drive with five kids and my sister is allergic to my mom's cat.) My mom mentioned something about being over that. Plus, my mom sees my kids all the time and my son stays the night with them regularly. I don't know...I'd like to think my parents aren't capable of favoritism.
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Family friends came over today to exchange gifts with the kids. They gave my three year old a Playmobil dragon, which he should have loved, but we gave their kids two smaller gifts and he kept saying âWhy do we only get ONE present?!?!â
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As we were leaving my in laws, my MIL tried to force my daughter to hug and kid her and she said no. My MIL went to grab her so my daughter ran and my MIL chased her. I yelled to my husband to stop this but he didn't move quick enough so I joined the chase yelling "we don't force affection". It was awful but I strongly believe in letting kids (and anyone) decide their own level of comfort with touch.
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After 2 days and 2 nights at my parents house, I told my mom off when she went on a rant that my pregnancy nausea is not normal and that surely something is wrong...she asked had I not talked to my doctor?! I told her I was on anti nausea to shut her up and she told me that was dangerous and that she would send me remedies later. To which I replied, "I bet you will" (she does not believein conventional medicine). I'm halfway through this pregnancy and she has never once asked me how I am doing. When we told her we were pregnant she spent the rest of the visit detailing all the ways she already knew (literally none of them were an indication). I've had it. Ho ho ho. I am truly looking forward to hanging out with DHs family after that mess.
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@Elizabear: omg, that is straight out of a bad comedy movie. Good for you for trying to shut it down.
Not Christmas-specific and will probably delete later, but all I've got so far is that yesterday my lovely SIL had an adorable baby girl she named Kate, and my mom (Kay), replied-all to SIL's entire-family announcement email crowing about being "honored" that the baby was named after her. Okay, lady.
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@SweetCaroline: Hang in there
it's funny how people who "don't believe in medicine" tend to use to pretty fast when *they* have a health issue. Funny like not-funny.
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@LCTBQE: đ I didnât give my son my dads name as a middle because bil has the same name and my mil would have insisted it was after him. Why are mil like that!!! Why not just congrats on the baby hope youâre doing well
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@crazydoglady: It was like the first year of marriage and we were at Christmas Eve dinner with DH parents, brother and his wife. We were having issues with boundaries with his parents. They always wanted to go to lunch, wanted to know every detail of our life, wanted to hang out, talk on the phone with him etc. Well I finally spoke with DH and he agreed they needed to step back alittle..... (sorry some background) well ofcourse in laws werenât happy with me and blamed me for stealing their son- moving forward- at dinner and exchanging cards/gifts and MIL turns to me with a rude, snarky face and tone- âhereâ and hands me a card. I said thank you and open it - itâs a gift card to some store. I was happy! Then she turns to SIL(her favorite) and says dramatically this is for you and hands her a bag with a diamond necklace in it. I look at DH and just smile I was like really! I donât even like necklaces so she didnât hurt my feelings
!
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My in laws (they live locally) are coming over to our house Christmas morning. Our kids will be up early and we wanted to have the first hour or so of the morning with just us. So we suggested they come over around 8:30 or 9:00 that morning. My mother in law is very upset that she won't be here to see the kids come downstairs and see their Santa gifts though. She left my husband a message that if we won't "allow them into our house right away" they will stand on our back patio and look in our windows so they can see the kids come downstairs.
I don't even know what to do with that.
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@caitcat: you close the blinds and curtains is what you do. (But my in laws are for real crazy)
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@Sams Mom: That's exactly what my husband said! And I really think he means it, so gosh I hope his parents don't show up on our porch or we're going to have such an awkward morning.
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We have a history of MIL getting things for my mom that are just awful and that my mom wold never like. Now weâve tried to tell our two sets of parents to please not exchange gifts because all that happens is they waste money and no one likes anything OR DW and I end up shopping for both sets of parents and they exchange the gifts đ
Anyway last night MIL was wrapping up a PONCHO for my mom who would never in one million years use it. So I VERY quietly whispered to DW, âshe got her a poncho??â But MIL has gotten hearing aids and turned them up full volume so she busted me. âAre you making fun of the poncho over there?â Whoops. -
@crazydoglady: ohhhhh, thatâs really terrible. I wonder why your parents would pile on with the $200 in gift cards plus kid gifts your your family and then only the air fryer for their whole family. Yikes. I think 98% of kids wouldnât handle that well. How did your sister handle the situationâhave you talked to her about it since?
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@caitcat: Seriously?!?! She's raised her children! It's just reeks of entitlement to me. She's not entitlement to these moments...you are! Maybe take a video? That's all I would be willing to do.
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@Anagram: She was really hurt. At one point, my mom said that she would give Target gift cards to each kid the next day, but that didn't happen. My sister and her family ended up leaving early because she just didn't feel like sticking around.
