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@mrskm129: yes, this is pretty much a constant struggle for us. We have two boys 4.5 and almost 1.5. We both WOH. DH leaves just before 6am, and gets home about 6, and I leave at 8:30, and get home by 6:30. We have a nanny now that comes at 8:15 which has made things WAY easier. She brings our older son to preschool 3 days a week and picks him up. But not having to deal with daycare dropoff/pickup has been huge (and not having to make lunches).

Our house is generally in an OK state. If you look past the piles of laundry we keep hidden in the basement and closets, haha. Dishes are a pain. Our weekday meals are BASIC. And DH and I barely speak since we tag team the kids... But I keep thinking that I'll get to talk to him again someday.

Here's what has helped:

1. We have a wonderful savior of a cleaning woman come 1x a month. Doing it only once a month saves on cost and its the greatest money ever spent. She and another woman come and do a deep clean, and we just maintain in between her visits.

2. Landry. UGH. I don't have a great solution for this yet. I try to get loads done here and there, and then fold if I stay awake to watch TV and reward myself with some wine while I fold. I'd say one night a week i'm usually folding 4 loads of laundry. it's not ideal.

3. MEALS. We all get home at 6 or later, so bedtimes in our house are a little later, usually 8 for the baby and 8:45 for my older son. I walk in the door and immediately start dinner and it's easy stuff that is fast, like 15-20 minutes to make. Chili, tacos, stiry fry, pasta, pizza, quick chicken and veggies and potatoes, frozen fish from TJ's, etc. My picky older son often ends up not wanting what we eat so he'll get a sandwich or peanut butter on crackers or mac & cheese or hot dogs, whatever... nothing fancy during the week.

4. PREP. Any prep for anything I can do in advance helps us, but I don't always have the time or energy. Sometimes I'll make snacks and a bunch of food for me & DH to have for the week at work. If I can plan out my meals i'm usually in a better spot during the week too. Bonus points to me if I can get my sh*t together and plan a crock pot meal or two, dump it all in in the morning, then dinner is ready when we're home.

5. Get up early... Or stay up late. In my case - I'm dead by the end of the day, so I don't accomplish anything in the evening. But I get up early, I usually try to beat the boys up and shower and do one chore - usually emptying the dishwasher so it's ready for the day's dishes. I usually end up cleaning up the kitchen & living room while the boys get to watch a show too - just tidying. I'll run the swiffer over the floor fast, take garbage out, whatever....

i have no idea if this helps at all, but if nothing else I FEEL YA. it's such a grind right now.... what kills me is both DH and I commute 1hr+ and i want those hours back!!!!!!!!

@mrskm129: We never have time to clean... DH thinks we don't need a cleaner but i'd love one! Laundry we bought XL top loader and do 2 loads a week on a sunday usually then fold them while watching sunday night tv. We've been freezing a lot of premade meals (pasta, risotto, meatballs, etc) for our toddler and then we eat after, or sometimes we all eat together but it's hard.

Well I really feel you. I work full time with an almost 3 year old and a 6 months old. I do have a shorter work day and commute then you but we are out of the house as a family from 7:45-5:20. I will say I do not cook at all when we get home. I prepare the bulk of my meals on Sunday. I know this is annoying but this is the only way it works for us. I make for dinner meals we will all eat and I only prepare one thing. When I used to have one child, I used a learning tower and I would let my daughter play in the sink or wash vegetables while I prepared a 20-30 minute meal or should we get a show during this time.

Right now, we do bath every other night. So the baby goes to bed around 7:30. Daughter goes to bed at 8pm. Most of the time I am alone with the kids from 5:20-6:30 because husband is not home yet. I sit at the dinner table with both kids and we eat together around 5:45 or 6. Then older daughter can watch a show and I play on the floor with baby. Husband gets home and eats fast. We start bedtime routines and my preference is that whoever is not putting daughter down is washing bottles and pump parts and emptying dishes.

I will say I have embraced the idea that quality time with your kids can also include times where they watch you pick up or clean or cook. My grandmother raised 11 children and I really doubt she had time to play on the floor with her kids. Time was about routines and chores and then reading books together.

My house isn't immaculate. It's only just fine. I'd probably scrub the toilet before folks came over but honestly, I feel like its a sign of friend intimacy for them to see that your house is lived in by the family that occupies it.

So I'm struggling too. I forget one pump part and want to cry and yesterday a whole bottle of breast milk leaked as we were walking out the door but I'm trying to keep a good attitude about it and focus on the positives and the time we do get to be together.

@mrskm129: You are not alone! I could have written this post. We are in exactly the same position, and we have FOUR dogs. We were trying to eat dinner together as a family of 3 every night (DS is 14 months) but it results in him getting into bed too late and being crabby, so we are going to have to start feeding him first ...

