This is my second child, so we're not doing anything big -- but a group of my neighborhood friends offered to throw me a shower, approached my husband about it and they started to plan (mainly without me). Meanwhile, a very close friend subsequently offered to throw me a shower, which was so nice. I told her another friend had also offered but that they should connect. With a lot on my mind, I basically forgot about it, but I asked my husband to tell the friend who'd asked first to ask second friend about helping. Well, I guess my husband and the original group throwing the shower decided on a date (which I said OK to!) but never looped in second friend, and she's now hurt and upset at my husband and told me this. Ah! Drama! I don't even want to know! She got offended and then made kind of a reference to not showing up at the shower, then said, whatever, it's totally fine, I threw your last one, I'm not upset (but clearly still did seem upset) and now I don't even know if she'll come to my shower, which would be hideous, as she's one of my closest friends of 20 years.
What do I do? I also think this might be tough because she recently got divorced this year and has no children, so she is going through a hard personal time. I was wondering if I should assign her a specific "task" or ask her to help me with finding a shower outfit or...something? It seems the other people have the shower under control but it was just a miscommunication. Help?
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Are you talking about three 'friends"? Neighborhood friends + another friend + second friend.
Tough shit that second friend didn't connect with first friend(s) in a timely manner to co-host a shower. Did everyone have each other's contact info?
As long as second friend is invited I wouldn't worry too much about whether she attends. The date may legitimately not work for her. Who knows? I don't think YOU need to assign her a task since neighborhood friends are coordinating the shower.
Going out to shop sounds like a great low pressure, normal friend thing to do even when you show up saying "today I'm shopping for the baby shower." I like that idea.
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Are the invitee lists the same?
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@Looch, yes, totally the same It's just a question of two people offering to host (so nice!) but one person moving on it quicker/not realizing someone else had also offered, and that other person feeling left out.
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@Paddington10: I was going to suggest two separate things, but since the guest list is the same, I agree with @Mrs. Lemon-Lime.
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I hate conflict so I would probably ask the neighborhood friend to call or email the other friend and ask her to bring a cake or something so she is being allowed to help!
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I'm a firm believer in people not having to be involved in their own showers.
I would give both of the friend's each others contact info and ask them to get in touch, but leave it at that. You shouldn't have to figure out what Friend A or Friend B is in charge of unless it is YOU who is throwing the shower.
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@MaryM: well said. You should not be having to delegate.
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Agree, this should not be your problem. Let them work it out. If your friend wants to be offended over a miscommunication and boycott the shower, then well that's not great behavior on her part.
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I understand her being offended because she did talk to you about it and probably had started working on ideas and plans for it. I think your husband and the other host should still loop her in to help with organizing.
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