My dad called her on her way out of town and asked her for her email address. And she later saw that he sent her $300. I mean, she's sort of pleased that they recognized her family, but hurt/confused that they didn't try to immediately make it right. The kids spent two extra days there thinking that grandma and grandpa got them nothing. I don't know, my parents both deal with mental illness (to different degrees) and I feel like some things just don't occur to them. The next morning after the whole present thing, my sister comes into the kitchen to see this sweet scene of my parents making hot chocolate for the kids. But they didn't make any for my 5 year old autistic nephew because they thought he would spill it. So, he was sitting there in tears watching his three older siblings have some. Like, why would it even occur to someone that that is ok? Anyway, my sister made him some anyway.
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@crazydoglady: Oh man, that's so sad for the kids! Of course they don't want an air fryer.
Yesterday we had my dad's family's get together and did a white elephant exchange with the adults... My cousin and his wife apparently didn't get it and had their kids (7 and 2) do the gifts... their son picked and opened a gift, meant for an adult, and had a HUGE melt down, cried and ran out of the room. And then the rest of the fam was too scared to steal a gift from them.
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@josina: that same scenario has happened many a time on my extended family gathering. They always play the âstealing presents gameâ and thereâs always a couple people (usually kids that are really too young or sometimes a new boyfriend/girlfriend who doesnât get the rules) who are weird about the gifts and stealing and itâs s bummer for everyone playing! The fun is in the game, and who cares if you go home with an ugly pot holder.
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@Anagram: I think I was that new girlfriend when I first spent Christmas with my husband's family!
Their white elephant exchange always has another layer going on, and all of the gifts are intended for someone specific. I'd never experienced one like that before, and was really confused to open up a pair of Red Sox tickets when the spending limit was supposed to have been $25. Turns out the tickets were "for" my SiL, who eventually ended up with them, but I found the whole experience confusing and stressful, and just sat out that exchange in future years.@crazydoglady: That story just keeps getting weirder! "Sorry we made the kids feel excluded and unloved - here's some after-the-fact cash to make up for it!"
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Whoa. I'll be blunt - that's terrible! I have a hard time grasping how anything like that can be a "whoops, I wasn't thinking". Those poor kids
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@gotkimchi: I would have done the same in your situation, not that your own dad needs to be punished because your MIL is annoying. In our family, dunno what to say, my mom has been like this ever since my brother and SIL got married and she acted like it was her senior prom.
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@josina: @Anagram: @lady baltimore: we should have a spinoff thread of worst white elephant gift you've ever gotten.
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My MIL and stepFIL retired this year and went south about a month ago for the winter. We text a lot and sheâs been asking if the kids are excited for Christmas. Then her response is always that she wishes she could be here.
Well you could! You chose to go to Mexico and not come to spend time with your family. It is just frustrating. Once in 10 years sheâs come and spent Christmas with us. Not my fault you made this choice!!
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@CrazyDogLady: If I was your sister I would have left the party early (after crying my eyes out) and cut off contact with mom. No grandma is better than one that emotionally damages them. The saddest part is that it probably drives a wedge in between the relationship with you and your sister. I don't know the details or if this is part of a larger pattern, but your mom's behavior is really upsetting
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@ALV91711: we have several family members who do this every freakin year. Luckily they are my aunts, uncles, and a couple times my grandma went out of town during the time we visited only? Then they all complain they never see us. I canât imagine if it was my parents or in laws! The kids are only young for so long at Christmas đ¤ˇââď¸
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@LCTBQE: lol, yes! I have a few for that post.
it's funny how people who "don't believe in medicine" tend to use to pretty fast when *they* have a health issue. Funny like not-funny.
My dad called her on her way out of town and asked her for her email address. And she later saw that he sent her $300. I mean, she's sort of pleased that they recognized her family, but hurt/confused that they didn't try to immediately make it right. The kids spent two extra days there thinking that grandma and grandpa got them nothing. I don't know, my parents both deal with mental illness (to different degrees) and I feel like some things just don't occur to them. The next morning after the whole present thing, my sister comes into the kitchen to see this sweet scene of my parents making hot chocolate for the kids. But they didn't make any for my 5 year old autistic nephew because they thought he would spill it. So, he was sitting there in tears watching his three older siblings have some. Like, why would it even occur to someone that that is ok? Anyway, my sister made him some anyway.
Their white elephant exchange always has another layer going on, and all of the gifts are intended for someone specific. I'd never experienced one like that before, and was really confused to open up a pair of Red Sox tickets when the spending limit was supposed to have been $25. Turns out the tickets were "for" my SiL, who eventually ended up with them, but I found the whole experience confusing and stressful, and just sat out that exchange in future years.
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