The only suggestions I have are: prepping meals on the weekend for the upcoming week, having one night of frozen leftovers, one night of takeout, etc., and doing baths in the morning to save a bit of time. Can you hire a dog walker so an evening walk isnt a necessity? We also have a cleaning lady come twice a month, and sometimes I leave work early just to breathe and make up the time on eg a Sunday morning - dont know if you have the flexibility to do that?

We have a similar schedule. DH and DD are out the door by 7am, then I get ready after they leave and head to work. We pick up DD at daycare at 5:45, immediately fix her dinner when we get home and we both sit down with her while she eats - that's as close as we're going to get to a family meal, since there isn't time for me to fix our own dinner by then. It is nice to take those few minutes together though, even though we aren't eating. Then she's in bed by 7:15 or 7:30 if she really drags things out.

After that, I immediately make our dinner. I think it would make a huge difference for you (and has for us) to have a regular habit in place of planning all dinners on the weekend, so it's all ready to go and after LO is in bed you just immediately start cooking. Stick to quick recipes so you can have it on the table in 30 minutes. We quickly gather up and put away any toys that DD may have played with that evening. DH does the dishes. After that, we relax on weeknights. It's necessary. I try to stay on top of clutter just by moving things into their correct location as I'm walking by, so it doesn't ever stack up and feel overwhelming. There is definitely an element of letting some things go. We often end up staying up too late, though I don't recommend that.

The Flylady. Seriously.

I don't do everything she recommends, and I rarely read her emails anymore, but using the methods she recommends, I was able to cobble together a system that (usually) works for my family.

My mantra has become "Better. Not perfect. Better..." I walk through the house muttering it!

@MrsADS: @anagram - Agree about working out. And I'm getting guilted by all these Beach Body coaches that post on FB about "If you really want it, make it happen". Yea, there just isn't enough time.

My goal right now is keeping my sanity on top of keeping my job and being a good wife/mother. Household tasks fall behind in line followed by personal tasks like working out.

We have 3 kids and are out of the house from about 7:30-5:30 roughly.

1. Mornings, kids eat alone, yogurt or something we can just grab and sit them down with. We do most the bag prep in the morning but it is smoother if we do some at night. Again we are just too tired at night often. Our backpack/bag hooks save us. Everything stays right there in the kitchen so they are ready to be packed up again in the morning.

2. We eat breakfast in the car or when we get to work usually. We try to have healthy items we can grab and go. Not the cheapest but not terrible either. Yogurt, oatmeal, or frozen breakfast sandwich.

3. Dinners are SIMPLE. Meat is dethawed, set on a baking sheet, seasons and broiled. Veggies are frozen steam in the bag kinds. We do make rice on the stove some times but we also buy the microwave rice bags. I wish I could pre-plan more meals but it eats up too much weekend time. I try to prep a double batch of meatloaf, enchiladas and a casserole so thats in the freezer.

4. Laundry is done by person. Our work clothes get washed together, our casual jeans and clothes are washed together, kids clothes together, towels, etc. That way if we dont get around to folding the wash right away we at least have set the basket back in the appropriate room and can grab the missing item. All of us have enough wardrobe that we can go about a week and a half without doing laundry.

5. Cleaning - We just spot clean during the week. Mostly the kitchen and dishes. DH likes to wash a lot by hand which takes up a lot of time. We finally hired a cleaning lady to come once a month to at least make sure our floors and toilets are getting washed.

In no particular order:

1. We have a housecleaner that comes twice a month.

2. We run laundry every single day. Its way easier for me or DH to do a small basket of laundry before we go to bed than do massive piles. I usually run around collecting dirty clothes while DH handles baths and just run it. After the boys are in bed we throw in the dryer. We keep small canvas cubes or small hampers in our master where we throw everyone's clean clothes and they get sorted out later.

3. DH is in charge of running the dishwasher and setting up the coffee at night before he comes to bed. I usually have a sinkful for him to do (see below).

4. When I'm working (currently on leave) I cook dinner after the boys are in bed for the NEXT night. Then its just a matter of reheating when I get home from work. If I batch cooked or whatever over the weekend, great, but either way I know what we're eating for dinner a day in advance.

5. DS1 gets a snack trap of dry cereal and water on the way home from school. It keeps him from whining when we get home and it buys be 10 minutes to get food on the table.

6. I want our family to eat together as much as possible, but if that means we eat different things, that's okay. Sometimes what DH and I have to eat is too spicy or too weird for our 2 year old. So I keep lots of quick food DS1 will eat in the house, like cooked ground meat simply seasoned, Aidell's frozen meatballs, chicken sausage, hot dogs, chicken nuggets, a plain or cheese omelet cooked in advance, frozen peas and carrots, frozen corn, canned green beans, fruit and veggie pouches, easy quick fruit like berries, clementines, grapes, and bananas. I can pull those out and quickly heat them and have dinner on the table for him in under 5 minutes. Then I can reheat whatever DH and I are eating for dinner.

7. Have ready made starches. We have a rice cooker that has a keep warm setting, so we cook multigrain rice once or twice a week so there's always a hot starch on the side (it also makes entrees easy because I can just make like a stir fry or a curry sauce or a stew or something to go over it). It also turns into fried rice once a week. I also usually boil a package of pasta on the weekend, rinse it in cold water, and toss with olive oil and keep in the fridge. I can always toss some with marinara for DS1 or stirfry it with veggies and meat. I also often cook a box of mac n' cheese and add grated zucchini or frozen spinach to it and keep it in the fridge.

8. When cooking something, double or triple it when possible and freeze portions for later. This is obvious for things like taco filling, spaghetti sauce, chili, pulled pork, and soup. You can pull it and thaw 2 weeks later and it will be glorious.

9. Have a universal grocery list. Meaning, make a list of things that you always have to have on hand in the house by Sunday night so your life doesn't derail. If you keep it on the fridge you or DH can see it and make sure its all there. Milk, eggs, cheese, bananas, cereal, yogurt, bread, creamer, whatever.

10. Get a Roomba and have it run during the day and park itself in your bedroom when its done.

11. I would feed the dogs and let them out in your yard to go to the bathroom, but walk them after your kid goes to bed or while one of you handles bedtime. If that isn't an option, I would hire a dogwalker.

12. We always bathe our boys every night, but if it was really impacting their sleep, I would consider a wipe down every other night instead.

13. I pack lunches and daycare bags at night and put the bags in the car. I pick out my clothes the night before and I shower before bed. When I lay out DS' pajamas for bed, I also lay out his clothes for the next day at the same time.

14. I focus weekend meal prep on the kids, honestly. If its a matter of chopping and steaming veggies, washing/cutting fruit, cooking some omelets, and boiling pasta, its totally manageable and not overwhelming. If I can throw something in the crockpot while I'm doing that, all the better.

15. We keep necessities for the kids in the car to idiot proof our lives. Wipes, diapers, spare clothes, a towel, a blanket, shoes, socks, some dry snacks, and a water bottle. That way if we forget something or daycare runs out of diapers or whatever, we have it there. We take DS1's sneakers off in the car before we bring him inside and then put them on once we arrive at daycare before unbuckling him out of his carseat. We keep a pair in each car so we don't forget them.

I know this sounds like we do a lot, but we've got it down to a pretty solid routine. Dinner is at 530pm, DS1 and the baby get to play in the living room with a show on around 6pm, while I clean up dinner dishes and pack lunches. DS1 behaves because he gets his gummy vitamins if he sits quietly. DH brings in all the daycare bags and sorts all the dirty clothes and sippy cups and lunch crap into the sink/hamper. At 630pm, DH bathes the baby and DS1 and I clean up his toys. Then its DS1's turn for bath. The baby crawls around while I turn down DS1's bed and set out pajamas and clothes for DS1. While DH is bathing DS1, I throw in a load of laundry, get the daycare bags repacked and in the car, and then start feeding the baby. Baby is down by 715pm. DH is getting DS1 out and ready for bed and then I take over books and tucking in duty while DH goes around and cleans after bathtime (toys, towels, water on the floor, etc). DS1 is in bed by 730pm.

That means by 730pm, I can start nailing down dinner for the next day and then move laundry over to the dryer. Most nights by 8pm I'm vegging for a bit and DH is in his home office doing some work. If I need to run errands then I'll do it now. DH will start doing the dishes and setting up coffee by 10. I'll dump the clean laundry on his side of the bed, and then pick out our clothes for the next day before I hit the shower. We aim to be in bed by 11pm.

We don't have a dog yet, but if we did, I would imagine the walk would happen during that 6-630pm break instead of TV and then another walk would happen before we went to bed for the night.

I posted something so similar almost a year ago, and after hearing it recommended by nearly everyone, getting a house cleaner has helped SO MUCH! Ours comes every other week, and it forces us to put the clutter away at least that often so they can really clean. Just not having to use any of my own headspace to think about cleaning has made me feel way more on top of things!

In terms of meals / cooking - my kids get to watch their one TV show while I make dinner. They honestly need the unwind time after daycare so it works for everyone. So I just try to make super simple stuff that I can finish in 25 minutes or so, or I prep a little the night before or on the weekends.

Our biggest issue is still laundry, I can never seem to get on top of it!

We switch off who does which kids bedtime each night, and the person with the easy/shorter kid cleans up dinner and makes lunches when they are done. We also make 2 lunches at at time for each kid, so we only have to make them Sundays, Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Hang in there! I'd pick one or two areas you'd really like to tackle and focus on those, it's hard to fix everything at once, and it's a constant work in progress!

@alphagam84: This is our set up with our dog too so thankfully he doesn't require walks.

Note 1: I felt somewhat overwhelmed/miserable until my son was about 16mo. At that point I started going back to the gym twice a week and that really helped me find some mental space and sanity.

Note 2: Until my son was 2.5yo, we were largely subsisting on takeout during the week. It was only at 2.5yo that we started cooking freezer meals over the weekend and defrosting them during the week. The takeout drove my husband crazy due to expense. For me, the issue was that it's just not healthy.

We used a nanny when I went back to work when my son was 3mo. Our schedule morphed gradually for various reasons, but at this point my almost 3yo goes to daycare in the morning but we have childcare in the afternoon. The childcare is a mix of grandparent care and a college student.

Because of this arrangement, when I get home from work my son is already fed and bathed. And someone else takes care of his laundry and tidies up the living room. So, I get home, hang out with him while I defrost some dinner, and eventually get him into bed. The only things we need to do to get ready for bed are put on a pullup and brush his teeth. Sometime that evening or the next morning, I have to pack his lunch and snack for daycare.

If I didn't have this setup, I would probably lose my mind. I realize many/most people just use daycare and deal with the overhead, but I don't think I could manage it.

I would have a much harder time justifying this arrangement if I didn't have free grandparent care two days per week. As a result the sitter is about $200/month more than full time daycare would cost, and that is a cost we can absorb.

1) hired a housecleaner to do the real cleaning
2) managed expectations about dinner (we rarely eat together)
3) we work opposing shifts, sort of. I arranged it to work 7:30-4:30. Husband works 9:30-5:30. It helps that he's around to do mornings and I'm home a big earlier (usually i fold laundry and make LO's dinner before he gets home).
4) we do laundry overnight. I put it in in the evening, husband puts it in the dryer in the morning, i fold when I get home from work.

A few things that have made my life better:

1. Delivery groceries. A little more expensive, but we have actually saved money because there is no impulse shopping. Love not having to grocery shop.

2. Prioritizing exercise/sanity. I see a lot of people are saying to depriotitize exercise. I find the opposite to be true. Since I have prioritized regular exercise and my sanity, I find it much easier to deal. I don't mind the day to day grind as much when I know I will get my time too.

3. Ruthlessly divide and conquer. My husband leaves the house very early 3 days per week and works from home twice a week. I do all the morning stuff, and all the daycare stuff. He does all dinners (because he's home a little earlier) and all the laundry (when he works from home). I think knowing there's some stuff that's really not at all my responsibility helps.

Crock pot. It has been the only way we've survived this year. I walk in the door at 544, dinner at 6, bath, bed/dog walk, dishes, couple time, bed. We meal plan on Sunday and any day I'm in the office we make sure there's a crock pot.

@hitchhiker: my husband is the same way about exercise and says it less him function on less sleep! Curious, what does prioritizing exercise look like for you?

I need to start training for 10k, but am tethered to the house.

I WOH and DH is a SAHD who does not have time to cook or clean with the 2 little ones at home. We can't afford a cleaning person so our house stays messy more than I'd like. We can keep up with the dishes but laundry is usually worked on before I go to work, after work, or on weekends. We only vacuum/clean floors every few weeks. Cleaning the bathroom is only done every few weeks. We prioritize family time over cleaning.
I try to do meal prep on weekends for the week or have something I can make quickly when I come home from work. Like yesterday all I had to do was cut the chicken into bite size pieces, drizzle olive oil, throw in the spice mix I prepped on the weekend and bake for 20 min. Then we had that with prewashed lettuce and dressing.
I try to tell myself it is not going to be this chaotic for ever.

@mrskm129: how old is DD? and how long have you been back to work? i found with DD1, it felt terrible and overwhelming for...a long time...like until she was a year or 18m or something. i constantly told DH that it just felt like a ratrace from the time i left work until i crashed into bed. i think it's the difference between all of the freetime i used to have pre-kids and then having, well, basically none.

we did get a once/month housecleaner, which helped me not worry about the cleaning as much.

i'd also recommend grocery pick-up or delivery, since you can do the ordering at random times (or while at work, if you have a desk job!).

give yourself a little grace and do easy-to-cook things -- either make big batches of things on the weekend and freeze if that's your style. or hit up the grocery for relatively healthy frozen things.

i'm big on exercising, and i didn't find a good routine of it until my DD1 was a year. and it wasn't anything like the good routine i had before kids -- but the minimum i could handle fitting in but also actually get done.

mostly just don't feel like it's only you! it's a huge adjustment that everyone goes through. it gets somewhat easier as you go, but i also think you just get used to it